When you hear people talk about radiation they always talk about how quick the sessions are.  "It takes longer to get undressed and situated on the table than it does to receive the actual radiation dose." “15 minutes, a quick zap and you're out.” That's what I had heard and that's what I was expecting. Honestly, though, I should've known it wouldn't be so smooth. My plan is "whole breast" with 3 radiation fields. My armpit and lymph node area is getting treated, as is my tumor bed (front of the breast) and my collarbone area (where any cancer cells that may have escaped are most likely to ..read more

It might surprise you to find out that I'm only on my 5th (of 25) round of radiation. We had some delays. Before I had a chance to attend my pre-radiation planning appointment, I received a call from my breast surgeon.  He called while I was in Denver, for my brother's wedding. There I was, happily having breakfast with my whole family (and future family), the boys were stealing everyone's attention (and hearts) when my phone rang. I figured it was someone confirming an upcoming appointment, so I was surprised to hear my surgeon on the other end. He said he had presented my case to the team ..read more

Was anyone else expecting my oncologist(s) to declare me “cancer free”? Yeah, me too, but I guess it doesn’t work that way. The pathology report from my surgery showed that Chemo did reduce the size of my tumor by over half and it was removed with clear margins (all cancer cleared from original site and surrounding tissue)! So, why aren't we celebrating yet? My surgeon also removed 3 lymph nodes, including the sentinel (boss node) and sent them for testing. Well, sad panda, cancer was found in one of them. Not much cancer, but still cancer. Chemo had eliminated a lot of it, but had not killed ..read more

I did it. I walked into that hospital because I had to. Once I walked through those doors, the rest was up to my team (I may not ever have the words to express my gratitude for those individuals). My surgeons, doctors, nurses, all of them, made it possible for me to say that I am alive! The pain has been manageable thanks to strong pharmaceuticals. I stopped taking the opiate meds about 3 days post-op because, omg, they are the worst. Itchiness all over, all the time and it took DAYS to poop, after much abdominal distress! Nope, I'll just rely on Ibuprofen.  It hasn't been easy though, I act ..read more

It's the eve of my double mastectomy and I'm having a lot of feelings. Mostly anxiety, but some definite sadness too. Don't get me wrong, I understand the importance of this surgery in my treatment plan, I know it has to happen. Since the Chemo didn't kill my tumor, this surgery is even more crucial than ever. But it's still hard, emotionally. I'm anxious because it's a major surgery and things can go wrong. I'm scared I'll still have cancer when they get the pathology report back. So basically, I'm scared to have the surgery, but I'm scared I'll die if I don't. You know, the normal things t ..read more

After Chemo, it's standard procedure to send you for some scans to access how well your cancer responded to the treatments. Which meant last week I went in for a few tests. First up was another mammogram. Again, I just want to reiterate for the ladies in the back, mammograms are NO BIG DEAL, so check your boobies! My boob was smushed for 20 seconds or so and then it's over. Next, we had another breast ultrasound and that of course, everyone knows, isn't painful or invasive. It's the same as an ultrasound you would receive while pregnant, except they are looking at your breast, not your uteru ..read more

You guys, I DID IT!!! I finished nearly 6 months and all 16 rounds of Chemotherapy treatments! There were several moments in which I wasn't sure I could continue, times when I thought I was going to have to throw in the towel, because I felt so terrible, but I didn't, I kept on truckin'! The boys and I wore special shirts. After everyone was dressed, Matt asked "where's my shirt?" and I of course felt like an incredible asshole. I just assumed he wouldn't want one, my bad, I immediately added a husband shirt to my Amazon cart. I also had special cookies made (from Eight Arms Cookies) that I ..read more

Sometimes, when things don't go your way, you can't do anything but laugh. Let me explain. You know how you have to renew your driver's license every 10 years? Well, lucky me, it's been 10 years. Which means I had to go to the DMV in person to get a new one. Yep, I had to place myself in a room full of people and all their germs (even though I've been avoiding crowed places since February) just to re-take the vision test and get a NEW photo. Uh huh, a new photo. You aren't allowed to wear anything on your head in a photo (unless it's for religious reasons), so I couldn't wear a scarf. I real ..read more

It's been awhile since I updated the blog, mainly because I'm just so unbelievably tired at the end of every day. I have great intentions of sitting down and blogging and then I can't keep my eyes open. But, I'm fine and I'm still hanging in there. I had the 7th (out of 12) Taxol treatment on Friday. I'm counting down the days until June 14th, my last chemo! Here's the part of my post where I complain about what this poison is doing to me... I go weekly now and while this drug is milder than the AC I was on before, it's starting to show it's uglier side now that I'm halfway through it. You ..read more

I guess you could say I'm deep in the trenches of this journey right now.  I've been doing this for two months and it hasn't gotten any easier.  I want to tell everyone that I march into the hospital ready to battle cancer like a superhero. But, I don't. It's hard to come in fighting, knowing how horrible you're about to feel, even if you do know it's saving you. I finished the 4 rounds of AC chemo and started the 12 rounds of Taxol this past Friday. Yes, TWELVE rounds. This time, I'm going weekly and it's supposed to be more mild than the "red devil" I was receiving before. So far, I have fe ..read more