Dear diary, I am setting up a GoFundMe page and I need your help. No, this is not, as you may all be guessing, a fund for my elopement/my vets bills/my solicitors bills or indeed anything to do with me; it’s to buy Spring some balls. Or maybe some new springs. But basically, something to help it, you know, like, SPRING? It’s not even trying right now – it’s worse than me doing a stressage test back in the day – no effort at all. Everything else is trying; the yellow perils have bravely stuck their heads out of the soil only to be battered by 40mph winds and a monsoon of rain. Little clouds on ..read more

Hovis is unimpressed with his current situation. Dear Diary, Hoppy Easter to you all. I will be honest – I don’t understand the whole Easter thing; big bunnies supposedly hiding chocolate eggs all seems a little suspect to me. Sort of like a horse writing a book (or eight)… oh wait… I am not mentioning any lack of understanding, or indeed questioning whether mother should indeed be eating her own body weight in chocolate when her body weight is already akin to a small family hatchback, because it’s fair to say I am still not entirely out of the dog house following last week’s over reaction to ..read more

Hovis is unimpressed with his current situation. Dear diary, As I type, I’m pretty sure I might be featuring in several other online outlets and publications – unfortunately for me, less fan-type pages where people extol my brilliance, but more, for sale sites, where I suspect mother has suggested payment for me isn’t necessary… fair to say she doesn’t luff me right now. Now, as usual, this lack of affection is grossly unfair, but still I suspect she actually might mean it this time and as such this could be the last time I write to you, as my new career as a pit pony may preclude me having th ..read more

Hovis is unimpressed with his current situation. Dear diary, It’s day 237,549 of winter. My feet are now developing webs and my ability to breathe underwater is now at least on a par with a whale. The last sighting of the sun was around the time mother could fit into single figure clothes sizes. The last time we actually managed seven days consecutive turnout was a decade ago and like hope, any memory of what colour my legs actually are, is fading rapidly. I am so over this winter now. When can we get to the spring bit? And then the summer bit when we switch to moaning about the heat, hardness ..read more

Hovis is unimpressed with his current situation. Dear diary, Dare I say this actually out loud? Perhaps not. * Whispers * Ok, so who has finally managed to sooth the soul of the crazy weather woman? And more importantly, how? I’m thinking the sacrifice of several Welsh wazzocks and a vat of wine? Am I right? Whoever you are frankly you deserve a hoofhood. Because this week I’ve actually been out EVERY day! Now admittedly the ground is still stickier than the moments mother tries to reverse park the trailer with an audience watching and I sense Mother Nature is poised on the edge of petulance b ..read more

Hovis is unimpressed with his current situation. Dear diary, I am sad to report that my plan from last week didn’t work. I’m honestly not sure if you all merely paid lip service to my stunningly brilliant idea and didn’t wish to sacrifice the sh*tlands, or you just couldn’t catch the ankle biters, but I just don’t think we gave Mother Nature enough to appease her. I know there’s a view which is she might not have seen the gift as one she wanted, but I honestly don’t think that was the flaw in my cunning plan: a plan so cunning you could have stuck a tail on it and called it foxy. Nope, I think ..read more

Hovis is unimpressed with his current situation. Dear diary, Right, enough is enough. I am fed up to my still-amazing-and-frankly-the-only-part-of-me-that-still-works back teeth of this flipping rain. It’s as if someone has given Mother Nature a Guinness Book of World Records (other beers are available, I believe) and she’s trying to outdo herself every month. It’s about as funny as the mothership trying to tell a joke – which is to say not very at all, and often verging on positively painful. The only time mother is actually funny is when she claims she can ride… So, I have a plan. I’m sorry ..read more

Hovis is unimpressed with his current situation. Dear diary, I know that I am blind as a bat in my right eye, but I could have almost sworn I saw some blades of grass in among the sea of mud in the fields the other day. Now, I could have been wrong, and it could have been an Irish worm en-route to supporting the rugby, but for a brief second there was glimmering hope that spring might be around the corner after week 34,573 of the British winter. There is little other hope as the mercurial one continues to drench us on a daily basis; I actually think the only time I was ever this wet was during ..read more

Hovis is unimpressed with his current situation. Dear diary, I’m not sure this year can get any worse – which bearing in mind it’s only February and my mother is well, you know, my mother, is saying something. So far, I have been the subject of illegal prawn photos distributed by my mother and Crazy Self-employed Lady, been scalped within 10mm of my life, nearly lost an ear due to mother sneezing while trimming my fluff and been buffeted by every type of weather due to someone upsetting that mercurial mad woman, Mother Nature. AND that’s without mentioning being made to hack around the village ..read more

Hovis is unimpressed with his current situation. Dear Diary I don’t even know where to start describing my last week and I am concerned that even trying to, will result in me needing therapy from the horror of reliving it or have me arrested for sharing indecent content. For once, it’s fair to say I am literally lost for words. The weekend had seen us actually manage a small amount of time outside in between Mother Nature having yet another fit of the vapours and for me it was peaceful as the Mothership was up a mountain with her best mate and partner in crime in Saint More-zits supposedly wat ..read more