In December of 2023, I was sitting quietly on a plane on my way back home. As we were on the tarmac, I said in my mind, like I always do, I think I am good, Universe. I’ve lived a good life, if it’s my time, it’s my time. But, typically as the plane starts to ascend and we get in the air, I usually take back the “I’m good” and say, I don’t think I am ready to go right now. Not yet. However, this time, as the plane ascended into the air, and then started to cruise at its altitude, looking out the plane window, I felt a little turbulence and I said to Universe, for the very first time, I’m good ..read more

When my aunt and uncle picked me up from university, after my first, what they would call, episode, I didn’t know. Sitting in the backseat of that car, looking out the glass window, not remembering if I talked or not. But, I didn’t know. I couldn’t see the future in that moment of time. I didn’t know that my life was actually over. I didn’t know that, that one moment would change me forever. I didn’t know the amount of pain I would endure going forward. It’s a feeling I can’t explain to you. It’s a feeling that makes me sad every time I look back at that girl in that car. Just sitting there, l ..read more

I am a different person than I was three years ago when I wrote my book. To be honest, I am a different person from one day ago. Some words in the book I don’t necessarily believe anymore, but I hold space for them and the person I was in that time. Success with a mental illness for me, might be different than success for someone else. And who am I to tell another person, what success looks like in their recovery journey. Writing my book was deeply therapeutic for me. And when I wrote the book, I wasn’t fully healed. Though I know I will never be fully healed, I feel I am in a better place and ..read more

I was talking to my cousin and she was telling me, Sam people care about you and what you do. And I was like, are you sure? I’m really not that special, I am just like everyone else. This concept is very hard for me to grasp. In Buddhism, all living things are created equal, I am no more important than anyone else. I don’t understand why I would matter to other people because we are all the same. Then my friend the other day said, Sam you wrote a book. And I laughed, right. I still am not grasping the concept and continue to try to wrap my head around it. I definitely get that people pay atten ..read more

People always say to me, if anything sam, you are honest. It’s a value I love about myself. My father always says, Samantha just calls a spade a spade. I won’t talk behind your back, I’ll say it to your face. And if I am in the wrong, I will acknowledge it. I won’t make fun of you. I will never take advantage of anyone. And I will protect you, if you mean something to me. I will give you grace but expect grace in return. If I am sad, you will know and happy, you will know too. I’ve never followed the unspoken rules in life, and I don’t know if I ever will follow them. Hence, the honesty. I’ve ..read more

If you get lucky, I might let you in. It may take months, or possibly years for me to let someone into my life. And I am a master sabotager – it’s a skill, one that I embrace because I know people that want to be in my life will eventually be. Through the good and the bad. I have several close friends, some I see often and some once or twice a year, and I hold them all very close to my heart. My family is my soul. I would do absolutely anything for them. My parents are my best friends. I would do anything for my sisters and their partners. And last, but most important are my 3 nieces and 2 nep ..read more

I’ve been asked throughout my life how intelligent I am, specifically if I am a genius. And I always answer, I don’t think so. I’ve never openly shared my thoughts on my intelligence until this very moment – exactly right now. I believe intelligence is relative and very subjective. What is intelligent to one person might not be to another. I’ve met many people who aren’t labelled intelligent who are quite intelligent, but couldn’t pass a test in school or graduate from a program. I did manage to recover from a serious mental illness, so you may think I might be. However, many people I have met ..read more

I’ve wanted to write this post for years, for some reason I wasn’t ready until now. This post is about my Uncle Mo and for my aunt, my cousins, my family and for everyone who has ever experienced an illness, especially very young. My Uncle Mo is and was… Strong, and Powerful, and Fierce, and so very Beautiful. I don’t think there are enough words to explain him. He was definitely intriguing. My Uncle Mo and I never really had long conversations about life or business or about our illnesses. He never complained, like I never complained. It was what it was, and it is what it is. My Uncle Mo and ..read more

When I was younger I was really into famous people and musicians. Then I grew up. And my views changed. People ask me all the time: which famous man are you attracted to? My answer: none However, there are two people who are famous that I do look up to: The late Tina Turner and the Dalai Lama. Today is about Tina. My favourite song of all time is her live YouTube version of Proud Mary (though it was a cover). If I could aspire to anything, it is to be a strong woman that supports other women. I might already be there, but I know I always have room to grow in this area. If I could aspire to an ..read more

I remember when I was younger, I was so in love with a friend of mine. He ended up marrying someone else, having a family and then divorcing. Trust me, it broke my heart. He wanted the world of money and power and success and a beautiful partner, an expensive place to live and trips around the world, oh and prestige. Still to this day, I miss the person he was when I knew him. I saw who he was and loved everything about him, without all the “stuff.” I am so sad I lost him, but I am so happy for him today. Just to note, I would never date him now. What I know, I don’t want that world. I knew th ..read more