An annual rite of spring is the opening of Sara’s Restaurant at the entrance to Presque Isle State Park and local man Delbert Stackhouse is already camped out to the first customer served come April 1st.  “I can’t wait for Sara’s to open,” said Stackhouse. “I brought enough food to last two weeks. I saved a bunch of Sara’s Greek dogs in my freezer, so I’ve been eating them ever since I got in line. I’m also having a porta-potty delivered…hopefully real soon.”  Stackhouse is disappointed he wasn’t the first customer last year. “I got here a week before opening in 2023 and there were ..read more

City planners have announced the recent hiring of “John Smith” to be the new Perry Square Santa. Smith, a resident of Mercer County, applied for the job yesterday and was immediately hired. A Parks Department spokesperson said that Mr. Smith had recently gotten a clean bill of health from UPMC Hamot and was ready to go to work that very day ..read more

Community members and Blasco Library supporters have been disappointed in a recent vote to allow Gannon University to lease library space for an aquatic research center.  Gooferie investigative journalists have discovered hidden documents that seem to indicate that The Roman Catholic Diocese of Erie is behind this project. This endeavor, known as Project NePTWNE, is purported to be an aquatic research station/aquarium. We here at Gooferie have discovered this to be false. Papers from the office of Bishop Lawrence Persico have revealed that the project will actually be a cod and pollock b ..read more

One lucky Erieite is waking up four dollars richer today, as it was announced that a winning ticket to the Powerball drawing on October 11th was sold at the Country Fair at 3826 Peach Street. “We’re so excited that we sold a winning ticket,” said store manager Mitski Laycock. She added the store will be reviewing video of when the ticket was sold, in hopes of identifying the winner. “I hope it’s Fred,” stated Laycock. “He spends forty dollars a week here on lottery tickets; if anyone deserves it, he does.”  Other lottery players were not as enthused. “I guess I’m happy for the winner,” s ..read more

An Erie man is appealing to City Council in an effort to overturn the longstanding city ordinance which prohibits the keeping of non – human primates within city limits.  “It’s just not fair.” says Clarence Scimm, local organ grinder and part time banana vendor. “For the past few years I have had to walk around playing my music and with a toy monkey. It’s bad for business. People want to see a real monkey!” Mr. Scimm went on to express his disappointment with the current administration. “Now Mayor Tullio, Lou, he would have just let me have my monkey, no problem. These new youngsters, th ..read more

UPMC Hamot spokesman Morris “Mo” Munney announced today that the hospital is beginning a new seasonal organ donation drive. “We here at Hamot have been so proud of the incredible success of our organ transplant team.” he told us. “It has garnered us a lot of great publicity and quite a bit of, well, you know we don’t like the word ‘profit’ but we will say ‘income over expenses’ if you know what I mean.” Munney went on to say that while most body parts are fairly easy to supply , Hamot has been continuously low on kidneys. “This is unacceptable.” he said. “Especially considering the fact that ..read more

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Ralph “Chuck” Heaver, who has been Waldameer Park’s chief vomit cleaner for more than 60 years, is retiring at the end of this summer season. “It’s been a great ride,” said Heaver, who began working at the park while he was a high school student. “I still remember my interview back in 1962. I sat down in front of Mr. Alex Moeller, who owned the park at the time, and he looked me in the eyes and said, ‘I know a good vomit collector when I see one. As long as Waldameer serves food and has spinning rides, you’ll always have a job here,’ and he handed me my first wooden bucket, and sent me right ..read more

Beloved spokesdog Max announced he is holding out for more money and will not film any more commercials until his contract is renegotiated.  “Everyone knows I’m the actual star of those ads. Oh sure, the cars are all nice and shiny, but who’s actually looking at them. People have told me that they’d much rather have a dog in the commercials instead of all those companies using their kids.” Max, who is acting as his own agent, added “It’s nothing personal against my daddy. He’s a great owner. He takes me for walkies, gives me treats, but let’s face it – when people come to the dealership ..read more

Students at a Northwestern Pennsylvania college’s Computer Programming department have successfully created the region’s first chatbot, or “artificial intelligence” response and research tool, dubbing it “Chat-ERI.” Initially, the students wanted to mirror the work of ChatGPT and Google’s Bard, but the students felt that both of those had flaws created by safeguards. Students reported that they wanted to bypass restrictions that tend to make the other bots seem unstable or unreliable and create a more realistic personality in the bot. Mark Martin, the team leader comments: “We decided to give ..read more