At some point in our lives we will be faced with supporting a friend through loss. Even though grief is inevitable in all of our lives, we are left wondering "What should I say?" "What should I do?" "How can I support my friend?" Here is a list of 5 ways you can support others through loss.   1. Practice Empathy Be empathic, not sympathetic. Be willing to sit in the roughness of grief, don't sugarcoat it. Let them know their feelings are valid, and you are holding space for them. Watch the video by Bréne Brown on empathy - it’s an eye opener.   2. Don’t Say Stupid s#%* Do n ..read more

Our family is no stranger to grief. In the past 5 years we’ve experienced 7 miscarriages (most within the second trimester), the death of my grandmother, and the sudden death of my husband’s stepfather. My son still cries out for his Papa and will often make comments about wanting to die so he can see him. I need you to know, my 7 year old son is not suicidal. He is processing his grief. We have chosen not to shield our children from the reality of death, but rather normalize talk around death and dying. Death happens. Children are aware of that. So rather than changing the subject when it com ..read more

Pregnancy after loss is an emotional rollercoaster. It can be filled with fear, joy, guilt, love, excitement, grief, relief, pressure, exhaustion... and a whole lot of anxiety. This is 100% normal, and it's completely okay to feel all these things at the same time. As I currently navigate my 10th pregnancy after recurrent loss, I bounce all the time between excitement and fear, anxiety and joy. I dream about holding a newborn and then tell myself to not get my hopes up in case I jinx it. I am very much aware of the realities of pregnancy and all the the things that can go wrong. I often get se ..read more

We all will experience grief of sorts in our life and yet it is rarely talked about. So when we are confronted with grief we often don’t know how to navigate through it, we get stuck. I’ve been journeying through grief now for 12 years. My journey started when my step-father passed away suddenly in 2008 and has continued these past 6 years as I’ve navigated through recurrent second-trimester pregnancy loss. I’m well acquainted with grief; we’ve become good buddies butting heads every now and then.  As I’ve navigated through this journey here are a few things that have been helpful for me ..read more

This season, this holiday, is so difficult for so many reasons. Many of us are grieving. We’ve lost teeny tiny babies and full grown children. We’ve lost parents and friends and people we’ve held dear. We’ve lost jobs and relationships. We’ve lost our support systems and life as we knew it prior to this damn pandemic. This holiday season will look drastically different from seasons in the past, and when we add grief on top of that it seems almost unbearable. As I’ve been reflecting on what this season looks like this year and how to navigate grief through it all, here are 4 things I’ve been te ..read more

The title isn’t what you think. I didn’t have an abortion. And even if I did, I know there would be a multitude of reasons and circumstances leading up to that decision. It’s not all black and white; dualistic decision making. What this is about is how COVID-19 gave me no choice but to manage my miscarriage in a safe space alongside those choosing to end their pregnancies. You see, I know my body. I know my body clings to my lifeless babes and refuses to let go. I know after hours and hours of induction I’m subjected to D&Cs to stop the massive clotting and remove retained products - the l ..read more

  We all need people in our corner. People who understand our journey, or at least aspects of it. There is something healing about being seen and heard; having our stories validated. Being able to speak with no filters, and share all our raw thoughts and emotions with no judgement. When I experienced our first loss I didn’t know anyone else around me who had experienced a similar journey; until I started talking about it. As I shared my story, other people began sharing their stories with me and I was able to build a community around myself with people who understood.  These people ..read more

  We are often way too hard on ourselves when we are grieving. We are our own worst critics. We wonder why we are feeling the way we are, or tell ourselves to stop being sad and just be happy. We get mad at ourselves when we feel angry, or feel guilty when we let joy in. We wonder why we are feeling this way and why we aren’t “better” yet.  Grief doesn’t just go away. We will heal and the sting will lessen with time, but the grief will still be there. It becomes integrated into our lives. Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that you are healing. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to ..read more

Your body is not broken; you are not to blame. We often place blame on ourselves, or our bodies (especially in regards to pregnancy + infant loss). We wonder what we did wrong or what we could have done to prevent the loss. We feel as though our bodies have failed us, or that we have failed others. We can find countless ways to blame ourselves. Often we blame ourselves for not taking the right vitamins, or drinking that extra cup of coffee. We think of all the things we should have said or done to prevent our loss. We blame ourselves for not reaching out sooner, for not trying hard enough. We ..read more

  People may tell us that we are too much, or that we are being over the top with our grief. Some people may ask us why we haven’t moved on yet, or that our situation really isn't that bad. We may be told to “just get over it” and move on with life.  Friend… no one can tell you how to grieve, or how long you should be grieving. Everyone grieves in their own timing and in their own way.  When I was grieving the loss of our son Josiah, I was told the grief I was feeling was a bad spirit that needed to be cast out of me… no joke. I was livid. In that moment I learned that my grief ..read more