I heard of an appropriate topic for today, Dallas is hosting her annual Suicide Prevention Walk 2018 this June 2. It’s the first I’ve heard of it. I don’t listen for stuff like this, usually. It’s a walk overnight, all night to raise money and awareness for suicide prevention. I’m considering putting together a team. This appropriate because today I’ve felt like crap and been thinking about suicide. I’ve gotten outside and shot hoops with Sarah and practiced her bicycle with her. All to no avail. I’ve been like this for 3 weeks now! Damn it ..read more

Thinking about writing this post has help somewhat so I’m hoping actually writing it will help more. I have been depressed since Wednesday evening. I’m bipolar (correction, I am a person diagnosed with bipolar, I’m not bipolar) and was hypomanic Monday through Wednesday so a crash is to be expected. This is not a BIG swing and I’ve talked to my talk therapist but haven’t called my psychiatrist, although I’m thinking about seeing if he has an opening tomorrow or Tuesday. Over the past few days and right now, I am anxious to do things, I feel like a guilty, worthless human being for not accom ..read more

On Wednesday, January 31, 2018, the Richardson Wireless Klub hosted an educational net on the club’s UHF Fusion repeater where area schools were invited to check in and “tour the world”. This was the first in a series of weekly nets where Philip Cook KA5GKL the net control operator will use the repeater’s WiresX network to link to a different country’s room or node corresponding to that week’s geography lesson and call CQ asking for stations who are willing to talk to students about ham radio. Philip said “This week the kids studied Canada so we linked into the CQ-Canada room and Jack Olsen V ..read more

No, I’m not riding my bicycle extra fast these days – textbook bipolar mood swings take weeks to swing; right now I’m swinging in days. I haven’t blogged in a few days because I’ve been too depressed to do so. Monday I didn’t get out of bed at all and thought of taking the whole bottles of pills I have in my nightstand but I just didn’t have the energy to do it. I was just dead already. Numb! No energy to move or even feel, not able to feel sad or cry. Just a stone lying in bed. Today, I woke up at 6 AM and watched the news and listened to my iPhone waiting for everyone else to wake up ..read more

Instead of walking yesterday, I helped a neighbor put an antenna, which was an hour of way more exercise. I also went to my ham radio club’s annual dinner in the evening. Today, I’m spent. I don’t know if it’s a depression cycle but I’m down. I’m just writing what comes up and can’t think of anything. Sorry for wasting your time ..read more

The first week of the year was vacation so the resolution to start exercising was postponed a week. Tomorrow I have to work out, the first time since last year’s new year’s resolution failure. This year though, I’ve attempted to avoid the failure by being more realistic. Last year I said, “prepare for a marathon.” This year I’m saying, “walk 30 minutes, 3 times a week.” I can do that! BUT, before I start that feat of anti-couch potatoism, I am going to Guitars and Growlers, a live music bar here in Richardson that is featuring Janky tonight. Janky (Scott Lindsey) is a local blues legend ..read more

(Pictured: front to back, my brother, Chuck; my father, James; and, me, Philip) Today I went to prayer breakfast with my dad (we go the first Saturday of every month). We’ve been doing it for years now, I don’t know when we started it. It’s at his church. I’m Catholic, he’s non-denominational (mostly Baptist) and occasionally I have to tolerate an anti-Catholic comment but I don’t go to defend my position or convert anybody, I go to spend time with my dad. The older we both get the closer I realize either one of us are to our own mortality. There are only a finite number of prayer breakfasts ..read more

The year has begun. I have resolutions but the first week was vacation so I haven’t started all of them. Monday is the big day: exercise, go to Mass, write, et al. I’m not starting with a bang and fizzling out, I’m building up throughout the year. For instance, one resolution is to go to daily Mass, but I’ve qualified that to be in the first quarter, one day a week, in the second quarter, two days a week, etc. Another resolution is to exercise, that one I didn’t build up to. Just, effective Monday, I have to walk 30 minutes every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I know that’s not anything specta ..read more

My sister-in-law and I share some things in common: mental illness and suicide ideation and attempts. Not a great club to join but she has a tattoo with a ; on her wrist that I asked her about. She said it was to remind her that her story isn’t over yet and there is more to be written. An author uses a ; to add an additional thought to a sentence without closing or ending the sentence with a . first. For example, I’m thinking of ending my life; but I have too much going on tomorrow! My life’s not over yet. Well, my twenty-something sister-in-law has a tattoo but my ever loving wife noticed I w ..read more