Mistakes are hard enough to make, but when those mistakes are followed by a stern reprimand, ouch. That’s when the embarrassment, the hurt, and sometimes even the anger begin to swirl. Over the course of my life, I’ve found myself on the receiving end of a reprimand more than I care to count. Admonishments that are especially shame-inducing are those that are carried out in front of others. I remember being reprimanded in my high school Spanish class when I was a Freshman. The teacher firmly scolded me in front of all of my peers, including the resident mean girls who sat smirking at my misery ..read more

There is a term used to describe those who are in a role that they internally do not feel capable of, even if they are. It’s called Imposter Syndrome, and it’s more than just feelings of passing self-doubt. Imposter Syndrome is feeling like at any moment, you will be found out, and exposed as a fraud. Imagine that, a fraud! That is some extreme internal drama.  This is how I feel about taking this blog in a new direction. (Which you can read the abridged version of, here.) I feel a bit like a fraud. In truth, no matter which way I seem to go, I feel this way.  Do I stay in the world t ..read more

I get asked the same question every time I tell someone that I’ve started taking improv classes, “What made you do that?”. It’s a seemingly innocuous question, that I’m sure people are expecting a simple answer to. Most of the time, I do give the simple answer, “Just wanted to try something new.” But, that’s not the total truth of it.  The truth is a bit more complex than that. First off, I wanted to break out of my introverted world in an attempt to gain more self-assuredness and confidence. My life had become so comfortable that it bordered on boring, and I figured that it was time ..read more

It seems as if the Universe has messages for me all of the time. Last weekend, my daughter and I were driving back together from one of our activities, and as she so often does, she brought up what was on her mind. I figured she was about to say something, as she had been staring out of the passenger side window, not really focusing on anything in particular in regard to the view, but focusing internally instead. “Mom, what happens to you when you die?” I glanced quickly at her, and smiled. She loves to surprise you with the ‘car questions’, I thought. ‘Car questions’ had become a thing ..read more

I’ve been thinking a lot about the past. This is difficult for me to admit on a certain level, because I’ve prided myself on being a person who takes life, and all those things that come with it, on a case by case (day by day) basis. But the nature of what I do, writing memoir, and writing this blog, is to delve into the past. The more I write about it, the more I think about it. The more I think about it, the more the memories come flooding back…often at midnight when I’m just trying to get some sleep. The past can be a kind reflection; that trip to New Zealand where I ate green-lipped ..read more

I heard this quote in church on Easter Sunday. It was crowded, every seat filled at Elevation Church in Charlotte, North Carolina, with every kind of church goer; the ‘never misses a service’ the ‘only attends on Easter and Christmas’ and then me, along with my daughter, the ‘we try to make it every Sunday, but it’s more like every other Sunday, or every other, other Sunday’. “The starting point of faith is fear.” The pastor of Elevation is Steven Furtick. He’s not your typical church leader. He is handsome, young, and buff. He’s also passionate about what he preaches. This particular se ..read more

The migraines are new. This time they hung around for a week like a wet cough that refuses to run its course. Pounding, right in the middle of her forehead. The pain so intense that while I couldn’t feel them for myself, I could see the effects of them on her face, in her mannerisms, in the way that she just wanted to lie down in our guest room with the blackout curtains drawn and the lights out. She didn’t even want to look at her iPad, her technology she calls it, because the blue-light was just too much to bear. A week without it. Like a self-imposed punishment befitting a teenage girl. I w ..read more

I’ve been thinking about you a lot these past few weeks. It’s not fair that you didn’t get a chance to live the life you deserved. I’m hoping that somewhere and somehow, you’ve been restored. Perhaps born into a magnificent and loving family, where you’ll grow up to be an amazing writer or a world-famous opera star. I wanted you so badly. I didn’t even realize just how much, until you were no more. You just left. Just like that. One day I’m dreaming of cribs and baby strollers, coming up with names for you with your Dad, and then the next—you were gone. I’m trying to be okay with ..read more

It’s been 2 months since my last blog post. It’s been one month since my Dad died. My brain hasn’t wanted to focus on this fact, and yet has done a lot of focusing on this fact. If that sounds confusing or convoluted, well, that’s accurate. If it sounds perfectly understandable, that’s also accurate, and I assume that you’ve been in the spot that I am currently in. Here’s what I do know. Talking about it, helps. Talking about it, makes certain people uncomfortable. Talking about it with certain people makes me uncomfortable. Trying to focus my thoughts, and put them all together ..read more

There are many moments that I can look back on and say ‘Yup, that was the one,’ in regard to my life altering in a drastic way. However, there are many more moments that weren’t so life-altering. Rather, these points in time were just precursors to the bigger things to come, although at the time I was living them they felt so much bigger than they were. That’s the glory of hindsight, right? That the times when everything seems so HUGE and unrelenting, might actually be the start of something even BIGGER and more unbearable? I’ve said ‘When it rains, it pours’ so many times over the past few ..read more