Earlier today, the Center for Disease Control (CDC) released new guidelines for citizens taking part in Halloween Trick-or Treating.  The new guideline allows home owners to continue the holiday tradition of giving out candy by using a separate candy bowl for children suspected of having Covid-19. The CDC also released a short list of candy that's safe for Covid Kids to ingest. Circus Peanuts Candy Corn Black Liquorice Mary Janes Rasins Pennies Despite urging the public to avoid Trick-or-Treating due to the spread of the Novel Corona Virus, Director of the CDC Robert R. Redfield  ..read more

An excited Joe Biden announced early during the 1st Presidential Debate he will in fact be running for president in 2020. After referencing events from 2015 to 2016, his excitement turned to confusion as the auditorium fell silent. "We've seen this great nation triumph through hard times. From Mylan's price hike of life saving EpiPens, to last year's refugee crisis overseas, we simply cannot let these wrongs happen again. That's why today I'm announcing my candidacy for President of the United States." - Joe Biden, on live television 9/29/20. Bewildered, Biden taps on his microphone to make s ..read more

We photographed Joe Biden handing Florida beachgoers hand fulls of Wether's Original candy. This violates the campaign rule against solicitation for votes. We asked several who were sucking on the buttery candy where they got the Werther's. "We got them from that old guy on the beach. He even gave us these reverse mortgages, I don't even own a house!" -Random Beachgoer It's clear Joe Biden is trying to buy votes in popular swing states. Our sources also tell us Biden is offering free Olfactory Hair "readings" to women 20 years old or younger. The post Joe Biden Caught Bribing Undecided Voter ..read more

To promo the site, we inflated a Giant UFO over New Jersey.  We think it went well The post We Inflated a Giant UFO Balloon Over NJ appeared first on The Wokest ..read more

Unlikely contender: "Quatro" comes in dead last at the Kentucky Derby. Tim Sherman's one legged horse, Quatro is no stranger to adversity. Born with four legs, Quatro was a normal thoroughbred that never made waves, and mostly kept to himself. As he grew, Tim knew Quatro was different. I like to think horses can understand me. Horse whisper'n is fake news. You have to yell, loud. - T. Sherman Tim was worried Quatro wasn't fitting in, so he did what any horse father would do, he "nipped it in the bud". When I noticed he kept try'n to stand on one leg. I asked him point blank "you think you a o ..read more

Thanksgiving is months away, but retailers are planning for a unique holiday shopping season amid the coronavirus pandemic. For years, Thanksgiving and Black Friday were the kickoff to the holiday shopping season and the time of year when consumers get fixated on holiday spending. This flood of shoppers is what gives Black Friday its name.  That and the obvious racial overtones conjured by the word "Friday" That all has changed since the 2020 pandemic. (Except for the racism against Fridays) Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon decided his store would also follow recommended safety measure by closi ..read more

Leaving nothing to chance, the U.S. Mint is asking parents to help with the national coin shortage by checking behind their children's ears. Officials have been frantically working on discovering the cause and potential solution to the coin shortage. The coin shortage is the latest symptom of the COVID-19 outbreak. This come just months after the Toilet Paper Famine of 2020. If you have information leading to the whereabouts and retrieval of the missing coins, you may be rewarded with a chicken sandwich from Chick-Fil-A. The post U.S. Mint Asks Parents To Check Behind Children’s Ears For Loo ..read more

The U.S. Mint is asking for help in locating the mummy from Scooby Doo who is prime suspect in the National Coin Shortage. On Tuesday, investigators brainstormed strategies that could be a possible reason as to why all the coins in the U.S. are disappearing. The strategy session produced several theories ranging from hoarding, aliens, and poorly executed magic tricks. The only logical solution to the coin shortage was an ancient mummy with an affinity to coins. "We believe we've close to solving this mystery, gang" - David J. Ryder, Director U.S. Mint The suspect will be walking slowly, weari ..read more

July 24th, 2020: President Trump signed an executive order stating Nurses are officially better than teachers.  The President said siding with the obvious "hardest working" group, was an "easy decision" and teachers have been riding Nurse's coattails for too long. The executive order does not establish a new law and is largely symbolic. "Our nurses are the best, no one better. The hardest workers. Other workers? Trash. Teachers can't compete. Now they can brag." - President Trump -The Wokest The post Trump Executive Order States Nurses Are Better Than Teachers appeared first on The Woke ..read more

An email sent to Facebook employees inviting them to the annual company picnic was checked for accuracy by fact checkers. The email triggered skepticism as this was the first time Facebook fact checkers have been invited to a company event. "We're supposed to be independent from the inner workings of Facebook. How can we be objective if we're rubbing elbows with Jessica from accounting, if that is her real name." - G. Morris FB Fact Checker Fact checkers have had a strenuous uptick in activity since the outbreak of COVID-19. Some feel attending a company function would be an unnecessary distr ..read more