Reading Time: 3 minutes My high school and college years hit smack in the middle of purity culture, with all its strengths…and weaknesses. It’s easier now to see what fell short during those years. But man, was I deep in it. (How many times have I thought about trying to message all the women from that Lady in Waiting study I led?) For this overachieving people-pleaser, purity culture helped my cravings (e.g. for others’ approval, or to find my identity in my performance) simply “get religion”–and a little moral lipstick.  Yet in raising my own kids, it’s been tough to try to keep t ..read more

Reading Time: 5 minutes I still remember where I stood that Sunday. I must have been three or at the oldest four. The church’s smell of coffee drifted above the part in my hair, crisply pleated lines of men’s suit trousers at my level. I reached up to take again my dad’s hand, callused and rough from years of farm chores. Yet the chuckle I heard wasn’t his. Most of us have a short, uneventful anecdote like this: I took a hand, but it wasn’t my parent’s. Yet for me as a child, surrounded by a sea of bodies seven times their size–I only remember the fright sprinting through me. The man was poli ..read more

Reading Time: 2 minutes Looking for ways to parent with more emotional health? Here’s nine. (Start with, like, two.) 9 Ways to Parent with More Emotional Health 1. Don’t wake your child up by harping on them or giving them something they need to do. 2. Ask questions about the kind of person your teen wants to be, rather than assuming they share your goals. 3. In a dramatic situation or argument, be the deescalator: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Read WHEN YOUR TEEN YELLS AT YOU: 8 WIN-WIN IDEAS 4. Discipline differently for developmentally-a ..read more

Reading Time: 6 minutes The dog licked me awake early this morning. Well, early for my slumbering house of teenagers house. And I stayed awake for the quiet. As I type to you, snow layers the landscape out my window like fondant. I love its muting effect–on schedules, on sound. My life craves more quiet, for the love of Mike. And the end of the year always seems to hush my own soul into a more contemplative place. The past 12 months are on my mind. What just happened? How am I different? How is my family different? What do I love? What do I hope to leave behind? How am I praying for next year ..read more

Reading Time: 5 minutes Missed the first list for kids on winter break? Grab it here. My kids are getting older, which means winter break looks different here. Sniff. Of course, we’ll still be decorating cookies and mushing together the family clam dip. (It’s a Breitenstein thing.) But Christmas Eve, we’ll have three different pickups of three different kids: two teenagers have gone for more fun with relatives this week, and my oldest–the Marine–arrives from Camp Pendleton. So I’ve foregone some of the past fun and grown it up a little. I purchased new board games–History Channel trivia and s ..read more

Reading Time: 8 minutes A note from Janel:  This week, I’m welcoming guest authors Donna Kushner and Amy Schulte, a mother-daughter team who, in Amy’s childhood, served as missionaries in Palestine. Both currently work with refugees in professional and personal capacities. (I personally worked with Donna on a free resource to guide immigrant and refugee families into healing.) Together with their Jewish heritage, Amy and Donna bring a unique perspective on how to talk with kids about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.  To be clear, Hamas and Hezbollah are terrorist organizations, and ..read more

Reading Time: 4 minutes Can I tell you something embarrassing? …I’ve been working up to this. When I was a super-young mom, I was thinking about writing a novel. (I have a different one on my hard drive that will likely never see the light of day.) But initially I thought maybe one character would be a great mom. Because if people saw a great example, that would help a lot. Who knows the great families that could result? Anyone else see the vast horde of problems with not only the idea, but me?   Fast forward several years, to me standing by my gate in Africa–the only place on our proper ..read more

Reading Time: 3 minutes Ever wonder if you’re doing too much for your kids? Personality-wise, this is my reality. I am a helper, an empath to a point that it arcs others’ eyebrows. Parenting personality profiles tell me my kids will never doubt I love them. But I may hamstring them from becoming independent, high-functioning adults. And, I would guess, not expecting a roommate or spouse to do all the things for them someday. Two weeks ago, I was thinking about “the eighths” again. See, my kids tend to complete tasks about seven-eighths of the way. As in, so close you could smell it. As i ..read more

Reading Time: 4 minutes A friend asked me a good question in a roundabout way. Let’s say my child is in one of those seasons when they’re hard to love. …Or even being a jerk.  Um, I thought. Definitely a strong possibility in the lifecycle of a parent. How important is it that I show them they make me happy?   Maybe you’re smack dab in the middle of your child causing you a lot of heartache. (Along with deep happiness and gratitude–kids do bring a lot of pain.) You might think things like, This is not the kind of kid I’m raising you to be. Or, They didn’t really tell me about t ..read more

Reading Time: 3 minutes One of my (many, many) weirdnesses in parenting my teens has been the fact that every. Single. One of mine is opinionated and fairly strong in personality. This is weird for me because I was totally the opposite. I was an I-excel-in-being-a-doormat-and-pleasing-the-world teenager. I had no strong desire for independence because I was much happier handing everyone else, parents included, the leash wrapped around my neck. (This bit me in the behind when I went to college. My desire to please others and control what they thought of me quickly devolved into a near-eating d ..read more