I read today that motherhood fundamentally changes the chemical makeup of your brain. Just by way of conceiving a child, your entire psychology, along with your spiritual and physical body, morph into something else altogether. I can certainly say that this has been the case for me. As parents, we often talk about the deep love we have for our children. Rarely do we talk about the accompanying emotion that drives much of our decision making as 21st century parents: Fear. A quiet, unobtrusive, lingering fear. Especially when I’m hormonal or feeling down, in the quiet of the day I let my m ..read more

We all have secrets. Some secrets are so big, so massively consuming, so deafening, you can’t even pick up your pen to admit to yourself all that you’ve overcome in 365 days. This year was wild. If I told you that carrying twins, giving birth to them, and caring for three kids under the age of two was the easiest part of my year, you wouldn’t believe it. But it was. This year I came face to face with some serious trials. My little family of five overcame more together than I’m ready to share. There were life threatening illnesses, financial woes, an out-of-state move, the grief that accompanie ..read more

Slightly queasy, somewhat breathless, and only a few weeks pregnant with my precious babies, I grabbed the keys and flung the door open with a grin. “We’re home,” I thought. For now at least. The minute I found out I was pregnant with twins, Justin and I decided to move into Mallory Square Apartments knowing full well that in a year’s time our family would outgrow the space, and once again, would have to move. As we prepare to move again tomorrow, I think about all that’s changed over the course of the last year. Having grown up in a tiny house with a ton of people crammed into a small space ..read more

I remember watching a random YouTube video of Adele once, many years ago. When asked why she hadn’t put forth any new content, no new hit singles, she casually mused about what an impediment happiness was to her budding career. Newly married and in love, she noted that it was a lot easier to produce awesome music when her life was consumed with heartbreak and depression. And that’s the space I find myself in these days. Straddling the line between contentment and happiness. It’s much easier to write compelling blogs when everyday is a struggle. When you’re drowning in your own sweat. When you ..read more

When I was a kid, my mother, quite randomly, decided she wanted wanted to be a board game creator. In her free time, she busied herself drawing cards, creating the rules for, and contacting potential buyers for a game called “Ain’t No Shame in my Game” Lol. The basic premise of the game was that any random card draw could have you performing a ridiculous dance, repeating something embarrassing, or otherwise making a complete fool of yourself. As I walked with my own children nearly twenty years later, I reminisced fondly on the time we spent playing that game. It was a fun and creative game ..read more

Marriage is hard. If you scroll through Facebook or Instagram or social media in general, what you’ll find is unadulterated, unwavering, sheer delightful …happiness. You’ll find highlights. One of the many reasons I completely deleted my social media accounts from May 2015 – June 2016 was because of this. Honestly, social media wasn’t the issue — I was. I bragged about my relationship and how wonderful my husband was/is. I humble bragged about my accomplishments in my Master’s program, or my new weight-loss accomplishments, or whatever it was that I needed affirmation for in that moment. I co ..read more

I’m not the mother I thought I’d be. As I sat this morning watching in sheer delight as my daughter smeared oatmeal on our window with her toddler spoon, this thought dawned on me. Inspiration struck, and here we are. As most moms do, before I had children I knew exactly what type of mother I thought I’d be. My sister often said “your kids are going to hate you, you’re so boring!” And for all intents and purposes, it was genuinely true. I’ve always been a rule follower. I imagined I’d run a tight ship. I’ve always colored within the lines, stayed organized, avoided risk, and worst of all…judg ..read more

Okay shameless bait and switch there. Yes I did, but not how you might think. Not on my husband, are you insane? Have you been reading at all? I just had twins and look like a retired hot air balloon; all skin and bum hips and postpartum hair loss. No I couldn’t pay someone to have an affair with me at the moment lol. Plus my husband is perfect. No, heck no, not on my husband. On my kids. That’s right. In the dark of night, I switched on my computer and did the unthinkable. The most salacious thing a SAHM could ever do. Yes I did. I applied for a job. Lest you feel inclined to judge as you s ..read more

Few things in life align as well as the analogy of weather and mood. Happy = Sunny, Sad = Cloudy, Mercurial = Stormy. Today was a sunny day. I’ve had this cloud following me all week. At various times I’ve battled hopelessness, anxiety, intense stress, sadness, and depression. Like a roller coaster with no track ahead in complete free-fall, my emotions have been all over the place this week. I hate the feeling I get when I feel I’m being bullied by my hormones and emotions. They sneak up on me from behind, gently tap me on the shoulder, and just as I turn around– sucker punch! I never feel pre ..read more