I shared at the end of July that my wife had encouraged me to let go of my long to-do list and focus on doing things that felt right to me. On one hand, I thought the woman had lost … August Quest Read More ..read more

When people ask me about how I am coping with retirement, I often say I’m doing well and list off the things I am doing to stay busy, such as cycling, swimming, gardening, and taking care of our home. Each … The August Challenge Read More ..read more

Today, I had the gift of spending time with a former colleague from the rape crisis center where I had previously been the Clinical Director. The conversation shifted at one point to my decision to leave my position there. I spoke to my reality at the time; worn down by cancer and treatment, I could not provide to my clients or the staff what I believed they needed or deserved. She told me that she wished I had shared that with them, as they would have reassured me about my work with them and I would have been able to stay longer. I shared that it was time for the new Clinical Director to step ..read more

Dear Julie, It’s me; your ego. I thought it was time for me to write you because lately I am showing up in your thoughts a lot. You remember… a couple of weeks ago when you could not scale an icy boulder to get into a canyon you really wanted to hike in Canada. Or during a family meeting when your children dismissed your opinion about something without any thought or hesitation? Or how about the time someone asked you what you do for a living and you gulped quietly before sharing that you are retired? That’s me. I am the part of you that measures your worthiness. I am the part of you that comp ..read more

“It is finished.” The final words of Jesus are being spoken today all over the world in Christian gatherings on this Good Friday. They have always seemed to be such powerful words to me. For many faithful Christians, it is an important turning point in Jesus’ mission on earth. He had this hard path to walk and he did it. With great love. With deep commitment. With inspired purpose. He walked the path. It does not surprise me that as I pushed the button on my keyboard to end my final session as a therapist, the words, “It is finished” whispered through my mind. No, I do not see myself as a mess ..read more

Last week I wrote a post about the love of a therapist, reflecting on how my love for my patients shows up. I wrote about the grief I am experiencing as retirement is looming on the horizon because I feel my love of a therapist has not been fully tapped into. I feel the love that is longing to be shared with the clients I have loved so dearly. As I reflected on this love, I began to consider the love my clients may have for me. It is not something I think about often. And yet, my retirement elicits the memory of my therapist retiring fifteen months ago. I remember struggling to express my love ..read more

It started simply enough. I received a text message from a client I have seen for many years telling me she had just become a grandmother for the second time. I was so happy for her. So why were rivers of tears running down my cheeks? Because the grief was literally hitting me in the face. Soon, I would no longer get these text messages from my clients. Soon, their life events would be something of which I would have no knowledge. I would not know about the births, deaths, graduations, and weddings. I would not learn about the new jobs or the new homes. The big wins. The big losses. Instead, I ..read more

Looking at my calendar this morning, I realized that my therapy career will come to a close exactly three months from today. And on that day, I will step away from a core component of my life for the past thirty-nine years. It all seems so surreal to me. First, I never thought I would live long enough to retire. Retirement has always been one of those normal developmental milestones that I saw in other people’s stories. But I never saw it in my own narrative. I remember being newly diagnosed with cancer and unable to work because of multiple surgeries within a short span of time. During my tim ..read more

I have been thinking about personal growth a lot lately. Personal growth is such a double-edged sword. On the one hand there is this budding awareness about life, love, relationships, and soul that is exhilarating. I cherish all the ways this new awareness can transform my life. But on the other hand, there is this overwhelming sense of grief for all the ways not knowing has created pain in my past. I witnessed this juxtaposition in my group last night. We were discussing codependency and how it shows up in relationships. I watched the light of recognition come into the group members’ eyes abo ..read more

It’s ironic to me that therapists work so diligently with their clients to honor and embrace themselves. And yet, like the rest of the planet we experience self-abandonment. I observe it in my clients who are therapists. I observe it in the therapists with whom I clinically consult. I observe it in me. How do I abandon myself? When I keep my voice small so as not to offend others or make a conversation uncomfortable. When I say yes to doing something I do not want to do. When I ignore my body’s pleas for rest, dare I let someone else down. When I push myself to prove to others and myself that ..read more