I am a nerd. I watch lots of sci-fi and fantasy, I write, I love to read and I play Dungeons & Dragons (D&D). I also have depression. Something I wanted to explore, though, is how D&D itself — as well as the D&D community — contributes to my recovery from depression. My depression comes in waves. I’ll be fine for a few weeks, then one small thing sets me off and I’m in a depressive episode for days. Usually, I can still (mostly) function. I get out of bed and I carry on with my life, all the while feeling a weight on my soul. Sometimes, I can’t function. I lie in bed and stare ..read more

This past Christmas, when my uncle asked me if I’d like to go on a trip with him to Vietnam in March, my knee-jerk reaction to an invitation on a mostly paid-for trip overseas was, “Absolutely I do.” When March rolled around and I was in crowded, bustling, loud Ho Chi Minh City and Hanoi, I didn’t feel like I was allowed to feel anything but grateful — grateful for the opportunity to take off work, grateful to my uncle who generously offered the trip, and grateful for the ability to travel at all. So, on my fourth day there, in the thick of it, when I was fatigued from the jet lag, the heat an ..read more

“I wish I could be sick instead of you.” This is what my 7-year-old daughter said to me seven months after the fateful day I slammed my head into an icy mountain. Since the words “traumatic brain injury” (TBI) became part of our family vernacular, I have sought information from research articles, books, docuseries, podcasts, doctors and other healing practitioners on how best to heal my brain. But until recently, it did not occur to me that I should learn about how best to help my child cope with my invisible illness, despite the fact she had been struggling with it from the beginning. When yo ..read more

Due to my group of friends with cerebral palsy, I am aware of how relatively mild my CP is; however, there is still an astonishing list of things I “struggle” to do. I find it funny, because though this list of simple things strikes my non-disabled friends as the end of the world, it is such a part of my everyday life that all can say is “C’est la vie!” It’s a French phrase meaning “That’s life.” We use it in English too, of course, but the literal nature it bears in French is worth noting. I am largely incapable of zipping a coat, tying shoes, putting a ponytail in or cutting meat. The irony ..read more

A while ago I wrote an article about facing imposter syndrome because of my illnesses. The gist of the essay was that it is difficult having a chronic illness and it often comes with a lot of insecurity and doubt. For me, these thoughts were intensified by a health care provider who belittled me into feeling like I was the problem, not my illnesses. She criticized my behavior and shot down my concerns. When I discussed the events of that appointment with my psychologist, his first piece of advice was to end any and all interactions with that particular healthcare professional. As a follow-up t ..read more

There’s an aspect of living with a chronic illness like Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) people rarely mention — intimacy. For those of you with a weak constitution or who are easily offended, now would be the time to stop reading as this piece might be TMI. My husband and I have been together a long time, a lifetime. He is my confidante, my companion and my one true love. And he is also hot! Like most other young couples when they first get together, we were ridiculously head over heels in lust. With pure raw intense passion, we’d swing from the chandeliers and fool around at every given opportun ..read more

“Any child will tell you that even the kindest and gentlest of dogs will bite you if you yank it ears and pull its tail long enough. There is a dark side to Asperger’s, and it comes from our childhood dealings with people who do not treat us the way they would like to be treated.” –John Elder Robison This is an insightful quote from a great book, “Look Me In The Eye: My Life With Asperger’s,” which I recommend all parents of children with Asperger’s read. John Elder Robison is an amazing author, has run various businesses, built the amazing flaming guitars used by rock band KISS, and is a lead ..read more

After struggling with mental illness my entire life, a miraculous thing happened a couple of years ago. I found my voice and finally began opening up about my mental health struggles. Talking about living with such a debilitating illness has altered my life in so many positive ways and changed my outlook on life itself for the better. For the most part, I have been met with wonderful support, not only from others who are struggling as well but also by those who, though they have never experienced mental illness firsthand, yearn to understand and empathize with the plight of others in their liv ..read more

I read a lot. As a writer, I read to know the world, to gain knowledge and to understand parts of myself more deeply. When I was first diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) at 26, I read all I could. I wanted to understand what to expect, both of myself and of how my relationships would be impacted. Most articles implied that people with BPD have little or no empathy for others. We are “reactive,” they said, and “hostile” with terrible mood swings and splitting symptoms (seeing issues in black and white) that could make us hard to trust. The disorder is highly stigmatized and re ..read more

Every so often, I get a surge of motivation to pursue personal growth. It comes after I’m inspired by a story of triumph, usually from someone who excelled at self-care. I imagine what it would be like to achieve true happiness, and I fantasize about a utopia where I’m no longer plagued by anxiety and depression. In these moments, my type-A personality often kicks me into full-on planner mode. I create lists, set goals and shelve out as much time for myself as possible. I push myself to the next level at weekly yoga classes and begin a daily meditation practice. I read mental health articles s ..read more