Afifah, 22 years old, 22nd February 2023. Photo by Cila. Did I ever imagine that I would be typing this as a 23-year-old when I started this blog? Like most other people, no, I didn't. I started writing and posting online when I was 11 (too young, I know!!!) so 23 used to sound so far away from me. I started writing this 2 hours and 32 minutes before I officially turn 23 so I don't actually know how my birthday is going to be. Hypothesis: I'm gonna spend another normal day at work, with possible birthday wishes from my beloved family and friends, and go home to eat the cake I just ..read more

Home. Today's post is going to be a bit more personal but I just feel the need to write it down while the realization and the feeling are still fresh, and if you are reading this, it means that I also find it shareable. It has been about three weeks since I started as a substitute teacher at my old school. This school also happens to be two minutes away from my home, I live at teachers' quarters because my mother is a teacher here. So basically, this area has been my home for over 20 years; I lived here since 2002. Being a substitute teacher here is convenient, not just because it's ..read more

An old picture from 2017, taken by yours truly. Home is breathing in the salt air as I watch the sun sets. Home is having a song on my mind as I place my capo on my guitar fret. Home is finding myself wandering around the mall I know so well, that I can walk in blindly. Home is longing, longing, longing for hugs from my loved ones, missing them from afar. Home is inevitable liking someone on a whim, like leaves falling from their home branch. Home is falling in love with loving someone. Home is jotting phrases down when I'm bestowed with inspiration among a sea of strangers. Home is c ..read more

Maxcy and me, Bukit Janggut, 22nd July 2023. Photo by Tiqah. There's something sad about this that I can't quite put into words. Like I'm de-attaching something after being attached to it, Like leaving after deciding that I want to stay, But I also don't want to be stuck  to the same old place. Every action of mine contradicts my decisions, And these days, I'm starting to be repulsed by my own reflection. Time is doing its job, And I don't think I like it this time. There's something maddening about this that I can't quite put into words. 230621/mungkin takut perubahan - lomb ..read more

I know I said I wanted to be consistently updating this blog since last year, but life had just been hectic (when is it not?). A lot has happened since my last life update. My last post was a poem and I can't even relate to it anymore LOL. The person that is writing this post is a totally different person than the person who wrote that poem. It feels a bit surreal writing this. I can't believe I went from writing about my day-to-day life as an 11-year-old to writing about me finishing my degree. What would that little girl think about me? I'm gonna be honest here, I am lost, confused, terrif ..read more

Photo by me! Private IG account saw it first. This was a heart-shaped tree somewhere along my jogging route (Me? Jogging? HAHA I know right? But I did jog okay.) Eyes meet eyes From across the aisle A glimpse of recognition in yours Glints of light in mine It has been three months Since we both said anything to each other There's a bit of awkwardness in the air And a bit of tension in my heart I say hello first to break the silence You say hi back and there's a crack in my wall Exchanges of how are you And what are you doing But never I'm sorry I didn't wish you a happy birthday Nor ..read more

Photo by yours truly. Even as I rushed home because it was Maghrib, I still stopped to take this one because it was such a beautiful sight. Surprise rainbows and rainy sunsets, A stranger opening the door for you with a smile on their face, Accidental music findings and the kind of butterfly you've never seen before, Foods that don't look so good but are heaven on your tongue. A dog following you all the way home from a safe distance as if it's guarding you, Genuinely good guys offering to help you with your heavy stuff, Exciting new first times and the kind of smile you've never s ..read more

Photo by me! On my way home from the faculty during the dawn. Almost like I’m missing a limb, Or missing a bone. Almost like I’m walking on a rope, And it’s leading me the way home. Almost caught a bus to go to you today, But I didn’t because my friends told me not to. Almost fought with my closest confidants, Trying to make sense of and justify all your actions. Almost said the things on the tip of my tongue, I could barely speak before you told me not to. Almost sent you the many poems I wrote about you, But if they go to you, They would be erased just like us. Almost like I’m ..read more

Photo by Alex Pellicer. Inserting a beautiful picture of sunflowers here because they radiate warmth. My rain will end by the new year, Because by then new leaves would be growing on my branches, The moist soil below my feet will wet them just right to wake my hibernating spirit, The sky will cast a brighter kind of light, And my blue heart will be warm once again. My storm will end by the new year, Because by then a lighter breeze will be blown from the North, The slaps of the wind on my cheek will be gentler; Instead of rage, I would feel affection. Instead of sorrow, I would fe ..read more

Photo by Katya Baydarova. February was definitely a short one, but many things happened and I also had a lot of fun. I've been watching lots of TV shows I couldn't watch when my semester was still ongoing and some reading too. Sure, compared to my pre-covid usual Februaries, this February was not as eventful as I did stay home 100% for the whole month but you need to enjoy what you get, right? So here are the things that happened in my life in February. My fifth semester of university ended! My fifth semester was rough. I caught COVID last December and it totally threw my mome ..read more