Thanksgiving alone, again. Last year the kids should have been with me but Covid sent the kids to their dad’s. This year was his assigned year so they were gone. I made my first ever Thanksgiving meal, turkey too. It all turned out good. Would have been easier with outlets that worked in the kitchen. Now we enter full swing Christmas season and I love the music, decorations, and all the joy the season brings. Yet the struggle of being alone for part of it still weighs heavy on my heart. I had the kids last year on Christmas Eve and Christmas morning so this year Dad will have them. Then there ..read more

Last year at this time we were just starting to see cases of corona virus pop up here. School was still going full time and we were headed into spring break fully expecting to return after break to school and work. I was looking forward to break as I’d scheduled an appointment to file for divorce. Fast forward to today and it’s been such a roller coaster of events. My emotions have been all over this last year. I hit rock bottom somewhere around May, after 2 months at home in isolation with the kids, facing the reality that I was fighting for a marriage that was dead. Uncovering years of his i ..read more

As I am flipping through old pictures this time of year, ever year and remembering the emotional week we had 7 years ago with Jisela and her second and third brain surgeries up at Mayo. I see me smiling but not happy. I’d reached my heaviest weight, hated myself so much. I was drowning in fear ,anxiety, depression, and dealing with what I later figured out was an eating disorder. I shared none of these feelings with the people that mattered the most to me, I just stuffed more food in to cover them up. More food, more insulin, and another pound or two. Then I sat in a hospital room and watched ..read more

Because 2020 hasn’t already sucked enough I just spent two weeks at home in isolation because of having covid. I’m thankful it was a mild case and no one else in my family seems to have caught it. Spent Thanksgiving home alone curled up on the couch shivering, fever, chills, and unable to stay awake. Loss of taste and smell, which is now coming back slowly coming back. Plus side, if you want to call it that, I lost 8 lbs in 5 days. I am moving on from the divorce, I’ve met a special guy. I’m not sure where it is going to go, but even my kids like him. Never in my adult life have I been tickled ..read more

Final divorce papers were filed with the courts on October 5, 2020, 15 years to the exact date of our marriage. Ironic that it ended on the same date it began. I’m still going through some emotions, songs come on that make me sad, I look at old pictures of times I thought we were happy and question if we ever really were. I ask myself if I’ve made the right decision or a terrible mistake, even though I know it was what needed to be done. Not going to lie, my depression has been terrible. Some days I barely eat, can hardly pull myself out of bed, fix meals for the kids and myself, and other day ..read more

I know in my heart that divorce is really the best thing for us.  His patterns of lies, cheating, deception, etc over the years haven’t changed.  No matter how much he has said he still loves me actions always speak louder than words.  If you love a person and are going to fight to keep them, you don’t turn to the internet 6 days after they move out seeking a replacement.  You don’t plan an entirely new life with someone you’ve never even met in person and still expect a person to come back just because you say it’s over. My heart is completely shattered to have found out t ..read more

Back to work and school finally!!!  Still in limbo with the divorce.  I’m done and just waiting for him to sign.  He thinks it’s still possible to get me back. I know to much now.  I know about his porn addiction that’s been going on for almost 3 years now.  I know about the 8-10 women he’s been in contact with since we separated.  Some he tried paying for sex.  I know about all the dating sites, craigslist ads for hook ups, and his inquiry into joining an orgy.  I can’t ever trust him with my heart again.  He’s crushed me.  Those things only t ..read more

So I filed for divorce back on March 17th after waiting 10 weeks for Kevin to start “fighting” to save our marriage and the only time he spoke to me was about the kids, except for one Saturday in January when I asked him when he was going to start working on our relationship. That day he screamed from my driveway “when you stop being such a bitch!” Talk about heart broken, it was on the day of our 21st anniversary of our first date too. Great way to remember it. I finally waved an olive branch and asked him to talk, after the kids told me about a picture of a woman in the office, and finding o ..read more

The decision was made last week by the governor to not reopen the schools this year. Graduation is still questionable but probably a no go. Kevin and I sat down and talked for the first time in 4 months, I’m still not sure where we are going. He’s got his eyes on a new woman, but says he still cares about me. I’m hurt by his actions since I left because in the last 15 months he’s rejected me sexually, not once even thinking about a refill on the Viagra. Hasn’t even gone on a date with this girl yet (27 yrs younger than him) and he went and refilled the entire prescription. I’ve only been worth ..read more

Corona virus has everyone in a panic buying up everything that isn’t glued down. No meetings of groups larger than ten. Spring Break has been extended for an extra 3 weeks, leaving me temporarily out of work, also. Graduation ceremonies months away are being called off. This saddens me the most. After seeing my own child work so hard to overcome many challenges that could have kept her from graduating on time, she made it anyway. Then to add just a tiny bit more stress to my world I finally called it quits and filed for divorce yesterday. Enough is enough. Found out a couple weeks ago that whe ..read more