I was listening to a podcast earlier today about how to be “unstressed”. The general gist of it was that you are always going to have stress, so it’s not necessarily about eliminating stress from your life but that stress isn’t what happens to you; it’s how you handle what happens to you.  I’ve had my own notion of that for many years–stress can be transformed to something positive through a change of perspective. How you handle things that happen to you can be greatly altered through your perception of it. I am constantly aware of stress. For years I had let stress control many aspects ..read more

After Lee died, I was left with the photographs and paintings to lift me if I needed to see her.  To this day, for example, I will take a moment to look at her images when I go down to the basement kitchen to fetch spare food items from storage.   Regarding the painting shown here, sometimes I can almost feel her eyes following me as I rummage for provisions. And, invariably, a black and white photograph of Lee, then still a young girl, posing innocently for the portrait her folks commissioned from a studio in the small beach town where she grew up, brings a smile to my face. Althoug ..read more

Part of the Work of Grief Image by Ammar Sabaa with unsplash.com Sometimes your feelings are right. You need to take a chill pill, slow down, hang out with friends, and cry your heart out. Other times, they need to be corrected. What you need to do then is examine your emotions, separate false from truth, make a plan for refreshing, and continue the journey. You, not your feelings, are the boss of you. Never forget that. — Debra Adoula     Some many years ago, a wise man was speaking to a group I was a part of and said, “Anyone have an EKG lately? What did the movement pattern loo ..read more

Photo by Dave Webb on Unsplash A repost! As I looked at the date today I couldn’t believe that it was only the second Tuesday of 2024. We are barely one week into this new year and it seems as if so much has happened. Within the past two days, I have had two friends pass back to back. Then to hear from another widow friend that they also just had a friend pass was shocking. I never used to think much about death until Erik. And now anytime there is a death of someone I know or I even hear of a death it takes me right back to March 17, 2022. And it takes me back to where the thought lingers mor ..read more

Saturday, I hosted a BBQ backyard campout with my neighborhood crew for the third anniversary of Tony’s death. We gathered in the afternoon and six family’s setup tents to spend the night. Eighteen kids between the ages of 15 and 6 played together outside for hours. An equal number of adults converged on the patio. Yep, I hosted 36 people on what was the worst day of my life 3 years prior. There was a moment before everyone arrived, I thought to myself: what in the world are you doing hosting a party on this date? But I have no regrets. In true community fashion, everyone chipped in. Two ..read more

There are times in life when change happens. Sometimes we want and welcome the change, and other times the change is thrusted upon us like a heavy brick against our chest, cutting off our oxygen. Whatever the case, changes are always lurking around the corner, and most of us develop fears and anxieties and hesitations when it comes to coping with change. Even our bodies don’t react well to change. Even when a change is considered to be a positive or good change, it still causes stress to our bodies, and our bodies do not know the difference between good and bad stress – it’s just all stress. B ..read more

Sunset Celebration at Sunset Park, Key Colony Beach When my late husband, Rich, learned that I’d never been to the Florida Keys he suggested that we honeymoon there. We were married in New Jersey in late September and I made my first visit to this beautiful place in early October. We flew into Fort Lauderdale, rented a car and glided down Route US One arriving for a stay at Hawks Cay Resort on Duck Key. Most people might think that the Keys are just another Florida resort among so many in the Sunshine State filled with wide white beaches and rows of towering condos, but they’d be wrong. The Ke ..read more

I was a rather odd kid in that, from a very early age, I was fascinated by the past. In particular, the ancient past. I’m sure I have my dad to thank for sparking my interest by telling me all about geology and astronomy when I was still very small. These were subjects he was interested in and studied in college, so his college textbooks were some of the books in our mini library in the spare bedroom of our house. I would spend hours and hours in there reading various books. Not exactly something you’d expect of a six year old. I remember a series of Time Life books my dad had gotten called ..read more

Zoey said, “ I’m lucky to have you as my tutor.” And with that, I felt tears well up in my eyes. I had to look away from the camera that was connecting us via Zoom. I took a moment to gather myself before looking up and replying softly, thanks. She couldn’t know it, of course, but Zoey’s simple declaration had made my first experience as a volunteer tutor feel worthwhile and special. *** I never wanted kids with my first wife, and it was the right choice for us because that relationship was bound to fail.  Jane, who became my second wife, was unable to have kids, though she desperately wa ..read more

Year Three Image by Tom Barrett via unsplash.com My imagination moves toward the clouds when I think of Dan. In the early days, I explored the clouds with curiosity and searched for him there. This particular cloud image is meant to show me past the event, so I selected one with light, shadow, darkness and clouds. The death-day passed with hard work and fanfare. How beloved is this man! I now stand in the shadow of the 3rd Year Anniversary of the death of my beloved person. Dan Neff. Three years ago I said goodbye and since that time I have said many hello’s when I sense his nearness. How can ..read more