The loss of a beloved partner is devasting and when my husband, Monty, was killed I wanted answers. Almost two years later, the answer to my initial question of “WHY?” is still elusive. After the widow’s fog lifted, even more questions developed.  I wanted a formula and a timeline so I could see the light at the end of this dark, never-ending tunnel. Of course, there is no formula or timeline and phases of grief is not something that is one and done. Phases of grief is not linear; it is more like this . . . Kubler-Ross 5 Stages of Grief Since Monty’s death, I have changed and, in many w ..read more

I just realized the other day that these last two phones I’ve gotten never once took an actual photo of Bret… Some older photos have been migrated over, but I haven’t taken a new photo of him in well over six years now. This little a-ha moment happened when I was scrolling through his photos trying to look for one for the frame for Hope For Widows annual Widows of Hope Virtual 5k. I had to actually stop for a moment and figure out which electronic archive would be the quickest option for finding a pic of him. Even Facebook Memories show me less and less of him as time goes on. These memories o ..read more

THE LOST PIECE When a soul mate dies It leaves a hole with a ragged edge An empty space, too difficult to patch Although I try to find another piece that fits, The shape is never quite right And the hole remains empty Sometimes, I set the puzzle aside And pretend my life is complete Without that missing piece The years have sanded down the roughness – a bit But my emotions are still raw and uneven at times Because no other man can fill The uniquely shaped gap you left behind I guess I’ll keep trying I really have no choice And I’m usually pretty good At solving puzzles Mark your calendars! H ..read more

The loss of our husband in our lives is a very difficult thing. Some widows may lose hope in the wake of their husband’s departure from their lives. We did everything together and life was shared in a partnership we cherished. The longer we were together with him, the more entwined our lives became. Our rhythm ran in concert with his. Our lives balanced each other. The scale is now broken. I find it very interesting when I speak to other widows who describe themselves as always very optimistic and energetic before they lost their husband. So many of us see a radical change in nearly every aspe ..read more

Lack of Vision   The bi-products and aftermath of grief are so numerous, that even now, I’m sure there are things that I haven’t even realized yet that will affect us. Grief is like glitter, a song and quote suggest. And it makes perfect sense to me that years from now while I continue to meander through life after loss, a glint of grief will still find me. It’s kind of like when your toddler dumps out the entire glitter container and months later you are still seeing little shiny bits of it in the weirdest unexpected places. Grief’s presence will continue to make itself known in some me ..read more

What is a Glimmer? Glimmers are small moments of joy or peace that arise from appreciating simple things like the colors of a rainbow, the scent of a flower, or the sound of the rain. Glimmers and triggers are opposites in that glimmers spark positive feelings while triggers spark negative ones. – The Newport Institute Although I didn’t know of this word back in the early days of my widowhood, looking back, I can remember many of them quite well. I know it’s beyond difficult to look for the “good” times when your world is falling apart, but if you remain open to it, these little blips of ..read more

Blog written by, Author, Emma Grey Three weeks after my husband died from a heart attack in 2016, my children and I walked in Australia’s “City to Surf” fun run. We’d already entered the race, months before he died, and initially thought of cancelling our tickets. After the funeral, though, we needed a weekend away from all the sympathy cards and the dying bunches of flowers in our hallway. We packed the tissues and took our grief on the road, three hours from home. The walk begins in the centre of Sydney near the Opera House and ends on our famous Bondi Beach. My sister and her children joine ..read more

  Have you heard of the Boulevard of Broken Dreams?   I think that a lot of widows would agree that at least some portion of their grief journey has been spent there, lamenting, listing the losses, and looking toward an uncertain future ahead on the path in which they have no idea what to hope for or hold as life’s dreams and goals anymore. When a loss of this magnitude touches you in the early stages of life, when you feel like you are “just starting out,” then you find there are an awful lot of broken dreams to take inventory of. Like me, you may even feel like you can’t quite mov ..read more

This week I closed another chapter in my widow’s journey.  I have been the lead peer support of a monthly widow’s group that met at a funeral home. The group of women  meets for an hour or so to share stories, to cry together and obtain support.  The beauty of the group is everyone is a widow and knows exactly what each woman has experienced with the loss of their spouse.  And everyone is in a different stage of grief, While I didn’t plan on volunteering to lead the group, someone referred me to the community director of outreach services, who asked me if I’d consider.  ..read more

The Void Life has gone on after the death of my husband. Many days it seems to drag on. New routines established, a new normal forced upon us, yet the void remains. Life without the gift of being in love feels so stagnant in so many ways. A great deal of monotony with no spark, no growing together, no dreams to share, and no one to love on. Life without my sweetheart is a life with a tremendous void. It is large and ever present. It is the void of the lack of a husband and the lack of a father for my two sons. And even after the progression of time and doing all the things that a widow is sup ..read more