Bonus Families
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Bonus Families, as an organization was founded in 1999, but the ground work was laid years before. The founder, Dr. Jann Blackstone, a divorce and stepfamily mediator, had weathered the ups and downs of co-parenting children after divorce for ten years before she felt qualified to form an organization to help others.
Bonus Families
7M ago
Q. I married a man who shares custody of his four-year-old son with his ex-wife. My stepson, Billy, has begun calling me “Mommy.” This thrills me, because it makes us feel more like a family. But it drives his biological mother crazy. How should I respond, and what should Billy call me?
A. The name issue is a common problem among bonus families, especially when biological children are also in the home and call parents “Mom” and “Dad.” If most of the family calls you “Mommy,” it’s natural for your young bonus son to want call you that too. It’s also nat ..read more
Bonus Families
7M ago
Bonus Families was founded in 1999. This letter was written by our very first Support Group Coordinator, Wendy Vainauskas, right around that time, but it’s just as poignant today as it was when it was originally written. These are her words…
“As the Support Group Coordinator of Bonus Families®, I hear many nightmarish stories about bio moms and bonus moms not getting along. Some of the stories break my heart as I think about how destructive they are–not only to children involved, but also to the women that have to live with the craziness, day in and day out. It’s helped me appreciate ho ..read more
Bonus Families
1y ago
Q. My son and daughter-in-law have been separated for a year. They have shared custody of their 4-year-old son. My son was very unhappy but chose to put up with it until he met someone else. Daughter-in-law did not handle the break-up well. There was lots of crying, screaming, threats, accusations, and harrassment by phone, text and email. As a result, my son will barely talk to her. They minimally co-parent. Son originally came up with a unique nickname for the child to call his girlfriend but in the last week I have heard the child and my son refer to her as Mommy. When I spoke to my son abo ..read more
Bonus Families
1y ago
We know how difficult it is to combine families while everyone retains their individuality, but that’s the key to being bonus. This year we are congratulating a special Bonus Mom and a Bonus Dad who have gone over and beyond to set aside their own concerns and put the kids first–all the kids in their care, bio or bonus.
Anyone can nominate the Bonus Mom or Bonus Dad of the Year. It can be a bonus kid, an extended family member, a friend who has watched you lead the way, anyone who knows your story…let us know how you feel about the Bonus Mom or Dad in your life.
NOMINATE THEM FOR BONUS MOM or ..read more
Bonus Families
1y ago
Have problems navigating stepfamily life and need Dr. Jann’s help? Contact us immediately!
What’s a Bonusfamily?
Technically, a bonusfamily is a stepfamily, only a bonusfamily is not dependent on the parents being married. They can be, as in a conventional stepfamily, but more importantly, “bonus” is a state of mind, embracing cooperation on the part of all the parent figures (that means ex’s, too) for the sake of all the children in their care. The term bonusfamily is not just a fluffy sweet word for stepfamily. Each member of the family has to make the commitment to work together to achieve ..read more
Bonus Families
1y ago
Research has shown that children do best when their divorced or separated parents share custody after a break-up. This becomes more of a challenge if the break-up is regarded as “high-conflict.”
A high conflict break-up usually includes some sort of resticted interaction between the parents based on their past behavior–perhaps language demanding peaceful contact is added to the custody order or there is a restraining order in place that disallows common parental interaction. These kinds of restraints prevent parents from co-parenting and a “parallel parenting” approach is a logical alternative ..read more
Bonus Families
1y ago
When thinking about boundaries, we often picture a fence or wall—something ridged to keep someone at bay. But a good boundary doesn’t keep people out, it lets people in by making it clear to others how you expect to be treated. Successful boundaries offer respect to both sides. “This is my boundary, my limit. I respect you. You respect me.”
Many co-parents have told me that they have established boundaries with their co-parent, but those boundaries are not honored. The reason may be that they have allowed those boundaries to become blurred by reneging on their own desires. How? They don’t want ..read more
Bonus Families
1y ago
This entry began as an email to Bonus Families, but evolved into an interview for this article. It demonstrates first hand the progression toward becoming bonus…
“There was a time I felt if I heard “I don’t have to listen to you, you aren’t my mother” one more time, I was going to resort to physical violence. When I was young, if I would have mouthed off to my mother, or any adult for that matter, I would have been slapped across the face. But, I knew I couldn’t slap this child.
First, I don’t believe violence solves anything, and second, what a can of worms would be opened if I slap ..read more
Bonus Families
1y ago
Q. I need help with my eleven-year-old stepdaughter. In the last few months she seems out of control. She won’t do anything I ask unless her dad makes her and I can’t seem to spend any quality time with her. I’ve tried to set up activities for us. I’ve even let her pick some of the activities she would like to try, but nothing seems to work. Nothing seems good enough. Her natural mother has little to nothing to do with her. She will call about once a month to make promises she never keeps or to complain about her own problems. My question is should I take a step back and let her father deal wi ..read more
Bonus Families
1y ago
TODAY anchor Jill Martin Brooks is talking about why she’s embraced life as a “bonus mom” and hopes others will take on the term
Jill Martin Brooks is celebrating bonus moms this Mother’s Day.
The lifestyle and commerce contributor, 47, is sharing her Mother’s Day-themed TODAY x Shop The Scenes collection, just in time for the holiday.
Among the sweet buys for the hardworking moms out there are some special items, celebrating the term “bonus mom.” Martin Brooks has been embracing the term since last year and has dug deep into its meaning.
“I always felt like step had a negative connotation to ..read more