I am lonely. I finally admitted this in a quiet whisper to myself as I sat on my deck. I am so lonely. I have hardly any active friendships. Beyond one couple, if you told me to call a friend, I don’t know who I would call. This is self-imposed, by the way. After my first marriage ended, it was just Summer and I for about four years and she was a baby. The two of us did life together. Family and friends stood up to help take care of my Summer while I worked. This gave the illusion of still having friends because I still saw them. But perhaps as I look back, I was subconsciously keeping them at ..read more

Talk about heaven and hell. Two weeks ago, against every ounce of fear in me, we started/joined a Life Team…a Bible study group. When it came to the question of “what are we going to talk about” we decided to discuss the previous sermons. In the month of January, the sermon series has been about the book of Revelation. I love this book. My favourite verse is in there. I could read it a million times. This past Sunday the pastor talked about the final two chapters – 21 and 22. These chapters are all about the beauty of heaven. As someone who struggles with depression and fights dark thoughts ..read more

Do you struggle like me? To have a heart on fire for SOMETHING? To feel you have purpose? Worth? Has the fire in your lif been snuffed out?  Or is your heart on fire right now? “Elijah said to the prophets of Baal, “Choose one of the bulls and prepare it first, since there are so many of you. Call on the name of your god, but do not light the fire.” So they took the bull given them and prepared it. Then they called on the name of Baal from morning till noon. “Baal, answer us!” they shouted. But there was no response; no one answered. And they danced around the altar they had made. At ..read more

There are three catchy phrases that have never sat right with me. They are extremely popular right now and in my research for my book, I heard them alot. Are you ready? Self-love My truth Living my best life These bother me. Because I know me. I can’t do these things. I know my insecurities and my shortcomings. I’ve struggled with loving myself for as long as I can remember.  While interviewing for my book, I asked the question: What have you found to help you overcome shame? A few times I received the answer that they had been learning the art of self-love. In order to refute the lie ..read more

“Why are you sleeping?” he asked them. “Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.”  Luke 22:46 I hate being broken. Feeling broken. Admitting I’m broken. Last month I caved and did something awful. Regret set in as my husband said he was disappointed in me. My chin quivering, I abruptly got up, telling him I was going for a walk. My natural way of doing things is to drown in shame, living in that dark place. I usually shut down and am good for nothing. But God doesn’t want shame-filled people who are good for nothing. In Luke 22 Jesus, knowing the cross was near, told ..read more

This may be highly offensive. I’m sorry if it is. I’m just trying to work through my thoughts after our pastor touched on abortion. Trying to process the idea of “trust God”. I’ve always been against abortion but have followed that statement up with this: “but if I get raped and pregnant, I’d probably get one. I’d probably be first in line.” I’ve been thinking a lot this week about things I could face in my future. There is so much unknown. How will I handle it when it comes? There are other situations that are such hot topics right now, such as transition surgeries, or LGBTQ+…tough topics t ..read more

I’m just going to tell you a story today. Nothing fancy. Nothing crazy edited. Because something happened yesterday – good and bad. I promised God that I would tell about His grace and forgiveness today because of it. I will speak in some vague terms simply because I’m embarrassed about my own actions. I met someone amazing on Wednesday this week. Amazing. We share a ton of things in common – most of these are painful experiences but shared nonetheless. It was an amazing day. Then came Thursday. Yesterday. I woke up and reached out to encourage this person. Trying to lift her up. It was even ..read more

I would much rather stay in my safe comfort zone than attempt to walk any where near the border of love and hate. I’d rather dwell with those I know and agree with. I wouldn’t come out of the gate and say that I have enemies.  But I think I have people – individuals or groups – that I try to avoid and keep my distance from.  I’m pretty sure that there are people who try to keep their distance from me too. It must be safe to say that we all have that in our lives.  We don’t agree with everybody.  We don’t support everybody.  We don’t like everybody. It’s just the way ..read more

When relationships get tricky – maybe even dangerous – how do we love God wisely?  What does He expect of us?   Are we to keep getting our hands dirty in love even though it may destroy us? This week I’ve been confronted with an awkward situation where I must terminate a professional relationship, in regards to massage therapy.  I haven’t done it yet…I’ve been stuck and dreading it.   I knew the moment I had to do it.  Also, Ted reinforced it and he is absolutely right.  I know this individual has had a tough life but it is no longer wise to be involve ..read more

I am not a fan of gardening.  It requires three things I do not possess: time, patience, and grace. I want to plant something and then never have to worry about it ever again.  Not ‘low-maintenance’ but rather ‘no maintenance’.  No time required. In a similar way to the catch-phrase “set it and forget it”, I want to plant it and forget it.  Not as catchy but you get the idea. One of the things we’ve planted are boxwoods around our front walkway.  We must have purchased about 15 and they are not cheap!!!  The goal is that over the years they will grow and blend s ..read more