At 58 years of age I am still learning things about myself, realising with shocking clarity that I have not reached the end of the road. I am surprised I have inner strength to face up to the fact life is not black and white, which is historically how I have motored onwards with that daily vision through this journey. When I was ahead I was strong, dedicated, motivated, one mistake and I was crashed, burned, beat myself to a pulp emotionally and got lost in a dark black fog, settled there as in my mind I felt I had ruined any chances I had, I had failed, I was a waste of time. I had crashed an ..read more

The last 5 years has been a horrific downward spiral, there is so much to explain but I hardly understand it all myself. Looking back, regret, shame, living for the past I had lived and it was no longer real, the anger ate up within that I was stupid enough to be where I am today. I just wanted to go back, the disbelief, my fighting against the guilt of ‘grieving’ grieving for myself, the life I no longer had, the pride I no longer wore with my smile, my heart ached for my children and friends, the life I had built. Every little and huge mistake seemed to dig myself deeper and deeper into old ..read more

Hardly know where to start to be honest, it has been difficult hiding away hating myself, living in the past and living on regret, living a life of shame and black despondency. It is hard to believe I have been in a trance for couple of years looking back and wishing I was there, all the time it left me feeling so lost and sad and hateful of what I had done, the spiral of hate grew and grew which left me in a vulnerable state and living on emotions rather than deciding how I want to live, I let emotions run my thoughts and actions. I reached out a few months ago to my Dr and asked for help, I ..read more

Wow it has been a while since I last wrote an update. The last few months have required me to dig deep, it has been a struggle but somehow or other I managed to keep my mind forging forwards to where I hope to be. Where is that you may ask?  The most important is an emotional none physical place. ‘It’s a feeling not a place, it is peace, calmness, enjoying the just being me today’ I do have have those go to places I feel calm in,I also love to take time out and have coffee, there is something about going out for a coffee that helps me relax, it is important to find your own safe place, th ..read more

I barely know where to begin as it is all so complex so going to start with my happy time. I had lost about 16 stone in total with WW and about 20 stone in my journey to date, just two years ago I was on top of the world and thought I had cracked my life long abuse of food and alcohol. I was living again, starting to travel, enjoying life to the full and felt I had found wisdom in how to live the life I had dreamt of. However by taking back those fun filled life events, social events and holiday travels, I also started to take back into my life the odd glasses of wine and my favourite ales, wh ..read more

I sit here waiting for breakfast to cook, today I decided to have lemon poppy seed baked oats with banana. It has been my intention for several days now to make an honest diary update of where I am, so while breakfast is cooking I thought this is the moment. Yesterday was the first day I had taken back control of my eating, for some time. It has been a difficult few months with the manifestation of binges within my daily living. Huge high calorific binges where there seemed no off button other than going to bed to sleep. What has brought me back to my senses has been the news of the passing of ..read more

Well if you have ever read the book, Who Moved My Cheese, you will know that it sums up life quite well. To say I am upset at the removal of No Count from Weight Watchers plans is an understatement, but I felt more upset when they change Filling & Healthy plan to No Count. I have found No Count plan harder than F&H but have stuck with it. After a meeting at Weight Watchers HQ with Helen Haythornwaite of Loving No Count website and my fellow admin Victoria from my Face Book group No Count Friends, along with WW HQ team Zoe and Greg, we were given the update of why they are making change ..read more

As many people know I love to try and incorporate vegetables into my puddings, this was an interesting experiment. Ingredients: 1 pack of ready cut up cauliflower rice – microwaved cool and set aside When cool pop into food processor with the following: 4 tb PB2 2 TB sweetener 4 tsp coco powder tsp vanilla tsp almond flavour tsp ginger tsp vanilla coffee granules 60 ml almond unsweetened milk 1 egg tsp anise seeds 1/2 tsp baking powder pinch bircarb Whizz it all up until it is smooth, add to baking moulds, I chose small paper cases, topped with a few almonds Baked in pre heated oven 180 approx ..read more

Ingredients: 4o g oat bran 40 g cottage cheese 1 egg 1/2 tsp baking powder pinch bicarb vanilla flavour or extract to taste 1 tb sweetener little lemon zest 3 chopped strawberries 15 g honey Instructions: Mix strawberries with honey and heat in microwave set aside to cool a little Mix the remainining ingredients by whisking well at the end fold in the strawberries Pop into baking dish which I sprayed with coconut fry light Added one strawberry cut in half and a very small amount of almonds   Bake approx 20 mins 180 ..read more

On 9th August 4 years ago I somehow walked through the Weight Watchers door for the last time. I had been a member several times in my life previously the first time was age 14/15, and I never wanted to be on another diet again in my life.   I had been trying to lose weight for a while as I had applied for bariatric surgery so needed to show I was able to lose weight. A few stone down one morning I thought I have to do more, what if I am not able to get the op? To cut a long story short, such was my success with Weight Watchers I turned down the option of bariatric surgery.  I w ..read more