There you are minding your own business when suddenly everything changes. No plan, no pre-meditation just caught in the line of fire. Again no excuse but it does happen. What does this mean. It means what it says. A surge or circumstances hit like waves, and before you know it you are hooked on a path to memories lost and found, that haunt you. So how do you recognise and prepare yourself for such a circumstance? Firstly you need to watch the waves. The first wave is your relationship. This wave can sneak up on you. It tends to be small but it also gathers momentum. This wave carries a variety ..read more

Life is normal but then something changes. Habbits change. Engagement changes, leading you to ponder and question internally. Weeks, you watch and learn until you realise that there is only one explination. An affair! they are having an affair! You wait for the right time (which there is no such thing) and you ask the terrifying question. The question you have been avoiding and contiplating for months. Scarded, the question falls from your mouth and then there is silence, as their eyes stare at you. They panic and flounder as the answer they have is not the answer they want to give. they splut ..read more

Post affiar: Year 1 Pain and suffering continues at all times Year 2 Pain still present but subside and not 24/7 Year 3 Deffinate improvement, but still haunted by memories Year 4 Calrity is decending. Less emotion and memorie less painful Year 5 Huge improvements. Thoughts are now aboe to be controlled Year 6 Normality resumed with reflection and wisdom. However life will never be the same. This is the great countdown of post affair ..read more

Seems a strange question but during and after an affair there is a thought process that one goes through (both the betrayed and the one having the affair) on being used. Was I used Did I use someone Firstly let's talk about the betrayed. The answer here is yes, they feel and felt used. When I reflect on how my wife felt (and I am sure I only scratch the surface) she must have felt so hurt by my actions that it would have caused irreparable damage. When the betrayed puts so much work in to try and change the out-come but they continue to be hurt, So inevitably they feel used. Not only this bu ..read more

How much do you loose when you have an affair? More than you think. What do you loose? Respect Friends Family Your partner Time And there are different ways of loosing time. Time dwelling on the wrong, guilt, lies, planning etc.. you get the drift. Time is an important part of our life and if we neglect time spent with others they suffer. For example; our children suffer during an affair, due to absence (mind and body). But the real loss is the time you loose with the ones that fight for you. When we are involved in an affair our thought process is one sided. We are living in the extreme mom ..read more

Ahh the bargaining began! From day 1 the internal bargaining started. Should I, or shouldn't I.? Why shouldn't I? Why shouldn't I. Blind at this point to all rational thinking! The reasoning, the debating, the questioning, the deal making, and the deal breaking. All with yourself. A full on debate. However, there is never an answer. You will not find the answer. You are at this point, on a journey to being a betrayer. You are looking for terms and conditions that just do not exist. It would be great if they did, as you might get favourable conditions (dream on), this is reality not some fantas ..read more

Anger is an emotion you need to work through. For me it was the why do I have to do this. I was losing something that I didn’t want to lose. A lot of I’s in that but to be honest that is what affairs are about. Maybe stepping back and thinking about the others is a good idea as well. Remember that once a person is in a position to either end an affair or has just ended an affair their emotions are off the scale. They need time to deal with those emotions and time to rationalise them. This is a place of difficulty. Ending an affair can be a difficult and emotional experience, especially if you ..read more

Carrying on from post affair grief, lets delve further into the 5 effects of an affair. Shock! What is it and how does it affect us during and after an affair? Shock means ‘A sudden upsetting or surprising event or experience’. During an affair there are countless shocks. Each shock taking it’s toll on you and others. A shock may be pleasant or nasty. Of course when an affair commences the shock for the betrayer is pleasant. A new emotion that fills the body with overwhelming stimulation (often causing weight loss by the way). The shock bring a new awakening. The problem is that this shock has ..read more

Grief. One of the great walls to get over during and after an affair is grief. Of course, the betrayed has grief as well. But today, I want to talk about the betrayer. I write this blog so that we are aware of the struggles that go unmentioned. This is not about a continuous offender but an affair that is a one-off, as the two are very different. When an affair happens, there are feelings involved. It is not just a sexual act. So feeling and emotions play a huge part. There is attachment, bonding, love, etc... So, when these emotions are torn away, there is a huge amount of grief. Anyone who h ..read more

What does go on in the mind of the betrayed? I know what goes on in mine, as the betrayer. But today is about them! How is the betrayed - 2 months, 1 year, 3 years, or 5 years later? What are the regrets? Are there any regrets? What are your worries? I know what mine are? I worry about complacency and falling into the same traps as yester year. Complacency: • Work, tv, bed • Same again tomorrow • Not taking time to talk • Not spending time in each others world Do we learn from the past. God I hope so. I would like to understand what the betrayed thinks as time passes. Are you fearful? Worried ..read more