Many of you are busy right now preparing for the days ahead. Christmas celebrates family and friends, laughter, long talks, and great food. The pantry is stalked with our favorite goodies. You’re making a list and checking it twice. You do all the right things and go through the motions. But when you love someone struggling with addiction, Christmas can be an agonizing experience. It’s like making holiday plans while waiting for a hand grenade to explode. You may have difficulties sleeping, wondering if your addicted loved one will appear over the holiday season. If they do, will they be s ..read more

When I first started using at fifteen, it didn’t occur to me I was self-medicating. All I knew was that the pain and turmoil inside me lessened when I drank or used drugs. Long before I picked up my first substance, I chose unhealthy roles to cope with my emotions. My first role was the Invisible One. I was quiet, walked on eggshells, and never rocked the boat. Then, I became the Chameleon. I was a people-pleaser or whatever you wanted me to be. I carried those roles with me and adopted more. Next came the ScapeGoat and the BlackSheep. I would exaggerate stories, make up lies, tell people wha ..read more

Have you ever heard your addicted loved one say, “I’m only hurting myself?” You probably want to scream, are you kidding me?! The truth is, they’re not. That’s why it’s important to have outside help. When you love someone struggling with addiction, it hurts. You’ll be overwhelmed, angry, frustrated, worried, and anxious, all at the same time. These intense emotions can cause you to act out in ways that aren’t helpful. Yelling, screaming, pleading, threatening, controlling, and enabling are unhealthy coping mechanisms to a stress response. So is guilt for behaving in such a manner. And after ..read more

In moderation, a glass of wine is a great way to unwind from a long stressful day. An ice-cold beer at a barbeque can be a conversation starter. A hot toddy will warm your insides on a cold winter day. Social gatherings are built around good food and good drink. But what happens when you build a lifestyle around substance? Instead of having one drink at dinner, you’re having three. Your weekends turn into a two-day drinking binge. Your New Year’s cocaine habit escalates to weekend use and then mid-weekly. The marijuana you smoked as a teenager is now an ounce a week habit. The Oxycodone you w ..read more

When I first got high at fifteen, it didn’t occur to me I was self-medicating. All I knew then is that when I drank or used drugs, the pain and turmoil inside me lessened. Long before using, I chose unhealthy roles to cope with my emotions. My first role was the Invisible One. I was quiet, walked on eggshells, and never rocked the boat. Next came the Chameleon. I was a codependent people-pleaser or whatever you wanted me to be. Lastly came the Blacksheep. If I couldn’t get positive attention, I was game for negative. I would exaggerate stories; makeup lies, tell people what they want to hear ..read more

Addiction is a disease, that if left untreated, can have fatal results. Yet many families still buy into the shame and stigma, fighting their life and death battles alone, in secrecy, behind closed doors. One worried mother recently broke her silence and reached out to me. This mother had never talked to anyone before and she had many questions. Mom asked if I would post her questions anonymously as she didn’t want her friends or extended family to know her daughter was addicted. This mother is not alone. And it’s not just the addicted person who suffers, either. Addiction is a family illness ..read more

It’s 3 a.m. and your son has not come home – again. You want to cry, or wail, or pound on the walls until your fists turn bloody. But you know that won’t change anything. Tears well in your eyes, as your husband sleeps beside you. For one crazy moment, you want to reach over and strangle him. Rage roils in your belly as you stifle the urge to shake him awake. Your son’s addiction doesn’t seem to affect your spouse, the way it does you. Overwhelmed and indecisive, you try to come up with a plan. Should you get out of bed and start looking for your son? And what if he comes home while you’re ou ..read more

Addiction comes in every shape, sex, color, and size. It affects every economic class and neighborhood and touches one in seven families across North America. We tend to believe addiction is about drug and alcohol abuse, and it is, to an extent. But drugs and alcohol are only a small part of the problem. The most challenging part of this disease is the way people think, feel, and behave. It’s easy to believe the addict is the sick one and the one who needs to make all the changes. But that’s not true, either. Addiction is a family illness. Like an iceberg, what you see sticking out of the wat ..read more

The Real Reasons You’re Not Getting Clean And Sober. People think they know you, but they don’t. Truthfully, you barely recognize yourself. Lately, you can’t even look in the mirror. You try not to think about it, but deep down, you know… your addiction is taking a massive toll on you and your family. Money, relationships, and self-respect-gone. Even before you dabbled with alcohol and/or drugs, you were on shaky ground. Now it’s a landslide. You tried doing the right things. You said what people wanted to hear. You smiled when you were in pain. You hide in plain sight. You never wanted ..read more

Survival In Families With Addiction. When a family member struggles with addiction, everyone in the family feels it. Living with a substance abuser is intense, scary, painful, and chaotic. To minimize chaos balance is sought within the family system through a mode of dynamics and survival. Family dynamics are the patterns of relating, or interactions, between family members. Each family is unique, although there are some common patterns. The most common of these patterns are roles defined to keep the peace and allow the family to survive the insanity being played out in their home. The family ..read more