I recently visited my father-in-law, Bill. At 83, he was showing his age. His decline from Parkinson’s had accelerated with dementia making words harder to find and thoughts tougher to follow. Bill and Kaye (my mother-in-law) have been in their retirement home for 15 years. It’s a one-level home they designed so they can age … Billville: Population Dad Read More » The post Billville: Population Dad first appeared on Random Thoughts From The Man Cave ..read more

CHARGE:Mr. Frosted Mini Wheat (aka “Sal the Stopper,” aka “Carlos the Clogger”) is wanted for the ATTEMPTED MURDER, by choking, of Kevin S. McDermott.LAST KNOW WHEREABOUTS:Was first seen in the Salt Lake City Sheraton gift shop. Kevin McDermott reports seeing the perp flee down his hotel room sink.PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION:Resembles a small, flattened bale of hay, … Mr. Frosted Mini Wheat-Wanted for Attempted Murder. Is 21% of Your Daily Fiber Requirement Worth the Risk? Read More » The post Mr. Frosted Mini Wheat-Wanted for Attempted Murder. Is 21% of Your Daily Fiber Requirement Worth the Risk? f ..read more

Have you ever been at your wits’ end trying to get your children to behave or do simple tasks? My Dad Discipline Program has the tools to help you coerce your offspring into obedience. Here are just a few of my scientifically proven methods that will have your children writhing in despair or cringing with … Call Now for My Patented Dad Discipline Program. Guaranteed to Humiliate your Kids into Obedience in 1 Month or Less Read More » The post Call Now for My Patented Dad Discipline Program. Guaranteed to Humiliate your Kids into Obedience in 1 Month or Less first appeared on Random Thoughts Fr ..read more

Hi Kevin, that kick you just felt in your abdomen was from the two burritos, three tacos and three Cinnabon Delights you manhandled down your pie hole last night. I’m a burrito from that value menu lineup, and I was elected spokesperson to tell you we’re not happy with the way you’ve been treating us … I’m Last Night’s Taco Bell Value Meal, and I’m Not Happy with Our Current Relationship. This is Your Two-minute Warning Read More » The post I’m Last Night’s Taco Bell Value Meal, and I’m Not Happy with Our Current Relationship. This is Your Two-minute Warning first appeared on Random Thoughts F ..read more

We have made first contact with human beings and completed our two-week reconnaissance mission at a Sheetz convenience and refueling station. In light of our findings, we strongly urge cancelling the planned invasion of earth. Here is a summary of our tactics, observations and recommendations The Sheetz station is a great source of intel. Phil, … Email from Invading Alien Scout Force Accidentally Sent to My Inbox: Rest Easy, Our Convenience Store Culture Scared them Off. Read More » The post first appeared on Random Thoughts From The Man Cave ..read more

American products have lost their edge. They’re no longer designed to stand up to the ordinary wear and tear of a household with children. I just lost $200 and half a day because of this shortfall in engineering imagination.  The other day, I came home to a dishwasher that looked like it was hit by … Why Don’t Engineers Design Appliances to Withstand the Perfectly “Normal” Lifestyle of My Children: Lessons From Little Mr. Sunshine Read More » The post Why Don’t Engineers Design Appliances to Withstand the Perfectly “Normal” Lifestyle of My Children: Lessons From Little Mr. Sunshine first ..read more

Reasons to move Superbowl LV to Raymond James Stadium in Tampa My long-range plan is to win Super Bowl LIII and then dump Bill in 2020 and move to Tampa. Bill is getting even creepier and hard to be around. He always reeks of Philly cheese steaks and orange soda and he won’t stop talking … Just Leaked: Tom Brady’s 2017 PowerPoint Presentation Used to Convince Roger Goodell to Move Super Bowl LV to Tampa: One More reason TB12 Chaps my Hide. Read More » The post Just Leaked: Tom Brady’s 2017 PowerPoint Presentation Used to Convince Roger Goodell to Move Super Bowl LV to Tampa: One More reason TB ..read more

Facebook-only followers, I continue to have trouble getting you my posts. Use my site’s HOME button to see recent articles and SIGN UP for email delivery to not miss future ones. During a drive to NYC a few weeks ago, I passed a sign for the Liberty Science Center in Jersey City. I broke into … Overly Involved Parents Beware! Never Trust a Cafeteria Reuben Sandwich Before Crawling into a Sensory Deprivation Attraction Read More » The post Overly Involved Parents Beware! Never Trust a Cafeteria Reuben Sandwich Before Crawling into a Sensory Deprivation Attraction first appeared on Random Though ..read more

The Dean of Alumni Relations for Staten Island’s Wagner College (Salvatore Bagodonuts) reluctantly acknowledged Kim Jong-un will be attending the Class of 2006’s 15-year reunion. “We had no clue Mr. Kim attended our college. He just blended in with all the other whack stuff here on the Island,” said Mr. Bagodonuts. He continued, “Unfortunately, our … Staten Island’s Wagner College Reluctantly Allows Kim Jong-un to Attend Class 2006’s 15-Year Reunion Read More » The post Staten Island’s Wagner College Reluctantly Allows Kim Jong-un to Attend Class 2006’s 15-Year Reunion first appeared on Random ..read more

Where are my skinny jeans? That’s pronounced “Shar-KOO-tuh-REE!” Could you pick me up a large musk oil and an extra-large hair gel? Do these camo pants make me look fat? Take this back. There’s way too much cheese on these nachos. Where are my opera glasses? No, they aren’t with my opera cloak! I just … NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THIS STUFF, BUT HERE GO SOME THINGS YOU’LL PROBABLY NEVER HEAR FROM THIS MIDDLE-AGED GUY Read More » The post NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THIS STUFF, BUT HERE GO SOME THINGS YOU’LL PROBABLY NEVER HEAR FROM THIS MIDDLE-AGED GUY first appeared on Rand ..read more