There are times in our lives when things just feel… messy. Perhaps we are dealing with conflict, hardships, relationship difficulty, addictions, financial hardships or misfortunes, or we’re just not coping as well as we’d like to be. When we feel like we – or our lives – are messy, most of us instinctively try to hide that mess and vulnerability from others. We worry that our ‘messiness’ will be seen as weak, needy, unworthy, and flawed and we will lose love, connection, and approval in our lives. But research shows allowing other people to see our struggles, flaws, and faults makes us more ap ..read more

A Simple Tool to Break Old Habits As we go about daily life, we spend a great deal of time in what researchers call ‘autopilot mode’. That is, we’re not truly present because our attention is lost in wandering thoughts. This matters because on autopilot mode we tend to get caught in the same old habits, reactive patterns, and thinking patterns over and over again in loops, even if they are unhelpful, ineffective, or just plain bad for us. So in this post, I’ll share a simple tool to help break old habits, called a habit releaser. The tool comes from a book called Mindfulness, A Practical Guide ..read more

There is a huge body of evidence that shows that our mindset is the foundation for high performance, resilience in hard times and our ability to find happiness and meaning in daily life. We have the opportunity to change our world profoundly when we change our mindset. The challenge is that many of us fall into unhelpful mental habits that sap our mental strength, drain our vitality and suck the meaning and joy out of daily life. And we fall into them without even realising we’re doing it. One of the most simple and transformational mindset shifts I know of is the shift from the ‘I have to’ mi ..read more

We all experience difficult emotions from time to time, especially in the more challenging times in our lives. And when we do, our knee-jerk response is often to suppress or fight against those emotions. And while this is a completely understandable response to feeling something really hard to be with, a compelling body of research strongly suggests that these strategies are counterproductive. In clinical trials, researchers found that people who suppress feelings or struggle against emotions have an increased risk of mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety. And those who mental ..read more

We all have moments of pain and distress. When the demands of our lives stretch us to our limits. When we feel grief, heartbreak or hopelessness. When these kinds of really big painful moments happen, our knee-jerk responses tend to make things worse in an already difficult time. Often we struggle against the discomfort we feel. We might try to push the pain away, block it out, numb it or distract from it. Other times, the feelings consume us, and we sink into the quicksand of overwhelm. Over a decade of psychological research suggests that none of the above strategies for dealing with emotion ..read more

In Christianity, envy is one of the seven deadly sins. In Buddhist teaching, envy is closely related to the term irshya – a mental factor that’s considered detrimental or unwholesome. You may have heard this saying, “Envy is the thief of happiness”, or “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And modern research warns that envy can lead to depression and anxiety. So if envy is the thief of happiness, what can we do to avoid its negative impacts in our lives? Press play on my latest podcast, or keep reading, to find out more about the cause of envy and the ways to transform it. I’ll give you some scie ..read more

Do you consider yourself a perfectionist? Many of us throw around the term to describe ourselves when we are driven to succeed or have high standards. But when we really unpack perfectionism, it is a mental habit that can make life feel like an endless report card on whether or not we, or others, are measuring up. Perfectionists set unrealistically high expectations. They demand near flawlessness from themselves and others, are overly critical of mistakes and quick to find fault. While having high standards for your life can be healthy, perfectionism is driven by a judgemental and critical pat ..read more

“It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped. Less than a second: a simple yes or no changes everything.”  Tony Robbins We make a lot of decisions every day and these decisions are what determine the direction and quality of our lives. Some are little. Some are completely life-altering. So how do we let go of mental clutter, uncertainty and confusion and make those decisions in the best way possible? My favourite technique is through using the head-heart-gut check-in. A powerful mental strength tool for making decisions. The head-heart-gut check-in helps you tap into the ..read more

We all have a voice inside our heads, and for many of us it can take the form of an inner critic.  Even if we’re not aware of it, this inner voice has so much power to impact the way we feel about ourselves, our relationships, and our lives. It can crush our self-esteem, plague us with self-doubt and cause us much stress and anxiety. The good news is, we can unwind all that inner tension, struggle and suffering using a simple, evidence-based tool that has the power to profoundly change things for the better and improve your mental strength. Hit play on the podcast, or keep reading, to fin ..read more

The human mind is a double-edged sword. On the upside it enables us to plan, solve problems, create goals and work towards our dreams. But the dark side of the human mind is that it also tends to haunt our inner world with unhelpful and painful thoughts. For many of us, that voice inside can become our own worst enemy. It ramps up our stress and anxiety, crushes our self-esteem and pulls us into dark moods and reactivity. When we walk through life believing everything our mind says, we can easily find ourselves stuck in a cycle of suffering, stress and disempowerment. A cycle that inhibits us ..read more