Instant Lethargy (Just Add Water) It was 6 pm. and I could see the leaves on the trees outside my window illuminated by the sun. I wanted to start over again, in some way -to sweep up and remove all the trash from the night before, and the day before that. After getting up and walking around a bit, I had the urge to just lay back down. I felt lethargic and as if my body was heavier than normal. I then remembered having eaten a large amount of "instant" potatoes before going to sleep. I did a few rounds of Wim Hof's deep breathing exercises, then went outside to sit in the sun for about 20 mi ..read more

On this sunny Tuesday morning; I prepare to drift off to sleep using the guided meditation thing. I've probably used the thing 7 out of the last 10 days; which at least puts me in the running to receive some of the blessings that are promised if you use the video "for 30 days." There is an accumulative effect, I guess. And part of it is that the first few times you are analyzing the video itself, and thinking; basically. ..why does he use a voice with no inflection, right there; real flat sounding like the PA system at the airport..? type thing. I have arranged my schedule so that I'm practi ..read more

  I just couldn't repeat Saturday morning's performance in which I put myself asleep at around sunup and was awake, alert and chomping at the bit to get out to the Lilly Pad. I had butterflies in my stomach over the prospect of encountering the guy with the dog and the resonator guitar. I had actually tried to deal with the effect of the guy's presence through using the guided meditation videos. I came to the realization that I was already painting the scene black by assuming that myself and the guy are going to square off like rams during mating season and lock horns in front of Lilly ..read more

After the magical Friday night of busking; followed by attempts to unwind at home; which failed until just around sunup when I drifted off, then woke up at 4, just an hour and a half from the Lilly suggested starting time. To break the habit, in Lilly's words; of the guy with the dog, of showing up every night and giving Lilly a headache with his resonator guitar. I low-key think that what Lilly is tring to do is not to un-break anyone's habits, but to reform me and my own habits into the habit of showing up every evening, just before sundown.  But, I was up just before "5:30" starting ti ..read more

With the way the browser here is crashing left and right, I am reluctant to even proof-read then correct typos and grammatical errors; not mention the occasional non sequitur... In a way, everything has been more a blessing than a curse; it seems that the "boring old" guided meditation videos and the sleep hypnosis type things with positive affirmations, on top of music which is tuned to positive brain wave frequencies -those play fine. It's the politically slanted stuff, that I'm probably better off without, which tends to crash the browser; perhaps because of some bug in the software through ..read more

I found the wrought-iron chair sitting there at the Lilly Pad at around 4:30 this Sunday afternoon. I sat in it and made, I think, 18 bucks and then, after having put the spotlight up and played into the darkness a bit, but quit when I saw the number of tourists had dwindled a bit from their earlier presence. I rode the bike down after having laced a Bang energy drink with 2 shots of Amsterdam vodka, and a search of the block where the Unique Grocery sits yielded a pretty decent sized roach from out of one of the boxes that are planters that have no plants growing in them. I just imagined ther ..read more

As busking time came along, I went to the street car stop, intending to ride down to the Quarter; and then walk the ten blocks to Lilly's. That would also commit me to making sure I set aside enough to ride back; or that I'm prepared to walk for about 29 minutes to get home. But, I decided, after about 5 minutes of waiting for a street car that wasn't even yet in sight, to walk back to the apartment and get the bike. That would give me a couple shots of brandy in exchange for the pedaling down there; and it would make it a less consequential decision to, for any reason just do a ride-through o ..read more

High noon occurs around 1:15 p.m. around these parts... The sun may be directly overhead at 12 o' clock wherever the time line is drawn, over by Pensacola, Florida, but it takes another 80 minutes or so before it is looking straight down upon Sacred Heart... It seems that my work is cut out for me; clean the kitchen and do the Wim Hof deep breathing exercises; then it will be incumbent upon me to go out and play at the Lilly Pad; even though the carrot on a string in front of me will probably the prospect of finding alcohol and tobacco and weed on the ground. There are so many people smoking w ..read more

 2 Days in a row I listened to the hypnosis/self-improvement recording. With my eyes closed, I tried to suspend my disbelief and affirm to myself that I am worthy; and, not only that but, just as I am.... The overarching concept and name of the video (which is functionally just an audio track because you're instructed to close your eyes, and why wouldn't you as they are getting heavier, like they are made of marble... But, I believe it is a well intended Youtube video; and it's a "try this for 30 days and see if you still want to murder someone and then turn the gun on yourself" style vid ..read more

I was up in time to hear the morning dove coo (7 a.m.) and started to deliberate with myself over what I was going to do on this Wednesday, in order to check the most boxes off my "to do" list. I thought about packing up my busking stuff, then riding to the unemployment office, which turns out to be about 3 miles away at their new location; from there, I could go to the Lilly Pad and start playing around 3 in the afternoon, when I would at least be in the shadow of Lilly's house.. My energy level was only at about 4 out of a possible 10, and I couldn't remember much from Tuesday night. I remem ..read more