There are many overlaps and similarities between what happens in one-to-one and group therapy. There are also many differences. Below I am going to talk about a group process called ‘free-floating discussion’ (Foulkes 1964, pp 40, 126). In any group session, individual members are likely to bring in something for attention from the group. For example, this might be a problem, a narrative from the past or present, a dream, a dilemma, or a difficult feeling or experience, and so on. The group will generally respond to whatever is being presented in a similar way to an individual therapist. For ..read more

Ageing and death are two topics we find difficult to think and talk about.   Do you remember when you first realised you were a grown up?  Major events like the loss of a parent signal a change in the social pecking order, and how society or the world sees us. There are moments that symbolise the start of a new phase, when we move from one stage of life to another, and age is the primary signifier.  It usually happens when we are least aware of the transformation.  Moving from child to adult, and young adult to adulthood, maturity and old age.  As ageing adults ..read more

When life feels like it’s getting on top of us, it can feel like there’s no space for our thoughts and feelings to be heard. This can make us feel isolated, and the problems we’re trying to deal with seem a lot worse. This points to the core of what therapy offers: physical and psychological space where you can voice your problems and feel meaningfully heard and understood. This article aims to introduce some of the different types of space we use in therapy and how they might help. Trusted space The consulting room where the therapy takes place is separate from your everyday life, free from ..read more

In the field of social reform there is a wise principle called ‘Chesterton’s fence’ which, in simple terms, suggests that reforms should not be implemented until the existing state of affairs is understood. In other words, don’t tear down a fence until you understand why it was erected in the first place. In the world of psychotherapy, which is more focused on the individual than the collective, Chesterton’s fence can and should be a core aspect of our work. Our role is to tread curiously and carefully at the patient’s pace, understanding with them why they do what they do, rather than pathol ..read more

‘It’s all too much’ There are times in life when things get to a point where it is all too much. Usually, as a result of an accumulation of emotional, mental and physical demands without much respite. For instance, ongoing personal or professional conflict, a pervasive sense of stuckness, challenges with no imminent resolution, etc. These situations tend to be complex and multi-layered, adding to the sense of entanglement and therefore lack of clarity on a way forward. Here are some typical ones: contentious and lengthy separation, ongoing conflict at work, complex family relationship dynamic ..read more

Ask any psychotherapist what the goal of therapy is and you will likely get a slightly different answer. However, I would suggest that assertiveness is a core aspect of the work – allow me to explain. Assertiveness is relational in context. We can and need courage to go forth in life but assertiveness is only needed in the context of relationships; when we are on our own we may need courage and bravery, but not assertiveness. Healthy relationships between two (or more) adults are based on the premise that each can remain psychologically and emotionally separate to the other, each be aware of ..read more

Most psychotherapists have specific experience in one or multiple fields and one of mine happens to be death. From 2012 to 2016, I worked at a large UK hospice as part of the clinical team supporting both patients and relatives. The work was confronting, humbling and hugely varied and it taught me a few things about death which I would like to share. Why did I choose death? Every psychotherapist who is well trained and has undergone their own analysis or depth psychotherapy knows that they cannot be ‘good’ at working with every patient group. None of us can be good at everything and this is e ..read more

Children who have been neglected and/or abused live to one degree or another with a lifelong legacy which can impact every aspect of their lives. Depending on the severity of abuse and neglect, the impact on the relationship with self and others will be significant and show up in many ways. I have written previously about the psychological impact on children who grow up in cults, and the kinds of abuse and neglect that takes place in such high-control groups. However, families can act like mini-cultic systems with their own ways of keeping secrets, coercing, and manipulating, and being social ..read more

Perhaps a question that has occupied humans since the dawn of time, it may seem like an odd title for an article, however, the answer to this question in psychological terms is profound. What love is not Firstly, love is not really what most people believe it to be; the opposite of hate. Love can only really exist in the context of a relationship whether with ourselves or another. In fact, it is a prerequisite that we love ourselves in order to be able to love another. And loving ourselves has itself a prerequisite, which is that we have internalised the felt experience of being loved by anot ..read more

Loving and longing can be frequently found in song lyrics nestled up alongside each other as though they are somehow related, however, I would suggest that psychologically they are very different and perhaps opposites, especially in the context of relationships. To understand longing, we need to understand desire. We can only desire that which we do not have: we desire another until we have them; we desire food (have an appetite) until we eat, after which desire is replaced by satiety. Longing is related to desire but it refers to a desire that cannot be met – a sort of unrequited love. I wor ..read more