We did it, we completed our book, “Finding Love After Loss.” The process has been a long road, just about as long as I have had metastatic breast cancer. The book will be published this fall. I’m taking comfort in having accomplished the completion of the book as I hope it will help others in the future as they try to make their way through the dating landscape. It’s a handbook for dating after widowhood, told from my perspective and the perspective of Mary A. Dempsey, my coauthor who had a longtime relationship with a widower. This blog was the inspiration for the book. We still can’t believe ..read more

Another one of my unattached widower friends has joined the world of the attached. He met her at church shortly before COVID-19, and everything seems to be going well with these two devout Catholics. She has a couple twenty-something children and he has three grown boys. Although there is not much they can do to pass the time together during COVID (or so he says), they keep each other company. The relationship has eased their loneliness, and he is finding comfort in this new relationship. He and I were always just friends starting during the end of his wife’s illness. After she died, he reache ..read more

How did it come to this? I’m a tough nut, but in recent months, I seriously considered trying a beginner’s dose of anti-depressants. When I told friends I was contemplating this, I was surprised at how many were already downing what they call their “happy pills.” I also thought about trying therapy, now called tele-therapy, since it is done over the phone. I figured it might help me feel like I counted for something. Yeah, I found out several of those friends also had therapists. Statistics show that recently, during the coronavirus lock down, one in six Americans have turned to anti-depressan ..read more

In February, I took the Amtrak train from Dearborn to Chicago to visit my daughter for a few days. The Midwest weather was surprisingly mild for this time of year. We took short walks, ate at a couple trendy restaurants and relaxed in her comfy, high-rise apartment on the edge of Chicago’s tony Gold Coast neighborhood. All was well, and then I did something stupid. Instead of the train, I took a plane home to Detroit. I carefully planned how I would get back to my car at the train station in Dearborn. I had no qualms about the efficient process I had set up. After I got off the plane, I hopped ..read more

This past fall, I was the beneficiary of a four-day trip to an upscale spa in the Wisconsin Dells, just north of Madison. So were 11 other women from my Detroit area Metastatic Breast Cancer (MBC) support group. Everything was paid for — even the ride to and from the airport. A deceased woman in our group left behind an astoundingly thoughtful and generous husband who set up a foundation to fund these luxury spa trips. When I was contacted by our support group leader via email that my name was pulled from a hat, it made my day. Our Detroit support group has 20 members, but there were only 12 s ..read more

Well, it was just a matter of time that my daughter and her 5-year -plus boyfriend would become engaged. It happened a few months ago — a wonderfully happy occasion. The wedding is planned for early next fall. My first child, a son, married a couple years ago. So I gained a second daughter and, with this next wedding, I will gain another son. The symmetry is perfect. I have always felt lucky to have a boy and a girl — “a pigeon pair.” My children have chosen their life partners well. I like to think it is because Tom and I raised them commendably and showed them what a good relationship looks ..read more

In November 2018, Michigan voters approved recreational weed. It became available Dec. 1 to anyone 21 or older with proper ID. Medicinal weed has been legal since 2008 and has been bought, smoked and ingested quietly and with several caveats. (I still can’t believe state voters gave a hearty nod to what used to be an illegal, illicit drug that was used clandestinely and sometimes landed people in jail.) With that background, I’m not looking for weed to get high. I did that when I was a young party girl. Now I need it to curb cancer pain — nasty relentless aching in my tail bone and upper leg ..read more

I finally went on a cruise — a Royal Caribbean excursion recommended by my travel agent to be a good starter experience. It was good and bad. My dear friend from college and I flew to Fort Lauderdale, an effortless three-hour trip from the Midwest. We spent the night there to relax and made the intricate journey through customs to the ship the next day. We surprisingly had a junior suite with a lovely balcony. The time I spent out there was a highlight. I logged extensive time staring at the wide-open ocean, which was a beautiful, deep blue color I can’t justly describe. Every time I moved the ..read more

Summer…ahhh…the best season in the Midwest. Summer started in July this year.  It was a long wait, but finally I was able to replace my winter clothes with my summer ones, and wear shorts, capris and sandals every day. A few weeks ago I learned — after a major scan and blood work — that my metastatic breast cancer (or MBC as it is now called) is stable, meaning no progression. And, to add to that good news, some of my existing cancer has dissipated — translation: melted away. This is a huge accomplishment for this miserable disease. It means the chemo pill I’ve been taking for six months is wo ..read more

“Watch the new Netflix show Dead to Me and write about it,” my friend said recently. “It’s about a widow.” So on a dull, spring day, I booted it up on my computer and watched the pilot of the series. The main character — an attractive widow named Jen (Christina Applegate) — is an appealing character dealing with grief and trying to be a good mother to her young boys — until someone or something sets her off into fits of anger. This happens  a lot, and causes her to spew expletives. Clearly, this widow needs anger management help. She is often pensive and apologetic after these bouts of anger a ..read more