Dear 12-year-old me, Life is pretty confusing for you now, isn’t it? I would know, because I lived though it. Hell, I mean, I am you. I know. But I am here to tell you that you will be okay. It will be okay. Right now, living feels miserable. You are being bullied by a teacher in school. A teacher, a figure of authority who is supposed to be supporting you as you make your way through life. She constantly puts you down in class, and she makes it a habit to pull you out from the classroom to berate you. How could you be so lazy/inattentive/stupid, she would say. Especially you, with those famil ..read more

This morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and I realised that I have become, quite decidedly, middle-aged. There is no denying it, looking at the lines and the saggy cheeks on my face. It’s like I fell asleep as a young adult – with a book on my lap – had a very epic dream and woke up 20 years later. How did the time fly so quickly? So January: the start of new year and another revolution around the sun (exactly one week ago). Happy birthday, me! 2023 was a rollercoaster ride, without a doubt. So much has happened: some good, some bad and some downright fucking amazing. The one mantra tha ..read more

So it’s been a really long time since I actually wrote for myself and it feels odd. Like a dress that you have not worn in a while and now that you have put it on, it feels scratchy and uncomfortable and you wonder how it used to be your favourite garment. But we gotta start somewhere. And there’s no better start than to write about The Award. Early in the year, my newly-minted boss told me that she was nominating me for a teaching award. I didn’t think much of it, I said okay and promptly forgot about it. See, when you are an educator, awards are not what you dream of. Most days, we just want ..read more

The littlest turned nine yesterday and as we headed out of the house to Forest Adventure – which the birthday boy had requested – at almost 10am, I remarked to the husband that I was trying to push him out at this moment nine years ago. And then we had a bit of a laugh at how eventful the birth was (thanks boys, for making your mother suffer more than she should). Just like how his birth was organised chaos, so is this little man’s personality. He is like a mini tornado, full of unexpected twists and turns but always, ALWAYS a head turner. At nine, he is smol and utterly adorable at times. Sti ..read more

Happy birthday to me! That’s one more revolution around the sun, one more year earth side, and wading deeper into the 40s zone. Back in my 20s, I had this notion that the best age to die would be 40 because, silly me, I thought I would have accomplished everything that life has to offer by then. (Twenty-somethings can be so silly sometimes.) If I were to have one word that encapsulates my hope for this year, it would be “Bloom”. I used to hate being a January baby because nobody knows or remembers your birthday, after the hullabaloo of Christmas and the holidays and being in a new class at sc ..read more

I sat in my usual spot, in the middle of the queen bed. This is where they want me to be at, every single night, as they fall asleep with some form of physical contact with my body. Sometimes it’s a leg strewn artfully over mine, sometimes it’s them tucking their heads under the curve where my arm meets my shoulder. Tonight, they did not take too long to fall asleep for it was later than their usual bedtime. The exams are over and we are getting lax when it comes to routines. After a while, when there was no movement or sound, save for their breathing, I deduced that they were truly sleeping a ..read more

It started in February this year. I had gotten out of bed and felt a niggling discomfort at the front of my hip. I use the word “front” loosely, I really didn’t quite figure out where the odd sensation came from. It was towards the front of my hip, yes, but it also felt deep. But I had no time to think about it because shortly after, we went into COVID overdrive. First it was Mr 10 and my helper who tested positive, and then I did too, three days later. I emerged from the pain of COVID (truly one of the WORST experiences of my life – and I say this coming from years of stabbing myself with nee ..read more

Earlier this March, my firstborn celebrated his first decade earthside. I know, I know, I am only writing about it now? Unfortunately, COVID happened. Mr 10 first contracted the virus, and then I got it too, as his main caregiver. While he recovered in time to celebrate being 10, I was still rather ill. Getting over COVID has taken a longer time, for me, than expected but that’s another story for another day. Right now, this is about me being a mother for the past 10 years. If you had asked me to envision this milestone back then, I would have laughed bitterly. There was a time when troubles s ..read more

Earlier this March, my firstborn celebrated his first decade earthside. I know, I know, I am only writing about it now? Unfortunately, COVID happened. Mr 10 first contracted the virus, and then I got it too, as his main caregiver. While he recovered in time to celebrate being 10, I was still rather ill. Getting over COVID has taken a longer time, for me, than expected but that’s another story for another day. Right now, this is about me being a mother for the past 10 years. If you had asked me to envision this milestone back then, I would have laughed bitterly. There was a time when troubles s ..read more

In a blink of an eye – oh such a cliche phrase but so true though – it’s been six months since I last sat down with my thoughts. It’s been three days since I celebrated another birthday and while I had so many reflections, alas, the mind is just no match for the ageing body. Our days of waking up at 6am have begun in earnest and most nights find me flat out on my bed. But no worries, here I am again. It’s a Saturday evening and my dinner plans got cancelled at the last minute. The boys are off to dinner with papa at their grandparents’ and so, unexpectedly, I find myself enjoying the solitude ..read more