video of me reading this post aloud: https://youtu.be/4T9pigcA-cg (I am working on the subtitles and general accessibility. Please bare with me while I learn the technical aspects of all of this) I woke up from a nightmare the other day. It was pretty unsettling and was one of those dreams that feels super real and is hard to shake off. But it was also an excellent example of how empathy works for me as a neurodivergent individual and inspired me to do some writing about it. There’s a common misconception that Austists don’t have empathy. That’s not at all what it is in my experience. And it ..read more

I want to talk about my labels and identities. I have had unfortunate conversations where I have been told that labels are useless and I need to grow beyond them and that’s where I will find true happiness. There are a lot of problems with this line of thought. First of all I am not here to accomplish happiness. That is not a life goal or a value of mine or a priority. And no one gets to decide those things for me. Goals and values and priorities align or they don’t. They don’t need to be the same for alignment but they do need to be compatible and respectful. So when someone tells me to disc ..read more

Teenager self - circa 1998 Tessa: I wasn’t exactly yelling, I felt passionate while I worked through what was actually bothering me.  Teenager: Nope, it’s yelling. You are actually yelling when you’re passionate and it doesn’t feel good for me. Tessa on the inside: Ugh. Goddammit. Tessa on the outside: Ok. Thank you for letting me know. I’m going to write it down and sit with that later when I’m not in the middle of this thing. But that is totally valid, thank you for sharing it with me.  Teenager: Thanks for taking it so well, love you! Tessa: love you too! I’ve been having ..read more

My way of being, my personal truths, hurts people. It’s just true. Growth is uncomfortable and painful. I create pain with my very existence. We all do, that’s part of the human experience. We let each other down, we forget to practice grace, we have needs that don’t always align, we hold our boundaries. That is just a fact of life. I don’t like hurting people, it ya know, hurts them, and that sucks. It also makes me feel like a bad person because like a lot of us my human training was in martyrdom and that’s hard to shake, plus it’s awkward too. You get it, it’s generally unpleasant for every ..read more

Part One Part Two There are some major differences between self-imposed social isolation and government mandated social isolation. The big one being that when it is self-imposed (like my third period of isolation was) other people can continue to support you. I was not completely alone through that first year. I worked hard to set up systems for myself so I would be successful or at the very least eventually okay. I had a babysitter for example. Weaving was a system in my life. It paid for itself (supplies, equipment, yarn) and babysitting. Apart from the healing and reflective nature of crea ..read more

Chatelaine, Spring 2018 This is where you can find Part One When we think about emotional strength we tend to assign it certain characteristics; stoicism, resiliency, determination, stability, will-power. Those are our social values. But they weren’t what I felt when I broke. I just didn’t know what else to do but hide and get a handle on the basics of self-preservation, I knew better than to burden people with my truths. I knew no one had the capacity to support me emotionally through my pain. And I knew it was awkward for people. There is not a lot you can do for someone who is in pain ..read more

I made my first baby wrap in 2016 for The Great Competition of Weavers. I placed in the top 15 of over 85 participants. Sedimentary Dear Watson was based on sand under a microscope. I’m at the end of a seven year cycle of discord. That’s the nicest way I can describe it. I have been trying to come at this piece from different angles for years. I haven’t known how to tell my story. I know I want to tell it with compassion for everyone my story has touched and impacted or been a part of. I know I want to approach this not as a poor me story but as an empowerment story. But every time I sit to wr ..read more