While I don’t often eat meat, I’m also not a vegetarian. In fact, you’ll see me eat some form of meat at least twice a week. But the point of this blab is to mention that steak is never a preference. So, when I found myself at an Argentinian restaurant one weekend, I knew well enough to make sure I bulked up on appetizers. When the awaited deluxe platter arrived, among the four pounds of prime sirloin and rib-eye steak, something else caught my eye. I was drawn to scooping out a spoon full of a minced black concoction and adding it to my plate. YUM! It hit the spot. Seeing how much I enjoy it ..read more

How endless the possibilities By which our journey may enfold. And how comforting to think we have agency, But how much of it do our actions really mold? Perhaps our faith is predestined, At the mercy of the One above; Perhaps energy’s manifesting, The things we most fiercely think of. Perhaps our faith is inherited, Through that which is called evolution; Perhaps it is all merited, With willful, thought-out execution. Explore what speaks to you, But never cease to question The comforting point of view For it casts one single option. The idea of a higher power Generates Belief, And Belief is m ..read more

Two boys - one was younger, the other older. Their stories are different, but they both arrived in Taiping, China on crutches, seeking in the Eastern practice of energy healing, or Qi, a remedy to manage their illness. Turns out they walked out on their own feet. Both walked out cured. Their stories are incredible, and their resilience is what strikes me the most. Deciding to dedicate their life to practicing Medical Qi Gong, they became Grand Master’s students, and are now Master Wu’s disciples. It is how I met one of them. My story is not the same. If you ask me today, I’ll wholeheartedly sa ..read more

Back in College, I had a personal, more accurately labeled as “shared”, trainer that would come coach my friends and I three times a week. We were four in the group, doing some variation of what’s now known as circuit training. At the time, I viewed exercise as an activity that’s supposed to be enjoyable, and for the sessions when it wasn’t, at least it was healthy, with the perk of keeping me in “good shape” - whatever that meant. Like PE in High School, I didn’t like the sweat as much as I loved bonding with friends when submerged in assorted activities. It is smack dab what exercising with ..read more

With most things I do, I try to keep a balance. It’s one of those things that recovery from an eating disorder makes you hyper aware of, “balance”. If there is an intuitive way for humans to enjoy things in moderation, subconsciously preserving a “good enough” balance, it looks something like this: resting when tired, eating when hungry, running the extra mile when energetic, having sex when in the mood, and so on. For me, and if I were to guess most of you who dove into recovery, life doesn’t feel so intuitive. I believe that the heightened awareness the process calls for makes subsequent dec ..read more

When it comes to life, Time steals. When you survive death, Time heals. When you find it, Love can convert. When you loose it, Love will subvert. When in denial Feelings trapped behind closed door, When in acceptance Feelings make way to the soul ..read more

This weekend I attended my 10-year High School reunion. And what a weekend it was. From the moment I reached the train stop, the madness began. Two days fuelled by the excitement of coming together, in a place that made us so happy, to celebrate each other and the experiences we lived here together. It was a beautiful encounter. But, had it been last year, I would have passed on it. From a recovery seat, I can’t help but notice how little has changed over the year, yet how much freedom I have gained. About this same time last year my therapist pronounced the magic words. They touched me profou ..read more

I lived with anxiety, with unceasing fear Constantly worried of what happens this year. I stayed isolated, pulled back from friends Dreading the ones who visited on weekends. I favored to stay alone, in my suffering to sit Than meeting with loved ones and pretending to fit. Smiling and nodding, cheering to life Honestly I’d rather you pass me the knife. Taking some time to heal and to mourn Helped me stay alive, and now I feel reborn. What to do next, where to go from here Many possible answers, surely not disappear. I found that with writing I got some relief I discovered that words promote m ..read more

‘Twas a long walk my march to recovery. I try to think of when it is that I passed the destination, but then I question whether I’ve even reached it yet? At first, it’s all about the finish line. While the idea of recovered life couldn’t be more vague at this stage, it’s also crystal clear. Evidently, recovered meant I’d no longer feel the way I do now. But then, how is it that I envisioned being, that I foresaw feeling, once recovered? Having lost all memory of what a life un-ruled by anorexia used to be like, the concept remained vague. If you’ve had the flu for many years, naturally, you fo ..read more

Both in sickness and in my health; From small pay through the accumulation of wealth. In my serenity and beyond my anxiety; From drunken Fridays through Sunday’s sobriety. During happy times, but also some sad ones. From my first CFA, until I got’em all done. Hosting visitors, yet also my loneliness. B501, Your Holiness ..read more