Lately one question seems to cross my mind about a million times a day: What’s the point? My internal dialogue sounds something like this: “You should get dressed…..What’s the point?” “You should write a blog….What’s the point?” “You should go for a walk… What’s the point?” Normally I would analyze these feelings and identify the likely culprit as depression; I tend to withdraw considerably when I’m struggling mentally. This time however, the feeling is different. It is not sadness or depression I feel -but straight up cold hard apathy. It’s an intense feeling of disconnection from everythi ..read more

I’ve been wanting to write a blog for a while, but every time an idea or the mood strikes, something peculiar seems to happen. A voice, barely even loud enough to be heard, but somehow forceful enough to stop me in my tracks always says, “NO.”  “No one wants to hear what you have to say,” it hisses at me, somewhere in the landscape of my mind. The voice feels as though it’s coming from me and yet it feels strange, foreign. It is a bully that lives within. At each barb, I flood with anxiety and begin to question myself, making unlikely, irrational assumptions. A spiral of shame ..read more

January 24th, 2018, The day I was told I had cancer, I was three weeks away from getting on a plane to go to Nicaragua and complete my yoga teacher training. I needed a physical to ensure I could safely stay on an isolated reserve far away from immediate medical help. My entire future lay ahead of me. I would finally have another way to support myself financially instead doing the music/serving shuffle, and I would have a job I could work around enough so we could finally try and have a family. I hadn’t been to the doctor in several years, I was seeing a naturopath instead and generally felt h ..read more

I see a lot of discussion on Covid lately, and I just want to take a moment to allow you to see a different perspective of it. A lot of the focus is on covid itself, and how serious the virus is versus how seriously we should be thinking about what covid is impacting as a larger ripple effect, and I suppose this is my little ripple. I had already spent nearly a year in isolation when covid happened. I then spent the better part of last year in the hospital and for most of it was allowed no visitors, or one or two designated visitors only. I still have to live in isolation because of my immune ..read more

OK- This is an unorthodox “Bell Let’s Talk” mental health day smorgasbord of which 90% is a children’s book. Don’t be afraid. Read on. It has admittedly been a couple rough weeks. The damage to my kidneys is severe and not reversible- approximately 90% of it is scarred. My clinic visit continues to show a decline and at some point in the near future, my kidneys will fail and treatment will become supportive. The prospect of dialysis or another transplant is horrifying to me. On top of it all, it’s going to cost us about $40 K to replace all the teeth I had to have removed……So much about my li ..read more

A short story about life from the perspective of a transplant patient. Written by Cadence Grace for CBC short story competition in 2020. The last few days of my first life weren’t really so bad. I called it the honeymoon. My heart was still filled with hope and determination as I wandered the quiet halls in circles before retiring to my small room to laugh loudly at stand-up comedy specials. Those good days gave me a dangerously false sense of security, allowing the belief that I would be lucky enough to walk through the war-zone ahead of me unscathed. As the poison pulsing through me began t ..read more

Today I decided to go out for a walk in the sun. I usually go at night so I don’t have to worry about covering up, wearing sunscreen and hats. As a former ‘sun-baby’, I found it hard to stomach all these new precautions, so I just avoided it all together. But today the sun was calling my name and I listened. As I walked down Yonge street I revelled in the hustle and bustle of the people around me and the heat of the sun. I smiled at bright coloured storefronts and the peekaboo of freshly green trees reaching towards the sky, and suddenly I was crying. Tears tumbled towards the pavement as my ..read more

We got married three years ago today and stood across from each other (On literally the hottest freaking day of the year in the blazing sun). I cried my eyes out, and you claimed your eyes were just ‘sweating’, and we all laughed and then recited our vows. In sickness and in health. Through good times and bad. Till death do us part. I know in both of our minds that those things were long distant issues that we wouldn’t need to face for decades, if ever. They were just things you say at a wedding for tradition. We knew we could face them if we needed to, but in the joy and comfort of that spec ..read more

The last few days have been absolutely insane- so much so I haven’t really had time to sit down and reflect on them yet. Today I have a bit of downtime and I wanted to talk about how incredible my weekend was. This weekend I attended a retreat for women under 40 with cancer, hosted by Pink Pearl Canada. It was BY FAR the single most important step I have taken for myself during my cancer journey. I have attended many groups, and found them all extremely beneficial. From every group I always leave feeling more connected and less alone. This weekend however I felt those things and SO much more ..read more

Yesterday was amazing, and truly insane. After a wonderful weekend retreat, to walk into something like that was overwhelming. I cried in the corner for the first ten minutes because I was so filled with gratitude. I can never thank or repay everyone enough for all that you’ve done to show your support in every way imaginable. Thank you for lifting me up with your love. Last night as everyone left and we were alone, my mom Cheryl Wallace said to me: “I’m so proud of you, because this is what success looks like. You may have never had a top ten, or a gold record, but you have made an impac ..read more