We are living in what feels like an unprecedented time. There are genocides galore and the feelings of powerlessness and voicelessness abound— wreaking havoc on our emotions, yes, but also likely giving a pretty heavy dose of vicarious trauma. You can’t watch the aftermath of bombing, see babies beheaded, and simultaneously hear some of our government officials say “you just don’t understand,” without wondering what fucking reality you are living in. I don’t yet digress. I am a sex and relationship therapist. If I were you, I would be wondering why I am talking about this as though I have a mo ..read more

Recently I had the honor of meeting with Dr. Jess for her podcast, Sex with Dr. Jess and we spoke about sexual compatibility. I don’t think it’s much of a secret that I think folk use the idea of being sexually compatible as a cop out.  What I mean is that we often work hard as hell to NOT try but then blame everything on sexual compatibility. We will say there is no chemistry, that we feel off, and have really done no work. Now, you know that I am a whole assed sex and relationship therapist so ima give you a short run down on the tea spilt in that conversation with Dr. Jess ..read more

There is an expectation that Black people, and women especially, will humble themselves before the supposed greatness of whiteness and maleness. That we will be humble in our achievements, because we are intended to be invisible in our labor that benefits white pockets. Well, it seems those days are dead, and good riddance ..read more

Pic from Yahoo! Other people's bodies aren't about or for us. Now here's the thing, some of us seem to be laboring under the white supremacist, patriarchal delusion that other people's bodies are about us or for us. But this ain't FUBU. Meaning that you don't get to choose how people dress or adorn those bodies. Though you get you do get to sit at home and be critical. In looking at the comments online, I have seen about 3 major reasons why people are mad. Those reasons seem to be: We are still very much entrenched into the baby mama trope and believe Ciara to be undeserving of happiness be ..read more

Photo by Christina Morillo There has been a lot of buzz about how The Crown Act, LinkedIn and Dove have all gotten together in a partnership to end hair texture discrimination in the workplace.  However, what I realized is that a lot of people don’t actually have an understanding of one important term for what this conversation is bringing to the forefront. So, let’s get clear together!  Part of the reason that The Crown Act even exists is because of texturism, which is different from colorism but a close sibling nonetheless. Texturism is the hierarchical system where straighter hai ..read more

TL; DR: anxiety can happen a lot at night because of the last thing you ate, the last thing you watched, or that stuff that never got figured out in the day because now your brain is quiet. Manage that nighttime anxiety by managing what you eat, see, and by creating a routine that gives you great rest ..read more

Photo by Nicole Berro There are numerous articles and lists available that teaches introverts how to become more extroverted. They want introverts to speak more, be more confident, show up and show out. But what about the other way around?   There are not nearly as many articles that teach folk about the benefits and the how on being introverted. Why?   That’s because of the misconception that introverts are shy, soft-spoken, easily anxious, and awkward folks. But more than that, we see introverted traits as being less than and something about ourselves to hide. Truth is ..read more

While most Black folk are looking forward to celebrating “Juneteenth” on June 19, I’d like to use this time to draw attention to highlight a more serious issue; particularly mental health issues and the racial trauma experienced by many Black folks.  Why am I doing this? You might think, “Oh, you’re being such a buzzkill,” or “Let’s just celebrate the happy occasion,” – and I will! I’m actually stoked about Juneteenth – but I’d also like to talk about certain things that don’t always get the spotlight.  Yes, Juneteenth was truly a momentous win for us Black folk, but sadly, we’re ..read more

Photo by Angela Roma : https://www.pexels.com/photo/smiling-black-hairless-woman-lying-on-floor-7480138/ In light of all the racism and misogynoir struggles we encounter every day, from tv/movies, conversations with friends and family, scrolling on social media, and even hearing our own thoughts— Black womxn are constantly under strain. While there has been some progress in the Black community as a whole, misogynoir still reigns and the reality is still present that our society has a disdain for Black womxn. From hotep podcasts telling womxn if they are “high value” enough to be “chosen” by s ..read more

Picture retrieved from: https://www.pride.com/theater/2022/5/12/jesse-williams-nude-leak-leads-new-security-measures-theater Black folk have always had an interesting relationship with the word consent. I say interesting when really I mean to speak of a history of violation that has happened, usually at the hands of white people who believed they could own, and in some ways continue to think they do own, the bodies of others and their autonomy.  Think about how colorism plays into who is allowed to consent and when. For dark skinned women, they are told to feel “lucky” that anyone would ..read more