Sinterklaas Pakjes Avond is coming To all the expats with Dutch partners at this time of year, I feel your pain. Pakjes Avond is coming, which means that in the next couple of days, you WILL be getting together with your Dutch partner’s family to celebrate the Sinterklaas season. What an absolute joy that will be. The bloody poems! A gezellig time will be had by everyone, and yes, you WILL enjoy it, you kut buitenlander. (Foreigner). If you’re new to this, here’s what to expect. By now you would already have been given a list of which members of the family you’re expected to buy presents for a ..read more

Dear Dutch people, Yes, this message is from a kut job stealing, house and rental price raising expat. Like many residents in and outside the Netherlands, I was shocked by Geert Wilder’s party winning the most seats in the general election. You see, in spite of some evidence to the contrary, I truly believed that I was living in a progressive country. In fact, over the years, things that I thought would never change, for example, the blackface version of kinder vriend Zwarte Piet. I remember when the first black activists demonstrated against Zwarte Piet and how they were demonised by most of ..read more

We all know that Dutch women are a force to be recognised with. Here’s more proof of this. On Tuesday evening, like most Dutch people over the age of forty, a couple in Den Haag was watching the popular Dutch crime show Opsoring Verzocht. If you’ve never watched it, then you really haven’t integrated well into Dutch society. Like the app Buienradar, it’s just one of those things like sending Tikkies for less than a Euro and wearing ripped jeans in winter that’s part of everyday Dutch culture. Opsoring Verzocht broadcasted a security video from an armed robbery of a Jewellery store in the Hague ..read more

It has probably not escaped your notice that fat bikes are extremely popular, and we see them more and more throughout the city. It’s understandable as they look ‘tough’, and riders can easily cover the large distances required in a city as huge as Amsterdam. Obviously, parents can’t expect their little Fleurs, Yasmina’s,  Mo’s and Jeroen’s to use an ordinary bike to get around Amsterdam. That would be asking too much. Even if the journey from home to the local FEBO takes 10 minutes by bike, if the neighbors kids have fat bikes, then as a parent many of you feel compelled to make sure ..read more

Navy Modern CCTV For Security Instagram Post by amsterdamshallowman ..read more

The city council of Amsterdam has announced a “stay away” advertising campaign that will run in the UK to discourage British men from visiting. Speaking as a Brit that has lived in Amsterdam for almost twenty years, I feel that I’m suitably qualified to advise my countrymen on why they should definitely stay away from Amsterdam! 1. They Speak Dutch here Believe it or not, Amsterdam is full of people who speak……………Dutch! There was a time when the locals were happy to patronise English speakers with their self-perceived flawless grasp of the English language. Indeed, it wasn’t uncommon for Dutch ..read more

Congratulations to Dutch drummer and member of the rock group Krezip, who will join U2 as their temporary drummer for their US tour. Larry Mullen, U2’s drummer, will undergo an operation and need time to recover, so Bram Van den Berg will take his place. Van den Berg has been plucked from the relative obscurity of the Dutch rock music scene to play with one of the most famous bands in the world. Like many people worldwide, my initial reactions to this news were, “Bram van who?, How? Kre what?” A cynic might say that as U2 have their business registered in Amsterdam to reduce their tax liabilit ..read more

The Shallow Man provides Femke Halsema, Mayor of Amsterdam, with some much-needed advice on how to reduce tourism in Amsterdam Five ways to reduce tourism in Amsterdam Dear Femke, As the good people of the Netherlands allow me to vote in your local elections, I feel that I have the right to provide you with some direct and unsolicited advice. (How Dutch of me ? ) It’s very clear that you have an incredibly provinciaal mindset. Goed zo meid! You appear determined to turn Amsterdam into some dull as-dishwater village in het platteland. Well, here are five ways to do that easily. No need to thank ..read more

An extensive survey in the Netherlands revealed that 99% of Dutch people angrily using the term ‘woke’ have no clue what it actually means. Below I’ve published some of the answers from the survey respondents. (Translated from Dutch) Liselotte F, Utrecht “Because of woke, we’re no longer allowed to call Black Friday Black Friday. Well, I still call it Black Friday. I don’t care about being woke.” Interviewer “You still call it Black Friday, as well as Amazon, Bol.com, Cool Blue, The Hema, De Bijenkorf. In fact, EVERYONE still calls it Black Friday.” Liselotte F, Utrecht “You see, you’re just r ..read more

In what will not be a surprise to residents of this wonderful country, the Netherlands has been ranked as having the highest quality of life in the world by Numbeo. To discuss the results, I interviewed Professor Anouk van de Witte Dorp from the University of Groningen. Professor van de Witte Dorp “Professor, you’ve put together a list of five reasons why the Netherlands has the highest quality of life in the world. Please explain” 1. Healthcare The Dutch healthcare system is envied throughout the world. In the Netherlands, we save billions of euros a year by doing the following: Charging all ..read more