Intense Grief Feels Like You’re Dying When Chris was diagnosed with cancer, I wished it was me. I couldn’t do it. There was no way that I was going to survive; I felt like I was dying too. “Make it stop,” I asked everyone, but no one did. My mind refused to accept that what was happening was real. I was 8 months pregnant, had a son who had just turned 3, and a 1.5-year-old daughter. When I woke up each morning, I thought that it had all just been a bad dream, but it never was. The reality felt so horrible that based on that alone, I believed the diagnosis could not be true. Somehow, awfulness ..read more

There is a light surrounding the loss of my husband. I do not mean a positivity to his death, or that I am searching for meaning because there is no silver lining to dying. I am referring to the community of widows that I love deeply. I became a widow at 34 years of age with three young children. It is an incredible complexity of pain that lasts long after the funeral, I suspect for a lifetime. The grief journey is still blowing my mind as I try to grasp it, sometimes the more I think about it, the less I get it, but others understand. Together, we navigate trauma, anxiety, depression, PTSD ..read more

I am thirty-four years old, and my husband is dead. I met Chris when I was eighteen; we started dating when I was twenty. My entire adult life was with this person. I am a widow. I am also a mother of three young children. You Don’t Get It. You actually can’t even imagine it. So, unless you are also a young widow left to raise three children on your own, don’t tell me that you know how I feel. AND, as a white woman who was married to a white man, raising white children, I do not understand what it is like to live as a person with black or brown skin in a society that is dominated by white pr ..read more

The weather refuses to be controlled, but we can try to anticipate it. Even then, sometimes, we are abruptly caught off guard, despite our best efforts to prepare for or avoid the storm altogether. The Cycles of Grief In a life stained with grief, passing time is composed of short sprints trying to complete the paralyzing to-do list and get your life back on track, followed by long periods of sluggishness, an inability to move, and often taking two steps backwards. The changing seasons of grief never stop cycling, forcing the mind to resettle time and again. The Earth’s axial tilt is a cons ..read more

On March 11, 2020, The World Health Organization declared the outbreak of the Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) a global pandemic. The number of affected countries and confirmed cases continues to rise around the world. Circumstances are changing rapidly, and parents everywhere are scrambling to keep up. Not knowing what the future holds is an uneasy feeling, and a fear of the unknown causes anxiety levels to rise. Solo Parenting in a Pandemic I’m not like the average parent because I am already familiar with the terror caused by this instability. In the face of a global pandemic, I am a s ..read more

When we lose a pet, it is a big deal. The loss of a furry, scaly, or feathery friend can create a devastating void in our lives, leaving routines dishevelled and strong emotions of grief. Pets become extensions of our family and are integral parts of our schedules for many years. Our dogs, cats, birds, and bunnies provide unconditional love, and in return, we love them unconditionally. What is it like losing a pet vs losing a spouse?   This post may contain affiliate links, which means I make a small commission from Amazon, at no extra cost to you, should you purchase any products u ..read more

Poetry has the strength to be heard when other words are lost. Poetry can heal our pain, and take away the emotional and physical hurt. For some, healing comes from expressing one’s self through writing poetry. For others, the therapeutic benefits are reading the rhythmic words out loud. If you are lonely, poetry is a companion.  Poetic Therapy Poetry is artistic writing where the author focuses on a powerful image, and then describes it. It is self-expression of one’s feelings and can convert suffering into imagery. After a traumatic experience, this expression of feelings offers a ca ..read more

This post may contain affiliate links, which means I make a small commission from Amazon, at no extra cost to you, should you purchase any products using my link. Stop! Forget that post title! There is no such thing as a bad widow or a good widow. You can’t get better at grief, but you can be gentle on yourself.  You are already a kind, beautiful person who just so happens to be a widow/widower too. And if you’re like me, then your experiences have given you a unique outlook on the world that only people in our situation are fortunate to have. So, what can you do to make some improve ..read more

If you have lost someone you love this year (or any year for that matter), the approaching new year may have feelings of apprehension associated with it. Glamourous celebrations with optimism for fresh starts surround you; if you are not feeling the magic, you’re likely not alone. The suspense and excitement for the year ahead can quickly turn to anxiety about leaving the year behind when grief is involved. I have survived the Christmas season, but New Years’ looms on the horizon, and I am forced towards it without any control. Another reminder that time is still ticking, even though, for me ..read more

When someone you love dies, the holidays can become extremely painful. It is understandable if you want to shut it all out and wait for January, it’s even ok if you take a pass altogether, it doesn’t make you a Grinch. Grief is different for everyone, and the way that one person is grieving may not be the same way another person is. I have coped this season by finding gratitude when shown the true meaning of Christmas. I had no intention of celebrating Christmas this year. Cancelling the day was one of the first thoughts that crossed my mind when my husband, Chris, was diagnosed with cancer ..read more