Photo by Sravan Chandran on Pexels.com Hi friends,  I meant to write this post a couple of days ago, when I woke up feeling down and melancholic and lonely and in need of a bit of hope.  It’s fall here (as in most of the Northern hemisphere) and I’ve finally had a few days to settle down and feel lonely in my new apartment-town-country. This is the first time in years that I am dealing with such intense change and emotions without a crutch OR a supportive boyfriend to “help” me get through it all. Now it’s just me and my own little internal resources The other morning, I was staring ..read more

Hi Friends,  Happy new year to everyone! Hopefully we made it out of the worst part and things can only get better from here^^ I hope 2021 brings hope and positive change to your life, no matter what that implies for you at this moment.  I want to write a quick post about the emotional ups and downs that come with a life where booze is no longer used as a crutch. [DISCLAIMER: the post turned out to be a boring / long anxious rant … now is a good time to go and do something more interesting. Otherwise, read on, but you have been warned!] I’ve been single for a few months now, which h ..read more

I drew an owl for my sister Dear wordpress friends,  It’s been so long, I apologize for being absent. Life has been intense these days, adapting to a new city, a new country, starting from scratch. I’ve been pushing myself to step out of my comfort zone and having fun opening up to strangers and seeing what comes. Life is full of precious moments and gifts and opening up if often the key to a stimulating, fulfilling experience.  Work-wise, one of my committee members hired me to edit her new book on the history of schizophrenia. So I’m covered until February. And learning lots of in ..read more

Sobriety helps you peel off the layers (thanks @Ditchingthewine for the expression), and figure out who you are. I just moved back to my home country after being abroad for 6 years, and it’s taking a bit of readapting. My brain has to re-learn a set of cultural norms, switch to another language, adopt new ways of thinking and behaving, etc. Understandably, in order to save mental energy, a part of me is tempted to resort back to old familiar habits, and just become the person I used to be. The problem is that would mean: smoke, drink, be a French existentialist philosopher, put on a cynical ..read more

I swear this is an actual potato, that came in a bag of other perfectly normal potatoes from the market. Guys! Tonight I cried, for the first time in many months. I’m not talking about “shed an elegant tear during an emotional movie” crying … I’m talkin’ serious, “all hands on deck, close the curtains, no time to grab tissue, start weeping, now”, cried. I think hadn’t done that since October 2019, when I broke up with my ex partner, and spent a whole month picking myself up and going to therapy again, at the very beginning of this blog. That was before the pandemic and everything. And before w ..read more

Photo by Miguel u00c1. Padriu00f1u00e1n on Pexels.com While people in America wonder whether Halloween will be canceled, the French president announced that France would be going into a full nationwide lockdown again (this time, with schools staying open). Today is day 1.  After the lockdown in the U.S. last winter and spring, I, like many others around me, am tired of the whole no social life / no physical contact parts of 2020. Whereas last year I was fortunate enough to share the lockdown experience with a loving and caring romantic partner, this time I’m flying solo. Single and freshl ..read more

Photo by junjie xu on Pexels.com Hi friends, I’ve been sober for over a year, and I’m fortunate that cravings very rarely hit me now. I barely think about drinking anymore, unless some new or triggering situation comes up, in which case I generally know what to do and have tools to navigate the whole thing. But yesterday, a new situation came up, which gave me the opportunity to think a bit more about an aspect of sobriety I hadn’t really encountered yet. The topic is nonalcoholic beers. Surprisingly, I never really made it a habit, when I first gave up the booze, to replace my beloved IPAs wi ..read more

Photo by Stanley Morales on Pexels.com I did it friends! I successfully defended and submitted my PhD dissertation to my university, and I am now a doctor! The two hour long defense was so intense, I had promised myself to rest beforehand but I ended up revising until the very last second. During the defense, which was on zoom (and even led to technical difficulties where I had to log out in the middle of a committee member’s question), I looked perfectly (lol or somewhat) calm and composed, but on the inside, I was so stressed that I could understand neither the members’ questions, nor the an ..read more

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com Hi, my name is Anne, and I’m an Academic. Oh, and I also often suffer from a pathological fear of public speaking. Oh, and ARGHHHHHH … my PhD defense is in 4 days and I feel like I don’t know or understand anything anymore … SOS, SOS, MAYDAY, HEEEELP ! Don’t worry. Yes, I’m stressed, but deep down, I’m actually ok. More specifically, I’m trying to accept that it’s OK to feel nervous, and to stop trying to fight it. Cause as we know, fighting anxiety just makes it worse. Deep breathing, self-acceptance, gentleness will go a loooooong way, and i ..read more

Hi friends, I’m back, like I promised   The photo above is the view from my window, out of which I contemplate the new life that stretches out before me, full of scary emptiness yet bursting with possibilities (if you’re an optimist). I arrived in France a few days ago, after an intense couple of weeks in the U.S., where I said goodbye to my friends, a romantic partner (and now, friend), an empty apartment, a city, a country, a continent, and, most of all, a culture – which I will miss.  It’s real. It’s happening. Or rather, it has happened.  I have returned to my homeland. [AN ..read more