Hey all, So today I want to talk about panic attacks. Like out of nowhere slap you in the face, knock you on your ass panic attacks. I had a doozy a few days ago. Epic! Let me set scene.. I’m at work minding my own damn business. I start to get really hot and feel woozy. My chest is starting to tighten up and my breaths become short. My legs turn to what I like to call “jelly legs” they are someone solid, keeping me upright but feel wiggly and unstable. My “oh shit” meter is going off and I know I’m about to go to a place I don’t want to be. This time I actually got myself into the bathroom. M ..read more

For me and maybe many of you there is just something so damn freeing about being in the car and driving. I feel safe and protected. Just me and the open road. No fighting, no yelling, just some quality me time and it’s fabulous. Hell, Id be happy just sitting in the driveway if it meant a little peace and quiet. Most of you here know my past story about abuse. I was rarely allowed to do things on my own but when I got to get in the car and actually drive to do an errand or go somewhere he didn’t feel like going it was pure bliss. It was just me and my thoughts. I was in control and most of all ..read more

Hey all, Can we chat about the crazy thing that happens twice a year that makes us cranky, moody and tired? The time when EVERYONE gets to know how it feels to be US on a daily basis. Daylights Savings Time is not ever a surprise and we know it’s coming but damn if it doesn’t creep up and bite you in the ass at 4pm when all you want to do is go to sleep. My thing is why does it actually make you so tired losing an hour when we all have had way less nights of sleep? This just seems worse and hard to adjust too right? Right now I work in hospitality. In one week I could work every damn shift the ..read more

I have been through this so many times that I can’t even tell you a number. And each and every time it hurts like hell. When I was going through it I always felt like I was invisible, insignificant and not worth much. Why wasn’t he speaking to me and trying to work this out? Why does he shut down and ignore? Doesn’t he see how much this hurts and it’s making me go to places in my brain I do not want to go. Well… They do know. They are trying to hurt you and yes, they are trying to make you slowly go crazy. The silent treatment is a form of abuse and it’s a way for the abuser to control you. Ho ..read more

My guess is if you you have ever been in the chair staring across the room at them with the notepad and pen in hand you have TOTALLY lied to them. Am I right? I can’t be the only one. I’ve chatted before about my love hate relationship with therapy. I’m the poster child for quitting. I feel better I dip. It get’s too painful I’m running away. I’ll be the first to admit it that it usually takes me like 6 sessions before I go all in. That’s IF I make it that far. The very first appointment it’s usually like a get to know you on the surface level. Hi! My name is Amy and I’m having a few issues an ..read more

So I’ve posted some extremely personal stories in the past. Some so raw I needed a minute after I hit that publish button. This one is still personal but I’m going to put my weirdness on blast and I guess that’s just as scary since I’ve never really talked about my quirks post Domestic Violence.  A lot of my weirdness has come out of survival. Some I developed after the abuse, but all of these are for sure newish. A lot of them I think are based on control. If you have been reading my story, I was controlled in every aspect of my life. The things I developed were my way of controlling jus ..read more

 Whew! After last weeks post about my panic attacks, I had to mentally prepare for this one too. It’s always been super hard for me to open up about non pleasant things that go on in my day to day. It was a HUGE step to hit the publish button and when I did I freaked out but then oddly a wave of comfort hit me. Knowing my truth was out there was kind of a cool relief. Keeping things in for so long it was like a pressure that was released. I have so many more issues so hold on tight..the seas will be choppy. Last week I talked about having panic attacks for over 20 years. How they feel and ..read more

Hey all, So today is going to get real..so let’s get to it. I want to talk a little bit more about my backstory well before domestic violence entered the picture. It’s not pretty but it’s real life and here we go.. My truth is that I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for 20+ years. Some days are better than others, but the others really do kick the ever loving shit out of me. Up until recently I have always put on the brave face and acted like nothing was wrong. If you saw me at a 9 am meeting with bags under my eyes and a coffee the size of my ass you would think I would have j ..read more

So my last posts were about my 6 years being in an abusive relationship. If you want to see my story you can read it here.. My domestic violence story: Part 1 My domestic violence story: Part 2 It was pretty hard for me to get that all out but everyone has a story and I wanted mine to be heard. I want you to know that I get it. I see you. You are not alone. It wasn’t easy though. For so long I kept it inside and was scared to ask for help. You get so brainwashed that you feel like no one will believe you or want to help because it’s too messy to get involved. I thought it was just easier to no ..read more

My Domestic Violence Story Part 2. My last post was the beginning of my domestic violence back story..but not the whole story. If you would like to catch up and read part one you can do so here… My Domestic Violence Story..Part 1 Caught up? Alrighty..let’s continue. We are at 4 years of mental, physical, sexual abuse and I was a shell of a human being. At that point I was self employed.I had a pretty successful resale clothing business and that was helping me just cover the bare minimum of my living expenses. Life was pretty miserable. I completely isolated myself from the outside world ..read more