It may seem like I haven’t written lately, but I’ve been writing more than ever. My journaling habit has gone through the roof, as I write almost daily in it. The transition back to Ontario has been anything but a smooth one. Thankfully, the increased alone time, and support of grounded friends, have given me much-needed time to assess and move forward accordingly. For one, the pause from blogging made me think about why I started this blog. Of course, this website started off with the intention of being a business. My own public relations business. However, it seemed like the universe had a d ..read more

I cozied into my seat at the theatre. Seeing the instruments lining the stage, I was excited to see the Barra MacNeils play their East Coast Christmas show. Prior to entering, I had casually warned my friend that there may be tears and, within the first eight bars of the fiddle playing, I felt my eyes well up. My toe tapped along as the second fiddle chimed in, then the piano, and so on. I could feel my heart swelling in my chest. This music had become my life. I feel it in my soul. I choked back the tears. Just before the intermission, one of the brothers listed the products for sale in the l ..read more

“I hate dating,” groaned one female. “I find it exhausting,” said another. “Personally, I love it,” I chimed in. It was spring 2022 and we were gathered for a friend’s birthday party when the topic of dating arose. The common vibe around the room from the single ladies was that they despised the experience. While the couples claimed they would “never want to do it again.” Yet, call me the eternal optimist, I was elated to talk about the experience. I talked about the apps I liked the most (Hinge/Bumble) and the ones I could tell the most horror stories about (Tinder/POF). After a while, it was ..read more

It’s hard for me to establish the lines between who I am and who I was. When I re-enter past locations and visit with long-term friends, I sometimes get uncomfortable. For some reason, I no longer know how to belong in both worlds. In the words of Taylor Swift, “the old Erica? Oh, she’s dead.” Not completely true, but partly true. My struggle is an internal game of push and pull. I feel that I need to be the person they remember in order to obtain validation and likeability, but I also struggle with long-term trauma responses. Things that I used to think were built-up excitement inside of me h ..read more

“It’s not never, it’s just not now.” The rage boiled up inside of me, as I took in these words. If it’s not now, it’s not ever, was my immediate, internal response. For years now, I have spent so much time trying to control things. Attempting to grab the reins of life and steer with all my might. What have I learned from this? Life is not meant to be controlled. Life is like sport fishing. If you’re climbing into the water with the pure goal of “I am going to catch that massive fish” then you’re doing it wrong. Sport fishing is about the experience. When I stepped into that river with a rod in ..read more

“What’s my nickname? Do I have a nickname?” “Yes. We call you Adult Erica. You’ve got your shit together.” You know…I never thought my nickname would be ‘Adult Erica.’ Until recently, I certainly did NOT have my shit together. It’s funny though because the whole situation made me wonder – what makes us an adult? When we are children, we play house. Typically, we are gender stereotyped into playing the mom or the daughter (as females) and we cook and clean. We fantasize about getting married and having our babies to look after. I remember having my play house and a play kitchen. As a kindergart ..read more

Ever since I was a kid, I put people on pedestals. It was pointed out to me from a young age that I would label people somewhat of a ‘hero’ status. However, I was also quick to knock them off their pedestal and strip them of their status. But, why? When I put people on pedestals I was seeking two main things – stability and unconditional love or support. More often than not, the people I placed on pedestals were people in positions of power: teachers, mentors, or coaches. Whoever they were, they had a great impact on my life at that time. They made me feel loved (or special) and stable. In my ..read more

When I was younger, my world was my work. I prioritized my career and my ‘work life’. Often, I was in jobs that required me to work long days and overtime. Or, I would be running from one job to another job – thankfully, they were usually two fun jobs. I get memories of my university days on Facebook where I would write statuses about how my job would always be most important to me. In recent years, I learned why. It was my way of staying comfortable. I did not like being alone with my thoughts or facing the challenges in my relationships. Life was easier to ostrich in the sand and put all of ..read more

“What do you want our kids to be when they grow up?” he asked. “I would want our kids to be happy and healthy,” I replied. “Well, ya, but what do you want them to be? A nurse? An engineer? A professional athlete?” he continued to push. “I wouldn’t care. As long as they could make ends meet and they were happy, decent people, that’s my end goal.” How this view has changed over the years… The conversation above happened just a couple of years ago when I was finally feeling that pull towards health and happiness as priorities. I realized that status wasn’t everything; something that I had struggl ..read more

I will admit I am not a Star Wars fan. Before I began to write this blog post, I turned to a friend and asked her to explain ‘the force’ to me. To my understanding, the Star Wars Force is something that comes from within, a power that needs to be channeled and embraced. Turns out, I wasn’t far off. So, on this day, #MayThe4thBeWithYou, I wanted to talk about that force. We all have a force within us. It’s a gut instinct. It is what we SHOULD listen to in order to guide our decisions. If you have the ability to listen to it, you know what is good for you and what is not. I think too many of us ..read more