When a toddler starts saying this, it can often feel like they are being selfish. But actually, toddlers, by nature are egocentric. Egocentric can look like selfish but selfish is being aware of others needs and choosing to meet your own, without regard for others. Egocentric (in regards to toddlers) is more about being unaware of others needs, not maliciously oblivious. There are stages of brain development that need to occur before a child becomes less egocentric. These changes happen naturally and cannot be sped up. The “mine” stage is actually something very different from a display of ego ..read more

This morning my boys (4&8) were sitting on the couch, watching TV but also picking at each other. The little one kept saying “come at me bro!” To which Mr.8 would jab him with the wooden vacuum. Mr.4 said “no, when I say come at me bro, I want you to tickle me.” I said “D, come at me bro means ‘fight me.” You can see this escalating as I did. Since Mr.8 was brandishing a toy that could be used as a weapon, I say “C, put down the vacuum, someone is going to get hurt.” He seemingly ignores me. I say again “C, put down the vacuum, that’s not a toy for wrestling.” Apparently I got distracted a ..read more

“I’d better never catch my child lying” Or “I hope my child is never too scared to tell me anything.” “A parents job is to push their child to succeed.” Or “I hope my child knows I love them, regardless of their accomplishments and success.” “My child knows if they ever try to sneak out of the house, they’ll be grounded for life.” Or “I hope if my child ever needs my help, they aren’t so scared of getting in trouble that they don’t call me.” Let’s think about this for a minute…. Your child sneaks out of the house one night. You catch them…. You are furious…. You ground them for a long time, ex ..read more

I think now more than ever it is important for us to reflect on trauma, as a society. There is no denying that every child, in the world right now, was likely impacted by Covid. And if you look at societies in the past, very few generations have made it through without some collective trauma. Therefore, I think it should be assumed that pretty much everyone on this planet has and will experience something traumatic. So although we don’t purposefully walk into trauma, or expose our children to it, we also will need to live within the reality that trauma will more than likely exist in our childr ..read more

It really depends on how you frame it but I’d like to go a bit deeper into the concepts of lying and fantasy in general. I think honesty and truth are actually far more nuanced and contextual than we like to admit. We hold honesty as a virtue but it’s rude to just walk up to someone and tell them you don’t like their hair. It might be honest… but hurtful. In this case, omission is best. If I am having a panic attack and have to cancel a dentist appointment, I may say I have a cold instead, this lie is more socially acceptable than pouring my heart out to the secretary. Another example, if my m ..read more

At a children’s birthday party today and the Grandmother of the child, who was not elderly, was talking about her time as a teacher in the school system. She repeatedly made comments such as “I worked with all the problem kids” “I worked with the kids with all the problems” “I worked with the kids with all the behaviour problems” “some of them were really bad. It was the young one’s. The young one’s were really bad, had really bad behaviour problems.” For a peaceful person, I was not feeling peaceful. Here is my “child with all the problems” sitting near her, eating peacefully, being wonderful ..read more

Let’s just say your child is throwing a tennis ball at a wall and you are concerned they may break the window beside it. You’ve asked them to stop and explained why they need to stop. You’ve offered an alternative place to throw the ball but they ignore you…. Come sit with them, you may need to put your hand on the tennis ball, but try not to take it at first and say “You need to stop throwing the tennis ball. It could break the window. Do you think you can stop on your own or do you need my help?” Most children will say they can stop on their own. If they say they need help, say “how can I he ..read more

TRIGGER WARNING This is a raw and honest reflection of my own experiences. For adoptees, this may be triggering. This may not reflect your experience. That’s ok Your experience is valid and worthy of acknowledgement too. For adoptive parents, this article will more than likely be a difficult read, but I encourage you to do so anyways. Adoption is not an Instagramable Fairytale I see all the adoptive parents pouring their hearts out about how blessed they feel. I can’t help but think of all the adopted people who will not be celebrated this week. Many of us will not see posts about how blesse ..read more

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Have you ever noticed yourself thinking in extremes? And then feeling defeated and worthless because the goal seems so unattainable? My mind loves to think in extremes. Something that can be quite frustrating, at times. But I notice a lot of us are like that. It can cause us stress and overwhelm when we think in absolutes. For me, it lessens my motivation and confidence. A great example of this is when I encourage parents to give children more control in their lives. I recommend this in order to build a whole host of skills and emotional development needs; autonomy, problem-solving, perseveran ..read more