Communication. It is the foundation of every relationship and every interaction we have – and we all know it. Good communication leads to connection, along with a better understanding of ourselves and each other. Bad communication can result in anger, hurt feelings, misunderstandings and fractured relationships. Comparing the two it seems that we would all choose to have good and clear communication with those we are closest to, but it doesn’t often work out that way. Communication can be hard even when life is good. Sharing how we feel makes us feel vulnerable. We may worry about hurting som ..read more

Guest post by Reid Peterson, Grief Refuge Anger is a common experience when you’re grieving. It’s intense, uncomfortable, and powerful. You may feel like you can be angry at many different people, for many different reasons. You may be angry at your loved one for dying in the first place. Their death may have resulted from one of the choices they made. You may recall memories of some of the things they did when they were alive, something you had a hard time accepting, and that makes you angry now. You may also discover something about your loved one that you weren’t aware of when they were li ..read more

Healing in grief is slow. So slow that it would be easy to think that it’s not happening at all…like your hair growing, or your nails. Every day there is growth and progress, but it certainly doesn’t feel that way and most people wonder when they’re ever going to feel better. What’s important to know is that there are some things that will help keep the healing process moving along. We just need to know what they are. “Is there any magic to this?” a griever once asked me. “Something I can do to feel better NOW?” It had been six months since his wife died. And I had to tell him that unfortunat ..read more

Self-esteem. Insecurity. Doubt. Just the mention of these words can make us think of a very specific time in our life. Perhaps the teenage years or young adulthood – when how you feel about yourself and your place in the world can be so uncertain. But as time goes on and you settle into your adult life, self-esteem may not seem so important, and it’s not something you may have paid much attention to. In other words, if it’s not great, it’s at least good enough.  It’s also not something you hear spoken about in grief. And yet significant loss can completely drain and deplete any self-este ..read more

Perfectionists. People Pleasers. Some will immediately relate to these labels, and some maybe not so much. Yet most people I work with exhibit at least some of these traits, whether they are consciously aware of it or not. For the perfectionists, it may come as an almost badge of honor. A commitment they’ve made to themselves to do everything the best they can, without fail, in every single category of their life. The people pleasers may not be as satisfied with that title. But they also understand it as a necessary skill to function in their lives, and as a way to get along with the people a ..read more

  No one asked you here, Grief. Things were just fine without you. In fact, I had hoped that we’d never have to meet. And now you’re everywhere. You’re persistent and needy. Tenacious and tough. Above all you are diabolically patient, and you won’t be ignored. I know that I’ve tried. I kept busy. I smiled when I didn’t want to. I swallowed tears and somehow got out of bed and got dressed every day. Well, almost every day. What’s so strange is sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who can see you. The people around me – my friends, family, coworkers – it’s like they don’t even know you’r ..read more

“How are you?”. How many times a day are you asked that? And how many times do you think the person asking wants (or is ready to hear) the REAL answer? This is the challenge for a griever, and one of the many things that comes up daily when surviving grief. Being out in the world can be a very difficult place to be, and unfortunately it may seem that no matter who is asking, we give the same answer, “I’m fine”. But why? Is it a matter of trust, fatigue, or is it something else…?  By nature, you are inherently a social creature. It’s a survival skill that began with a desire to meet our m ..read more

By now, most people are familiar with what PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, is. For the longest time, I only heard it used to reference the trauma that a soldier faces in battle…the unimaginable loss and horrors of war, and all of the things that can’t be unseen. But as I worked with more and more grievers I found their stories were filled with trauma from the loss of someone they loved. Some were the obvious traumas of sudden and devastating loss, but others followed long-term illness after witnessing the slow, sad, and painful decline of a loved one. So while PTSD ..read more

Worry. It can be such a futile and empty emotion…like thoughts leaking out of our head without purpose or direction. It’s a bad habit that exhausts our time and energy, leading to heavy days and sleepless nights. So why do we keep doing it, and what does worry accomplish? Why is it worse in grief, and what can we do to finally break the cycle and stop the bad habit once and for all? The post Worry & Grief: 5 Steps to Stop the Cycle appeared first on Grief In Common ..read more

Lazy. Such a strange word in the way that it can be used so differently throughout our lives. A lazy coworker or teenager can be a terrible source of frustration but a lazy Sunday can be one of our greatest joys. In grief, I find it works a little differently. So often I speak with people who tell me they feel lazy or identify as this new lazy person that they don’t recognize – so new from the go go go that they were used to before. In this respect these aren’t people enjoying the leisure of a well deserved break, but instead a frustrating new side of themselves that they don’t understand and ..read more