During that time of utter hopelessness, I wrote the following poem. Before you continue reading, I need to make it known that this poem may be a trigger for anyone who is sensitive to talk of suicide. A girl once told me to be careful when trying to fix someone For you may cut yourself on their broken pieces But what if that's all I am... broken pieces No one wants to fix me though I'm left in the abyss of forgotten souls... Never to see the light What if all I want is to pick up a shard A broken piece and end my pain forever? That would be Heaven for me, to feel the blade cutting deep into my ..read more

What if this life... This constant struggle Is all for nothing? What if none of it really matters... None of it is real or true? What if everything I believe, Everything I know to be true Is all a lie? Then what? Then is there even a Heaven? Is there really a hell? Yes...I know hell. I know it intimately. I've spent most of my life there. But what of Heaven? How do I know it's real? Do people (souls) really go there? How do I explain the unmistakable presence I sometimes feel...? Calming, loving, peaceful, powerful! I guess it's true... Faith shows the reality of what we hope for... It is the ..read more

As long as I can remember, I have felt like I was so different from everyone. I knew that I would never fit in. I was always looking for something or someone to give me an escape and a way to numb myself to the constant pain. I had no idea what was so wrong with me, and I didn't have the words to explain how I was feeling to anyone (Not that there was anyone in my life who would have really listened anyway). At that time, mental health just wasn't talked about. It wasn't even on most people's radar. I had no clue that I was suffering from severe depression and mood swings as a teenager. I just ..read more

I have suffered from Depression & Anxiety for as long as I can remember, due to genetics. My birth mom suffered from schizophrenia & a split personality. My birth dad suffered from depression. I was actually conceived in a mental institution and was put up for an adoption. This caused great stigma in me battling my own depression. Growing up I was bullied, and I believed what was being told to me. I even contemplated suicide. Too scared to tell my parents how I was feeling about myself because I was scared of turning out like my biological parents. I delayed getting help with my own de ..read more

1 Thessalonians 5:17-19: Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. I know it might sound strange but we must rejoice, pray, and give thanks, even in depression. Why though? Why should we be in such a dark time? Wasn’t it God who ultimately allowed us to be in a dark season of life? These are great questions to wrestle with if we are prayerfully asking God who knows our heart and circumstance intimately through His Son and His Spirit. When it comes to rejoicing, praying, and being thankful in depression we must r ..read more

Luke 24:13–29 The goal of this post is to focus on how Christ cared for these two men on the road to Emmaus. If Christ cared for these men in this way, how much more are we to care for each other? If He cared for these men in this way, how much more will the wonderful counselor care for you? So how did Jesus counsel in this passage? He was intentional about His care as He drew near to the men (15). They didn’t have to look for Him. He came after them much like He went after the lunatic and many others. While Jesus was and is the most approachable person there is, He will pursue His children. H ..read more

Mark 5:1-21 Here is an instance in scripture where I truly believe God is showing us a man that is not only demon possessed but also mentally ill. This should be encouraging for someone with a mental illness because it shows the care that Jesus has for us no matter what state we are in. Though this man's primary condition was demon possession, his secondary condition was at the very least, severe depression. With that being said, this does not mean that anyone who sufferers from depression, or a mental illness, is demon possessed. While demon possession was often accompanied by mental and phys ..read more

Mark 14: 32-42 One of the most life-giving truths about Jesus is that He can relate to us in our weaknesses, sufferings, and especially depression. Christ not only suffered once but many times during His ministry. He also suffered more than anyone ever will. No one can suffer more than Christ. When it comes to knowing darkness, He will always be at the bottom of the pit waiting for us. In fact, in our troubles He empathize coming from past places of awful pains and sorrows and saying to us, “My child, trust me I understand. I understand the best”. I hope that pointing out some truths in this p ..read more

I’ll never forget the day my boss came to me and asked if she could speak privately with me. I sat down in her office, unsure of what to expect. She asked if I was okay, citing some changes in my performance and a shift she had observed in my demeanor. She was very gracious, but also made it quite clear that I needed to pull it together. I headed home after work that day determined to just...do better. Within the next couple of years after that I was working three jobs, with one of those being full-time on its own. I was working as a lifeguard and water safety instructor, a patient care techni ..read more

You’re my sunshine, and You loved me before time, Way back like my hairline. Thank You for this coruscation, a much-needed vacation. My death was certain without your illumination. Florida couldn’t bring radiance; sex couldn’t produce resplendence. Depression was only broken by the king of Phosphorescence. I thought I lost Your essence, but now I see You beckon. There never was a point where You wouldn’t have let me back in. I will worship You, champ, because You burn like a lamp. I know You love me even after this painful boot camp. I can cry for years from this brilliant lucidity; I was conv ..read more