1 year ago I had reached the end of my patience. I ended up spending the entire weekend silently crying. I was exhausted. I couldn’t do it anymore. My husband didn’t understand what he had done to us and to me. He didn’t seem to care. So I decided to have a serious chat on Sunday evening. I had spoken to my therapist about a temporary separation, to see if that would help, seeing as we’d tried every other option. After a very heated couple of hours discussing logistics, my husband ended the conversation by packing his bags and leaving. All he said was I’ll move back in one month. That night ou ..read more

I packed up your things at Christmas. It’s now September and our Decree Nisi has been announced by the court. All I want to do is talk to you. You weren’t abusive througout our entire relationship. We had some really good times. Some fantastic memories. No wonder I miss you. You said you’ll always be here for me. After all, no one knows our relationship and what we’ve been through more than us. I’ve tried talking to you, you won’t respond. I know we’re not good together. You cheated on me 3 weeks after our wedding! I deserve more than that. The act of you not responding to me proves that you d ..read more

What do you do when you’re unintentionally made to feel like you’ve brought shame to your family? They don’t mean it, but every time a comment is made, it fills me with the feeling I have disappointed everyone in my family. Here are some examples: “You brought him into our family” “I can’t bare to look at the family photo, he’s tainted it. Why did you let him pose in it if things were bad?” “Don’t show me the professional family photo we took at your post-grad graduation ceremony, I don’t want to look at it” “Do you know how hard it’s been for me to tell everyone about you?” “Don’t you dare ..read more

Dear loved one, I know you care about me. I know that you want me to be happy. I am. I’m so much happier than I was. But I’ve been through abuse. Not once but for years. So it will naturally take me a while to recover and be fully happy. This isn’t your fault and it isn’t my fault. I’ve seen you. When I first started to share my concerns with you, you thought I was exaggerating. You didn’t believe me. You won’t admit this, but it’s true. You don’t want to be one of the factors that kept me in the abuse for so long. You’re right, your reaction made me believe I was wrong and it was okay to be t ..read more

We met when I was 18. I was young and free, not wanting to be in a serious relationship. We didn’t start dating until I was 22. We married when I was 25. This week I had my 27th birthday. It made me reflect on his behaviour in our relationship, especially on my birthdays. Birthdays were always a big thing with my family: presents and cards before breakfast, birthday cake in the evening, and some sort of celebration during the week (be it a trip to the cinema, a meal out, drinks with friends etc). For him, birthdays were a reminder you are one year older and closer to death. He did not care for ..read more

A few months ago, my friend asked me if I am glad I waited before ending my marriage. What she meant was, am I happy that I tried to work through problems with my husband, after I was enlightened to his true nature; or do I wish I ended the relationship as soon as I was enlightened, rather than a year later. My answer: I am glad I waited. I discovered the truth 1 1/2 months after my wedding. I broke down and didn’t go to work for 3 days. I was shocked, my friends and parents were shocked. Everything I thought was true was a lie. Looking back, it makes me think of Plato’s Cave! I had started to ..read more

If you asked me to summarise how I am feeling at this moment, it would be a mixture of emotions. Happy that this marks the start of my new life, sad that this marks the end of my old life. I discovered that my husband was a liar and emotional abuser. I am so angry and disappointed with him for this. But I am also in a period of grief. Before I discovered the truth, I lived in a beautiful world full of love and joy (that’s what it felt at the time). I was happy and in love, we had plans for our future. Those promises we made in front of our friends, family and God are being pushed aside. I’ve d ..read more

I’ve never lived alone. Yes a had a few beautiful weeks at university when my housemates were all at home, and I had the run of the place. But that is the closest I have ever got to. Here are the steps I’ve taken to become happy living alone over the past few months. Pack up his things Get rid of it. Why do you need reminders of his negativity in your new life?! You don’t. I packed up my husband’s belongings; but put wedding photos, my dress, camping equipment from our honeymoon etc in his side of the wardrobe. Our marriage and relationship will always be a huge part of my life, I’m not ready ..read more

My husband moving out was a difficult time in our separation. It started as a temporary separation of a month, but still dating. This started a spiral that lead to him not returning and me now living alone. We decided he should move out permanently, whilst I would stay in the property. Packing was the hardest, a couple of my best friends spent two days with me boxing his things up and separating our joint items. I left him a note asking him to check around the house, as I may have missed something. This meant that he could have a day to collect everything, reducing the emotional tension and st ..read more

It took 3 weeks for my husband to forget the promise he made to me. Those vows you make when you marry are so important. No one gets married thinking they’ll be broken. So when they are, it is the most gut rentching feeling possible, your whole world falls around you. Everything you believed to be truth has been a lie. There is not a single person on this planet that wouldn’t be hurt in some way by this. I was heartbroken. The worse thing, the words that kept playing throughout my head: “3 weeks”. My husband could not be faithful for even a month after we got married. I searched and searched o ..read more