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This fourth Christmas has hit me harder, for multiple reasons. Healing energies are slowly overtaking the dark ones I am told by my friend who is psychic, and from recent astrological information. Things seem to be turning on a dime for many of us. Recently my changes have been rapid. It’s difficult for me to stand outside myself and see how far I have come since Don left us three plus years ago. Now, with my readiness to initiate many things, the gap between my current life and the life I lived with Don is widening.  While positive, this is also sad for me. The messages I have recei ..read more

“Grief is good. “It deepens you and makes you one with the earth”. The Grandmothers Speak, A Call to Power. For many years my intention has been to empty myself of what is no longer needed. This intention and the energy work and self examination that went with it has helped me develop. However I seldom cried as I was not permitted to. “Don’t cry or I’ll give you something to cry about” my harsh father taught me at a young age. So I didn’t. That changed when my soulmate Don transitioned to spirit three years ago. After Don left I was in shock for many months, too numb even to cry. Then the prof ..read more

PROLOGUE In late 2018 signs began to appear that all was not as it should be. Don began to have short fainting spells, usually after craning his neck or bending up and down. These dissipated after our family doctor told him to drink water first thing in the morning to stabilize his blood pressure, something I had always emphasized after overnight dehydration, not aware of the blood pressure link. Don had spoken of short term memory issues for some time, however he was able to engage with people in his usual upbeat way. On an unconscious level I knew something was wrong, that something was “com ..read more

Something fell away during the Net of Light retreat at Ghost Ranch, and something entered. My newly strengthened relationship with Spirit, specifically the Grandmothers of the Net of Light, has brought me to a place of hope for the first time since I lost my soulmate three years ago. Before Don transitioned I knew on an intuitive soul level I would be okay, that I would not sit in my rocking chair, I would travel and enjoy new experiences. It’s been a challenge to hold onto this internal “knowing”…a long process and much pain to reach the point I’m at now. Although I did “all the right things ..read more

I’ve kept a low profile since returning from the life changing Net of Light gathering in New Mexico. It was my second one; Don and I attended one at Joshua Tree Retreat Centre, California in April of 2018. This one was smaller, 60 folks instead of 100, and much deeper. The attendees were able and ready to work deeply, and the gatherings held in Germany, then Belgium immediately before ours coalesced the energies for our retreat. It is almost two weeks since I returned from the five day turnaround trip to Ghost Ranch north of Santa Fe, but it feels longer. Minor virus and ear congestion upon my ..read more

“During periods of grief the human brain undergoes a process known as neuroplasticity, in which the brain rewires itself in response to emotional trauma” Widows Empowerment Trust Moving one block away from our home has been surprisingly disorienting for me. Although I can walk the same routes on the streets I’ve walked on for 30+ years, the neighbourhood seems different. Across the road from Marina Place is the beautiful forest trail of living breathing trees as well as the fallen nurse tree skeletons. I go there daily, it’s short but healing, bringing me out onto Harmony Lane not far from our ..read more

There is no going back, I can only shift forward. The move from our family home was an enormous one on all levels. It took up the entire third year. The final decision was made early in the first month of the third year. My friend Judy, who lives nearby, tuned into my decision by walking past the back of the property on our lane. Purging began in December, the fourth month, before the pause for Christmas preparations, and early January saw me thoroughly engaged in this practical, extremely emotional task. My friend Wendy took three loads of excess belongings to the Community Services thrift sh ..read more

People who don’t know a lot about grief think that by three years, a griever has “recovered”, finished grieving her soulmate, and is well on her way towards a “new” life. The surface can appear deceptive…Having completed my move out of the family home into a lovely over 55 complex only one block from our family home, I appear quite settled in my new apartment with its view of the Gibsons’ Harbour on the Pacific Ocean and the North Shore Mountains in the background. I am developing a volunteer music singalong program at the local Assisted Living place in Upper Gibsons, have re-started my blog a ..read more