How do I motivate my teen to do their homework?
Ask Dr. Cam Blog
by Cameron (Dr. Cam) Caswell, PhD
1y ago
Once upon a time... there was a family whose son was struggling academically. Before the pandemic, he was a straight-A student, but things had changed. He had become lazy. He no longer cared about school. No matter what his parents tried, they couldn't seem to motivate him to do his schoolwork. They had tried everything from taking away his phone and video games to warning him of the negative consequences for being lazy, but nothing seemed to work. They were tired of constantly fighting with him, but they didn't know what else to do. I hear stories like this all the time. Dropping grades and l ..read more
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Problem-Solving Vs. Punishment
Ask Dr. Cam Blog
by Cameron (Dr. Cam) Caswell, PhD
1y ago
As parents, we want to teach our teenagers how to be responsible, accountable, and respectful members of society. This can be challenging when they act out, take unnecessary risks, or don’t comply with our demands. For many parents, the instinct is to punish their teen for their bad behavior. They may ground them, take away privileges, or heap on restrictions and unappealing tasks. They believe that if they make their teen pay for their transgressions, they will learn to make better ones in the future. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. Although this approach may result in immediate comp ..read more
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Pro Parenting Tip #37: It’s Not About the Nail
Ask Dr. Cam Blog
by Cameron (Dr. Cam) Caswell, PhD
1y ago
The one skill I think is the most critical for parents of teens to master is Empathetic Listening. ? It’s also one of the most difficult skills to get right. ??‍♀️ In my transformative parenting course, From Chaos to Calm in 60 Days, we spend an entire session just learning to listen. Then we practice on one another. It's fun, but man, it's HARD. Even with me right there coaching, parents can't resist fixing, pep talking, advising, problem solving… And I was struggling to give them that concrete AHA moment they needed for it to really sink in. Then one of my awesome students shared this video ..read more
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Pro Parenting Tip #36: Toss the Box
Ask Dr. Cam Blog
by Cameron (Dr. Cam) Caswell, PhD
1y ago
I hate milk. ? Always have. Always will. It tastes disgusting and it makes me feel sick. ? But I grew up in a time where all healthy kids drank their milk. ? Even my pediatrician warned my mom that if I didn’t drink more milk, I may never grow to a "normal" height. So, my mom did what every good mom would do. She forced me to drink my milk. Every day was a power struggle. ⚔️ I would cry, resist, melt down. ? She would yell, set timers, make threats, and even blocked me from the bathroom so I couldn’t spit out the milk I had squirreled away in my cheeks. ?️ She was exhausted. She didn ..read more
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Pro Parenting Tip #35: Know Your Parenting Style
Ask Dr. Cam Blog
by Cameron (Dr. Cam) Caswell, PhD
1y ago
As parents, of course we love our kids and want what’s best for them. I have yet to meet a family where that isn’t 100% obvious. The difficult part is knowing exactly what that is or how to get it. Just like them, we’re doing the best we can with what we know. We make choices based on our own childhood experiences, trial & error, and observing those around us. Sometimes we get it right. Sometimes we don’t. Fortunately, the more informed and self-aware we are, the easier it is to make better parenting choices. A great place to start is knowing your parenting style. STEP 1 Below are ..read more
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Pro Parenting Tip #34: Focus on what you CAN control
Ask Dr. Cam Blog
by Cameron (Dr. Cam) Caswell, PhD
1y ago
A lot of conflict with our teens is centered around control. We want them to... Focus more on school, less on social media Do their chores without us asking. Tell us what's going on when we ask. Mope less. Smile more. Spend less time on their devices and more time with us. Act less entitled and more appreciative. ...the list goes on. But no matter how nicely we ask or powerfully we persuade, we’re often met with push back and attitude. It can be irritating. We end up yelling and nagging until it feels like our heads are about to explode. The reason we get so stressed out is becaus ..read more
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Pro Parenting Tip #33: Stack Habits
Ask Dr. Cam Blog
by Cameron (Dr. Cam) Caswell, PhD
1y ago
We want our teens to develop healthy habits, but it can feel like pulling teeth to get them to brush their teeth. To understand why, let’s look at the science underlying habits. A habit is formed when we repeat an action enough times to create a neural pathway in our brain. Once this neural pathway is forged, the activity becomes so effortless we don’t even have to think about doing it. But creating a new neural pathway isn’t easy. In fact, it’s quite difficult. It requires consistency over a span of time. The disruption caused by our teens’ ever-changing schedules and activities can make th ..read more
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Pro Parenting Tip #32: Mini Wins
Ask Dr. Cam Blog
by Cameron (Dr. Cam) Caswell, PhD
1y ago
Motivation! Why is it such a struggle to motivate teens to do anything besides scroll through TikTok, play video games, or talk with their friends? Because… Other stuff doesn’t feel nearly as good—on their brain. Every scroll, thumbs up, earned point, or LOL rewards their brain with a burst of the feel-good hormone dopamine. But that pleasant rush is short-lived. So, once they find a behavior that releases it, they’re instinctually motivated to keep repeating it. Explains a lot, right? Guess what doesn’t release dopamine? Stuff they find boring, overwhelming, or undesirable like taking out th ..read more
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Pro Parenting Tip #31: Step into their shoes
Ask Dr. Cam Blog
by Cameron (Dr. Cam) Caswell, PhD
1y ago
“You sound angry.” “Wow, that must be frustrating.” “I’m sorry you feel that way.” You listen, empathize, and validate… And your teen rolls their eyes, gets upset, and calls you out for being fake or speaking psychobabble. It’s irritating, even infuriating, when our attempts at connection get met with disdain. We did everything “right,” so what went wrong? Here’s what I’ve noticed… We can become so focused on WHAT we’re supposed to do (…unfold arms, put down phone, look them in the eye, ask clarifying questions, label their emotion, don’t fix it…) that we forget WHY we’re doing it (to ..read more
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Pro Parenting Tip #30: Get Out of the Gutter
Ask Dr. Cam Blog
by Cameron (Dr. Cam) Caswell, PhD
1y ago
I’m a terrible bowler ? No matter how hard I try, I always land in the gutter. First the ball drops into the left gutter. Then I overcompensate and it drops into the right. I just can’t seem to find that sweet spot to get my ball to roll down the middle. Parents often do the same thing with their teens. First, we attempt to connect with our teens by giving in and letting go of things to avoid unnecessary conflict and make our kids happy. But eventually, we start getting angry that our teens aren’t making the choices we expect, or we feel like a disrespected doormat. That’s a sign we’v ..read more
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