**enter, this portion was written the week of April 12th** HII, Every time I write I say “I’ll do this more often” and then life gets in the way and I don’t but here is an update, almost 6 months postpartum. To be short and sweet, I’m not doin so hot. Currently. The past 2-3 months have been pretty rough. I went back to work. I started new anti-depressants. I was preparing for a long over due surgery that was supposed to be tomorrow. Our house construction got hot and heavy. We just have so much going on. The depression started/worsened around going back to work. The hallucinations returned ab ..read more

Heeelllloooo!   Remember the last time I wrote, in JULY, and I was so cute and naïve and said I’d be writing more often… whoops.   Anyway, I had a baby!!! Before that though my pregnancy took a wild turn. The last 8 weeks of pregnancy were miserable… (I will also acknowledge that this stage of pregnancy is the most miserable before health problems…) Without getting into it, I had gestational diabetes, was on insulin, had a few physical complications, including a torn abdominal muscle, the baby breeched twice, I stopped sleeping at night…. On top of my health and wellbeing, my work en ..read more

Hello! Long time, no update, friends. My last real blog, at least posted on the website, was on November 7th, 2022…. So. Almost 9 months ago. Absolutely no real life update since then, great checking in, bye!!       Just kidding, since my last update, our whole world has changed. If you don’t follow me elsewhere, here is the update short and sweet, and then we’ll get into the nitty gritty. -          November 2022: I weaned off of my anti-psychotic medicine after 18 months. It was absolutely miserable, but we made it work. The doctor ..read more

Hi friends, long time no see. The fall is my busiest season both at work and home so I’ve been a little MIA, but I’m back with some classic TMI and internet oversharing. Its been no secret that my husband and I have been trying for #2 for a little over a year and a half. We got cleared by doctors to start Clomid, a fertility treatment, to help us along. On its own, this has been difficult. My body doesn’t react well to hormone intervention and therefore the side effects like nausea and vomiting have taken over my life… this lasts about 3 weeks during every clomid cycle… its like morning sickne ..read more

It’s been 2 years since I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, and about a year since I began treatment for postpartum psychosis. You’d think I’d have it all figured out by now, right? Well if you’ve been around a while, none of this will come as a surprise to you. Here’s the truth; even on medication, I still fight bouts of cyclical depression, intrusive thoughts and to be fully transparent I had a psychotic experience about 8 weeks ago. (But in all fairness, NyQuil was involved so I’ve passed it off as a fluke.) I still really struggle with the PTSD/anxiety from the psychosis. I have a ..read more

I haven’t written in far to long. Writing brings me such peace, I forced myself to crank something out, something just for me. I thought about writing a lot of things today, but most of them felt too heavy, and I wanted something lighthearted. So decided on something that absolutely nobody asked for from me– motherhood advice. I’m overwhelmingly unqualified to give moms advice, I’m super aware of that. But I’m going to do it anyway, here it is, my top tips for moms… Unsolicited Advice from an Unqualified Toddler Mom 1.       Drink cold coffee, that way when you sp ..read more

Hi friends. Wow, 2 posts in 2 weeks, who is she??? Could a depressed gal do THIS?? (spoiler alert the answer is yes) I know you’re all dying to know - how did mommy weekend go? Are you still depressed? What’s the tea?? First off, mommy weekend was great. It was nice to have some time to myself and I started finally writing something I’ve wanted to write for a long time. It felt good to do something just for me. Did it cure all that ails me – well… not really. When I came home on Sunday my husband saw me sitting somberly on the couch, “it wasn’t everything you hoped it would be, was it?” he sai ..read more

I’ve been MIA for a little while - over 2 months to be exact… and if you’ve followed my story, you may know what this means for me, and if your new here – hiii, welcome… sometimes I post regularly and sometimes depression kicks my ass. I’ve been struggling. I went on an awesome vacation with my husband in Hawaii, had the BEST time of my life, refreshed my soul and my marriage and came home with the really cliché expectation that this experience would in some way make me new and give me the motivating fuel I’d been searching for. But, I came home, and depression reared its ugly head, raised its ..read more

Lets talk about the #10yearschallenge. 10 years. That’s a long time. 10 years ago I was 16. Here’s what I remember about being 16. I filled my spare time with softball and volleyball. When I wasn’t at school or at practice, I was babysitting. I was obsessed with my dog, Luke. I think I wanted to be an author or a lawyer, but only because I was really good at arguing with my mom, and fluent in Latin. I pursued modeling for exactly 1 week before deciding that was absolutely not for me. I wanted to go to The University of Colorado, I don’t even remember why. I don’t think I was sure about much wh ..read more

For a few months now my husband and I have been trying to conceive (TTC). While I am overjoyed at the thought of becoming a mom again, I can’t help but be anxious about all the other things TTC brings for me. Emotionally, this journey so far has been exhausting. We never really “tried” with my last two pregnancies, they were effortless and exciting in their own way. This one is different. Every month I pin down my “fertile” days and follow them closely, monitoring my body carefully for signs of ovulation. Then 2 weeks later I have the excitement of peeing on a stick and trying not to get my ho ..read more