Date night, naturally. What else indeed. Hadn’t been able to weedle out of Darling the subject of the long conversation with Darling’s ex fiancé. Tried many times – casually on lunchtime check-ins, in the middle of afterglow in bed (thereafter short lived). Even tried element of surprise first thing in the AM. “I had the craziest dreams last night. Sea-serpents and aubergines. How did you sleep? That conversation with Ex must be your mind, very stressful most definitely… maybe you dreamt about that, what EXACTLY was it again I forget…” Like picking a lock with a fork. Not subtle, left feeling ..read more

How, in all that is holy, do I succeed in finding happiness as a new stepparent? Hey brand spanking new stepparent, pull up a pew. The stepparent community is a supportive bunch, and with their help I’ve put together the 6 commandments for a happy and successful life as a new stepparent – however that might look for your situation. Because happy wife stepmum, happy everyone. (T-shirts incoming.) 1. Thou Shall Decide on One’s Boundaries and Stick To Them Like Rubber to Glue There is plenty of feeling your way in the early days. Missteps and falling over. Mostly we can shamefacedly / angrily ..read more

Intention for the day: just be cool. Does it get easier? Bloody hope so. Minding own business, cooking feast for kings and listening to something stupid, when her name pops up on his phone. No warning. Bold, bright and entirely terrible. ARGH. Faaaak. Heart leaps out of mouth and splatters drastically and dramatically all over the kitchen floor. Consider joining it there, but instead stare at phone. Rocking, wringing, ringing, steps back, steps forward, and… it stops. Realise that choices are – take phone to him, inform of unwelcome intrusion on peace, allow him to take off into the next roo ..read more

How to describe it without inadvertently catfishing? Intention for the day: tattoo “lonely stepmother” on forehead. I wouldn’t know a successful stepmother if she slapped me on the fine behind. How very well COULD I? They all look like v. decent, normal humans. Or possibly slinking in the shadows, talons around old fashioneds. A cloud of Chanel hiding lack of comfort. Either way, one does not ever, ever talk about it. It’s a shame, we would all be best friends, this we know. Am a proud millennial. Part of the mortgage hustling, first family, into-their-thirties-but-only-just generation. It’s ..read more

Stepfamily Christmases can be rough, tough, and full of bluff(ing) Intention for the day: grievance rumination mindful mindfulness Opened affirmations journal to “I am inspired by the things happening all around me”. Two thoughts: 1. presume “inspired to murder” included, and 2. more of an instruction than an affirmation. Overall, not a great start. Inspiration is tricky this time of year. Even more so when head is full of devious ways to spy on the other household. How dare they be happy when they seem to wish us so ill. Let me see them being so happy. Just need to check on them being so ha ..read more

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it. Well, I meant it, but I was so stupid that I didn’t mean what I meant… After all, it’s only a diary. Everyone knows diaries are just… full of crap.” Bridget Jones’s Diary 4 January 2022 – Hangry and Hungover Intention for the day: grievance rumination mindful mindfulness Opened affirmations journal to “I am inspired by the things happening all around me”. Two thoughts: 1. presume “inspired to murder” included, and 2. more of an instruction than an affirmation. Overall, not a great start. Inspiration is tricky this time of year. Even more so when head is full o ..read more

This article first appeared on Stepfamily Magazine. It’s a cycle we’re desperate to break. We’re angry, so we ruminate, which makes us more angry, and so we ruminate some more. The anger and the insecurity means something to us – it’s evidence to us that what we’ve been through, what we’re going through, isn’t right. We’re justified in feeling this way, and slowly our pain starts to define us. Through the emotional bombardment we’re vaguely conscious that having our stepchild’s mother tap-dance devilishly around our minds probably isn’t doing anything for our mental wellbeing. I came to this r ..read more

How does a stepmother survive her partner’s parental alienation? The answer: with enormous courage, and a stepmother crew which knows what they’re going through. Or, in my case, a lot of be-heeled over-compensation – late nights on espresso martinis. Living a fabulous life, darling?! “Don’t know what it is to be a stepmother. Didn’t want to anyway. Sod the lot of you.” We all have coping mechanisms to get through the challenges, but surviving parental alienation as a stepparent is unique in that there really is no other scenario in life which can prepare you for it. More than that – it’s somet ..read more

Here’s something of which I was blissfully unaware until just last week. In the UK, you may be refused IVF treatment on the NHS simply because your partner already has a child. Sarah Barker, who blogs as UK Stepmum, together with @thestepmumcollective, are at the beginning of their fight to change this. It’s a fight which has been started before, one which is yet to be won, and one which is all the better for having these women on its side. Sarah Barker AKA @ukstepmum © UK Step Mum, shared with permission Jordan and Billie, the beautiful brains behind @thestepmumcollective, and Sarah spoke a ..read more

***This article comes with a health warning this time. Losing child access is an enormously traumatic thing to go through. If you need support with coping, there are some links at the bottom of this article. And if you’ve been through it yourself and have something to say – please get in touch.*** “I don’t have access to my stepchildren. Am I still a stepmother?” The trauma of losing access to a child who is still living is a unique kind of pain that very few people talk about, and for which there is very little support. You can’t liken it to anything else, and people find it difficult to empa ..read more