39 Things I want to do before 40.
I Do, I Did, and I'm Not Done
by Julie Andrus
3y ago
Today is my 39th birthday. I used to think 40 year old’s were ancient! This year has been so bizarre and nothing feels normal. This year has taught me how to find gratitude in the darkest of places. It’s brought me closer to my family and made me a stronger person. I’ve learned that tomorrow is not promised. As I celebrate my birthday I am reminded of Aubrey (my sister in law who passed in February) words she wrote a post on her Instagram last New Years “In 2020 I plan to continue to say ‘yes’ to more, live with intention, be more kind and compassionate and tell people just how much they mean ..read more
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The Year 2020
I Do, I Did, and I'm Not Done
by Julie Andrus
3y ago
I can confidently say 2020 has been the most difficult year I have lived through. High-five for getting to December everyone! The struggle started before the pandemic even began when my sister-in-law lost her life to cancer. This loss began a cascade of events nobody could have been prepared for. This year has taken me to depths of grief I had never experienced. Wrapped up in this tornado of sadness was also one of the best moments of my life - Scott got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. It felt like the best breath of fresh air. Love still wins, right? While I was struggling with ..read more
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My Recharge Plan Didn’t Work.
I Do, I Did, and I'm Not Done
by Julie Andrus
3y ago
Expectations are a funny thing. I took off to the cottage for a couple of days. One day with kids and one without. I was really looking forward to this mini getaway. I thought I’d bask in the sunshine reading my book while the kids played in the water and more or less entertained themselves. I thought I’d enjoy some peace and quiet after they had gone to bed in the serene setting of the cottage. I brought all my materials to write, I would surely feel inspired in nature. The cottage has usually served as an amazing way for me to recharge and relax. Reality set in when I found myself yelling fr ..read more
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Healing Doesn’t Mean The Damage Never Existed.
I Do, I Did, and I'm Not Done
by Julie Andrus
3y ago
“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed, it means the damage no longer controls our lives.” - Akshay Dubey How do we move to the “it doesn’t control our life” part? What do you do when it’s stuck in your head? How do we navigate the conflict between how we feel and what we want to feel? At first, what happened to me controlled my life. It’s all I thought about. I’d spend hours and hours trying to understand or reconcile how and why it happened. It completely and utterly consumed me. When you are feeling overwhelmed with negative thoughts it’s difficult to learn how to tune them out. I f ..read more
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Will They Ride For You?
I Do, I Did, and I'm Not Done
by Julie Andrus
3y ago
I have ideas. I have BIG dreams. When inspiration hits, I need to capture it. My timing is not always ideal. I’m whimsical. I change my mind a lot. I get excited, and I need you to know I am excited. I am a storyteller. People’s energy can deflate my spirit. I’ll always tell you what I am thinking (it’s not always the best delivery). I carry a tiny imaginary suitcase of “nah, you can’t do it” memos. I am not a 9-5 kinda gal. I cry, a lot. I need your undivided attention. The person I am becoming needs a partner who takes her seriously; who listens to her quirky outbursts and support her dreams ..read more
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Divorce Guilt
I Do, I Did, and I'm Not Done
by Julie Andrus
3y ago
Getting a divorce really put a damper on my parenting game. I’d like to say that pre-divorce I was pretty consistent in my parenting style. Most often when I said “no”, I’d stick to my guns. I wouldn’t say I was strict by any stretch, but when my mind was made up there really wasn’t much the kids could say or do to sway me. This is certainly not the case these days. I always had back up - my ex-husband and I supported each other’s parenting decisions in the moment. On occasions when we didn’t agree, we’d discuss it out of ear shot of the kids. It was always “two parents against the kids” in th ..read more
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Transition Days
I Do, I Did, and I'm Not Done
by Julie Andrus
3y ago
Today was a transition day at our house. Transition days are when the kids go back to their dad’s or come home after being at their dad’s for a couple of days. I’ve learned that even though we have been sharing custody for three years, these transition days can have their challenges. We share our kids on a 2-2-3 schedule. Two days with me, two days with their dad, and back to me for three and the following week it’s the opposite. We decided on this shared schedule because at the time we separated my daughter was only 5. The idea of her staying an entire week without one of us would be too much ..read more
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Rejection
I Do, I Did, and I'm Not Done
by Julie Andrus
3y ago
How many times can you remember being rejected? How did it feel? Did you immediately start to dissect your shortcomings? Maybe you felt sick to your stomach. Perhaps anger washed over you, leaving your fists shaking. Guy Winch says “The greatest damage rejection causes is usually self-inflicted. Just when our self esteem is hurting most, we go and damage it even further.” The rejection I felt from my husband leaving ran deep in my core. I’d never experienced physical and emotional pain like that before. In my thinking and reading about rejection and it’s impact on future relationships and expe ..read more
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You’re Getting Remarried
I Do, I Did, and I'm Not Done
by Julie Andrus
3y ago
I remember those early days after separating from my husband. People would ask “will you ever get married again?”  What a loaded question that is.  At the time, I couldn’t picture myself loving anyone else, ever.  He was it, my one great big love.  At times, this question felt like a healing/happiness meter.  If I said “yes”, did it mean that I’d moved through the hurt and pain and had come out the other side free of scars and ready for love?  If I said “no”, did it mean I’d stay unhappy and in love with a man who didn’t feel the same way back forever?  Did s ..read more
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Blended Ship
I Do, I Did, and I'm Not Done
by Julie Andrus
3y ago
I never pictured myself divorced, sharing custody of my three children, in a new relationship, and welcoming two step-daughters to the mix. This has become my new ship. Here’s some of the things I’ve discovered along the way as I learn to sail it. Quality time is gold  In a family of seven, special 1:1 time can be hard to find, but its value is worth the effort of juggling an already maxed-out schedule. Labels are not required  We’ve never believed in telling our kids that these are your new step-siblings/parent.  We want the kids to experience these new relationships in their o ..read more
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