I met my past yesterday. I’ve always been the biggest Annie Leibovitz fan, and my family and I were able to see her exhibition at our local art museum. But even more amazing than that was seeing Joan face-to-face. Annie had snagged two photos of her with her husband, John. Black-clad with a giant pair of sunglasses on her face. A casual glimpse at someone God has gifted. I am not a Joan of Play it As it Lays fan. I am a Joan of The Year of Magical Thinking fan, the book she wrote after her husband and daughter passed away. Yeah. I am that person. Like with Carson McCullers’s The Heart is A Lon ..read more

Maturity. It’s the word that bites back at me when I stare it in the face. As Christians, we move through the circumstance of this life, sometimes head down just trying to survive the brunt of it. But God’s been prompting me to take a look around and see the things that I just want to bulldoze through as the very things shaping my heart and mind. I’m thumbing through my usual go-to reactions–remaining quiet, separation from the noise, holing into myself for deep reflections–and realizing that even though God is very welcomed to search my heart (and please God do), I’m taking a break on taking ..read more

Job. Chapter Seven. That’s where I was yesterday. The title is Job’s Life Seems Futile, at least that’s how my Bible labels it. Here are some of my favorite verses: “So am I allotted months of vanity And nights of trouble are appointed me. My days are swifter than a weaver’s shuttle, And come to an end without hope. Therefore I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit, I will complain in the bitterness of my soul. Leave me alone, for my days are but a breath. Why then do You not pardon my transgression And take away my iniquity For now I will lie down in the dust A ..read more

I’m reading a book called The Chronological Life of Christ. It puts the NT in chronological order. Our pastor gave it to us when we joined our church five years ago, and I’m still reading it! I did push pause on it a bit but Iove reading a section a day with the Spoken Gospel bible study I’m doing right now (go check this out – quick and thorough videos that show how every chapter in Scripture points to Jesus). There’s a section in the book that talks about denominations and how we as people get everything so wrong. How silly that we hide behind this or that denomination and believe that we ar ..read more

I cry-read sometimes. This part of Jonathan Safran Foer’s Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close made me do just that: “What if the water that came out of the shower was treated with a chemical that responded to a combination of things, like your heartbeat, and your body temperature, and your brain waves, so that your skin changed color according to your mood? If you were extremely excited your skin would turn green, and if you were angry you’d turn red, obviously, and if you felt like shiitake you’d turn brown, and if you were blue you’d turn blue.  Everyone could know what everyone else fe ..read more

Wisdom. It sometimes seems like a dying art. But it’s understandable. The world’s not kind. It’s a hateful place, insidious really. It stands for a lot of things like love and toleration but then bites back if you’re not a zealot on one side of the argument or even the other. It’s hypocritical, and therefore, a liar. I’m listening to a book called called Ordinary by Michael Horton. This book alongside Charlotte Mason’s Ourselves will be required reading when I’m president. We’ll also be breaking out into small groups to discuss the vast, brilliant nuances of The Office so you might want to bru ..read more

As believers, we get a few things wrong sometimes. And I think one of those things is how we approach spreading the Gospel. One of the most beautiful images from the Bible is the garden. And the concept of planting runs deeply throughout the overarching narrative. One day, the angels will reap, separting the wheat from the tares (Matthew 13:36-43). The angels will separate those who choose Christ and those who don’t. But who will do the planting? God will, through us. And that’s the important thing to remember. There’s no quota here. There’s no direct set of instructions requiring us to beat d ..read more

I went down a Calvinist rabbit hole once that was pretty terrifying. The thought of God just arbitrarily predestining whoever He wants to heaven and others to hell seemed evil to me. And I suppose without further understanding of Scripture, that very thought is evil. Because God never does anything arbitrarily. And there’s a lot more to this processs: namely man’s input. We have free will. That’s something God has granted us, a beautiful thing really. Every day, I’m thankful for the chance to love Him and love others, to suffer the consequences of this earth in order for my heart and mind to b ..read more

We’re instructed to not be afraid 365 times in Scripture. You’d think I’d catch on by now. Last night was a good night but my heart had a hard time seeing it. From afar, I could capture it. Logically, it all made sense. Food and friends and fireworks. People I love and live to serve, and how often have they served me in some way? So many times it’s hard to count. But my soul is lined with pockets of fear. Little places I put my worries and hold onto them like lucky arrowheads. I have a hard time socially. Not one-on-one so much. Not in small groups I’m comfortable with. But in vast groupings o ..read more

Here I am, stilled in my December waiting for the stirrings of a life I already know is true. Have I lost You? No, I’ve just placed You away For the sick sadness of my mind’s eye. Always weeping and never keeping focused on what a body grows in the ground, how the soil Shakes until the signs of new life, break forth like fingers reaching mid-air ..read more