Two swans chose to make our part of the world their home a few months ago. Christian and I spent many afternoons visiting them. Their graceful heads would bob up and down in anticipation of our arrival. They delicately ate the food offerings out of our hands. They were always together, always watching out for each other.   We have just returned from a long time of travel and were keen to visit the love partners again on our afternoon walk. As we neared the lake yesterday, only one lone swan stretched its elegant neck above the glassy lake. Perhaps I imagined it, but its eyes seemed to ho ..read more

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We’re sitting out the back deck having lunch. Peaceful. Quiet. We often like just to be still together.  We watched as the neighbour’s cat stalked a bird, lulling it into a false sense of security, waiting to pounce.   Sometimes a long-term relationship feels like that; thinking it’s OK until some pesky personal problem pounces on you from behind.   You know, I used to feel like that bird when you used to lie to me.   Yeah? Well I still feel that way when you correct me.   (Ouch! and Touché!)   You’d think that after thirty years, two counselling courses, specialist psychiatry qualificat ..read more

Julie and Sergei were in my office wondering what was going wrong. We see other couples hand in hand, talking, laughing. So good together, happy, in love. But we struggle. We barely talk, and if we do, we argue. We both want a good relationship. This doesn’t feel right.   If both of you really want it better, you can have it better.   I shared some true stories of people on cloud nine. People like …   Musicians Helen and John, together nine years and touring overseas lots. We met while studying at the conservatorium. We’re best friend, lovers, and we make beautiful music together all the ..read more

Over the past years, Caroline’s relationship stories have been aimed at letting you know that it’s OK to make mistakes, and that your relationship is your greatest asset. They have a magic as she is able to weave together ideas worth pondering in the context of a simple events or nature-filled landscapes.   As Caroline takes a break, I’ll take this more into the direction of sharing practical information, derived from my clinical practice, for you to use to make goodness in your relationship more of a reality. Making a good thing better. Caroline will still choose the photographs, though ..read more

It’s a windy day . We’re sitting on the beach watching the breakers. A flash of chestnut and white swoops down in front of us to snatch a small fish held out by a kindly fisherman. It was one of two Brahminy Kites that own the skies over the stretch of sand we walk each day. We named them Juan and Svetlana. I don’t know why. They seem to be always together. Not always flying together, wing-in-wing but always keeping a Kite eye out. We have watched them battling wild weather, playing games, and searching for food. Committed. Attached. Alive. They are not looking out for a better deal. T ..read more

Both my parents are over 90. I recently had the privilege of being on a holiday with them. We had dinner together, watched movies, played some gentle sports, did a bit of dancing, spent time just staring at the sky.   Yes, they were doing all of these things and more at 90. Amazing!   They have been together for 66 years.   A lot of what they talked about were simple things:   Mum always having a dinner waiting for Dad Dad’s protection of Mum (even when she protested!) Mum’s intuitive way of bringing my father into conversations.   Just before our trip, my Mum got really sick.   “He was ..read more

​I used to lie to Christian.   Sure, I’ve never cheated on him or stolen from him, but I’ve lied. (Christian lies too, but a lot less and he tries not to.)   I lied about how much I had spent clothes shopping. I lied about what I thought about other people. I lied about what I had disclosed about him to friends. I lied about what I was really feeling.   So…what’s wrong with that. Everyone lies don’t they?   We were having this conversation while walking along a lonely beach.   We talked about how we are at one of those points in history when it’s become socially acceptable to lie. In thi ..read more