It seems to me that we spend most of our time looking back at the what ifs or gazing forward in anticipation of the one day I wills. I have certainly caught myself up in these more than I care to admit.. and sometimes the what ifs can really be most brutal. With so much ..read more

Last night was the last full super moon of 2020.. and the flower moon. I always think of the flower moon as the unfurling of possibilities. Being that it was a full moon in Scorpio, I read, it was also a good for releasing and time spent in healing. Apparently said Scorpio is good for introspection and growth. Since I have been fine tuning and timing my manifestation work to the moon’s cycles, I spent some time in the quiet late last night mulling over the (almost) completion of my last  work, which has been very productive – calling in supportive, healthy relationships. The universe con ..read more

A few new moons ago had me pulling “worth” from the moon deck – teaching your inner negative Nancy to be more supportive, and freeing yourself from critical thoughts towards body and worth. I honestly felt that I didn’t need that work. However, as I took the time to pay more attention to how I saw and spoke of myself, I realized that I did – the deflecting, the pulling away from affection, the joking self deprecation, and even my lack of caring for myself on most days. I was having trouble making peace with my new form. My body and self worth had indeed changed. In this new I cannot be as spr ..read more

I was listening to her speak about the collective sister wound and how she felt this was a leftover from the witch trials.. of those forced to turn on each other or face even more horrid consequences. Was this wound set into motion at that time? It is an interesting theory for sure, but I don’t have that answer. What I do know is that it seems to be alive and well.. but I have hope for that to change. That night I dreamt about spiders. I was exploring a cave with a female friend that I could not see. My brother was ahead helping to clear. He said to us that there was nothing there but sh*t an ..read more

Just to put it out there – I am a bit of a Francophile and I believe in most things woo-woo. Even so, I was a bit taken aback when a moment of great clarity was brought to me via my Oui yogurt top.. Joie de vivre, the joy of living. With all that is going on right now – stress and the scare surrounding Covid-19, the constant media bombardment, all of our communal uncertainty.. I am just happy to be living. I do my best to push past the fears of the day and be at peace as much as I possibly can because we still are here.. and that’s a wonderful thing. We only have so much control. I have been ..read more

One thing I am learning is that I have to pay better attention to what my body is telling me. I also need to learn to let go a bit and better embrace my new normal. I tend to, even now, overdo things. I spread myself thin and then when I can’t do, I feel lesser or worse.. resentful. This had spilled over most often into my relationships. These days I have stepped back quite a bit. I spend most of my time at home. I reach out less often because, frankly, I am still spending most of my time trying to figure this out. Yes, I have lost contact and most have dropped away but I can’t feel bad about ..read more

I was milling about in one of my favorite local haunts, obsessively caressing the carnelians with those closest, when the most beautiful point caught my attention. I silently reasoned with it that we would have to get to know each other later as I currently had no wiggle room. I would be back, I promise.. for YOU and for my carnelian friend. I would not forget. Phantom quartz, the local shop guru told me as the husband gifted it. It had a story, only partially shared, and he was sad to see it go. Honestly, it felt a bit melancholy as I cradled it safe and whispered to it that it would like it ..read more

My voluptuous polar bear sized beautiful baby boy has taught me so much these past few months. He is the most chill cat that I have ever had and even though he has been sick for over nine months with no clear diagnosis, he really gives no ducks. He still enjoys his day to day.. belly rubbing, sofa scratching, water sports in the kitchen floor, and of course most of all – sleeping. He doesn’t over tax himself and when he feels like I am not appreciating the moment (or him) enough, he gives me a sharp bite in the soft meat between my toes and brings me back to center.. total kitty zen ..read more

Someone once said to me that I was a mirror.. that sometimes people see in me things of themselves they aren’t prepared for reflected back. This, I believe, may have been them eluding to the fact that I tend to ask the uncomfortable questions.. or I used to. These days I am doing my best to keep to keep my doors locked and my trap shut. I have lost many a friend with honest advice and so now I just don’t let so many people in. I write here as an outlet, a journal of sorts.. and this seems to keep me in the quiet for the most part. Recently something similar floated over to me during a class ..read more

*just a note – this was one of the first things I had written on my diagnosis.. my chart truly reads cranky old crone. While this blog is not specifically on this topic, it is still a part of my journey. It is what led me to this path of living mindfully and authentically. For those of you who are, like me, struggling with a life of chronic pain – you are strong, you are beautiful, and I see you. I’ve read that it’s often called the unseen disorder – fibromyalgia.. difficult to diagnose, unseen symptoms, and a stigma of disbelief. I have only recently been diagnosed after two years of misses ..read more