It is so exciting! Otherhood: Essays on being childless, childfree and child adjacent is available from 9 May. As I've mentioned before (here), I have an essay in the book, and can't wait to read all the other essays. I'm sure to find a lot of food for thought in the perspectives of others who are Not Kidding in New Zealand. No doubt there will be a lot of blog posts as a result too! I'm eagerly awaiting for my copy to arrive in the mail. It was also exciting to hear a review of it here on Radio New Zealand this afternoon. A positive one, too! You can find the brief but interesting discussion ..read more

We have guests coming for dinner tonight. So I've no time to blog (and clearly didn't plan in advance enough) because I'll be baking a cake (my first real cake* in a year or more), and scurryfunging (my new favourite word - see note** below). It's good having visitors - for once the house will be clean and tidy. And that lasts after they're gone too. So will the cake! Our guests don't have kids either. So there will be no talk of kids and/or grand-kids. Rather, we'll be talking about adventures, past and future. Giving and receiving tips. Living the lives we have. *  I.e. Not a cheesecak ..read more

It's the last day of Easter. Tomorrow everyone goes back to work, except those in education, who historically get another day off. The country has been on holiday.   My sister-in-law posted a photo of a big gathering at her house – her kids and friends kids all together. She loves to entertain, and as she rightly said, her house is a great party house. I had a little twinge, I will admit. But in a few years, all her kids will have left home. She’ll probably still throw parties - who needs kids to do that? These days, most parents I know have kids who are grown, and living far afield. Thei ..read more

I recently saw someone posting on an ageing without children forum talking about their health and fitness regime as a means of protection for their old age. This wasn't the first time I've seen the argument for taking care of our health and staying as fit as we can for as long as we can. It's a good message, except when it is seen as a solution for the issues those of us without children face when we are old. It's so short-sighted. We can do everything right, and still fall ill. My mother and my in-laws and several friends are examples of healthy living and good exercise, and still being affec ..read more

I love a good quote. Regular readers know that already! I love finding that someone has perfectly, succinctly, eloquently expressed an emotion I have not previously been able to articulate. Or when I read a quote that has expressed a feeling or belief I have had, and I see it validated in print. (If only I could memorise them all when I first read them.) Quotes can go a long way – much further than a too-wordy blogpost! And so, today’s post again highlights thoughts from the insightful Maya Angelou: “If you are always trying to be normal, you’ll never know how amazing you can be.” This seems t ..read more

If you haven’t read Jess’s post about speaking, from a No Kidding childless not by choice perspective at the function for the book Adoption Unfiltered (frequent commenter here, Lori Lavender Luz is a co-author) then I urge you to do it. Do it now! She talks from the perspective of someone who tried to go the adoption route, but is now living a kick-ass (her words) life without children. Many of you might share her perspective, or recognise some of her concerns from your own experience. There was an interesting series of posts from different bloggers some years ago about why we did not adopt. H ..read more

I’ve been thinking about resilience and adapting to change recently, and was chatting to my husband about it. We agreed that many people struggle to adapt to change – his parents did, for example. He laughed, and pointed out how much it annoys us when the supermarket changes its layout, or drops some of our favourite things. “That’s just irritating,” I said.  Infuriating, even, I will admit to you now! But it doesn’t make me afraid, in the way I see that change makes some people afraid. Adapting to change is really hard. Covid was scary enough, and there are changes all over the world rig ..read more

When we are children, we learn by mimicking others, and by repetition.  I remember first studying languages - mimicking, and repetition were the keys, along with understand why sentences were constructed the way they were, or why things meant what they did. I still love that, and I've just started teaching myself - with online assistance - another language. Repetition is the key. I was thinking about my post last week. Nothing I wrote there was new on this blog, except for the way it was expressed and packaged. The messages were the same I've been giving for years. This was not the first ..read more

A decade ago, I made a note in my blogging drafts folder of a series of posts written by Hope at A Crack in Everything (still online, but not added to since 2015) that talked about an “encouragement card” issued by an IVF clinic, in an attempt to ease the stress felt by those undergoing the process. The card was inspired by a study showing that positive thinking helps relieve stress, and its ten points basically said, “think positively.” Not bad advice, but not terribly helpful. Do read all three posts. They’re really wonderful. And I hope that Hope is doing well, wherever she is. She include ..read more

I was chatting with an old friend yesterday (just to clarify, she is one I’ve known for 44 years, not an OLD friend, even though we are of course, both getting older), and mentioned I needed to write a post for this blog. She is also living a No Kidding life. She commented that for years, people would try to convince her to have children. That she needed to have kids so she would have someone to look after her in her old age. Aside from the obvious, that this is no guarantee of having care, she noted that this attitude is completely selfish. I totally agree. I’ve seen it in practice. There wa ..read more