I like to count things. For example, I can tell you we have had 34,632 diapers donated to be given to refugees and New Americans since the first days of the COVID lockdowns. Almost every single one has gone back out to the refugee and New American families to help take care of babies. Fun fact, none of the social safety network covers diapers. But that is not really my point. My point is counting. Since each of my girls was born, I have been counting. Well, it actually started the moment I found out I was pregnant with each one. Counting the days I was pregnant, counting to the end of the firs ..read more

I remember it like it was yesterday, Caitlyn was 8 weeks old and I went to Target by myself. It might have been my first outing without her. I wasn’t even back to work. But there I was, hiding in Target having a panic attack. I couldn’t breathe and I was sobbing. Like bent over sobbing. Because she was going to grow up and leave me. That feeling actually goes back to the moment she was born. After 25 hours of labor, they put this baby on my chest and I realized from that moment I would have to share her. I had her all to myself for 9 months but even in this moment, the midwife had touched my b ..read more

So I had planned to shut down this blog but I can’t figure out how to print it all and I don’t want to lose everything which brings me to–I guess I better get writing to justify its existence. I’ll start by writing about something that brings me great joy–reading. Not mine, but my girls’. I love to read. My mother loves to read. My grandmother loved to read. I always assumed my daughters would love to read…alas, it did not seem that was going to be the case. Once, my mother even yelled across a family, “didn’t you think you would raise at least ONE reader?” I felt this criticism deeply and was ..read more

One step forward, two steps back. November was my things have to change moment. I have spent years totally immobilized when it came to getting my health back. It has been a mix of how do I change my eating without my three daughters learning disordered eating or that their worth comes from the number on the scale and feeling totally overwhelmed whenever I looked at changing my foods. Like, take anxiety medication overwhelmed. And then Covid. My biggest risk factor for Covid complications is my weight. At 4′ 9″ tall, it doesn’t take a lot to put me in the obese category. And that made me mad. N ..read more

Starting our third year in a pandemic is getting more than a little old. I speak for everyone when I say how desperately we need something else to think about, talk about, and do. Our family has been, and continues to be, pretty limited in our activities. And I am okay with that but like all I am tired of living, thinking, and breathing about covid. So I have decided to tackle something that is not easy but I have more control over it–my weight. I have been putting off the weight I need to lose for a long time. My reason, one among many, I was afraid to undertake all the changes and teach my d ..read more

Two years ago today my family sat together and spent my grandma’s last moments with her. We laughed and we cried as we lived together in each breath. I mark time. I always have. Memories, anniversaries sit there waiting for their moment. Waiting for the chanced to be breathed in and out once again. Two years ago it came time to mark the final moments with my grandma. On December 12 my mom had called to say it was time to come home to see grandma. I had a cold so took a nap to prepare for the drive up. And then my grandma rallied so I told my mom we weren’t going to come–I didn’t want to make a ..read more

This is from 5 years ago so Patrice was just 6. Her personality hasn’t changed. And no, I don’t starve her. Leah is the sweetest 6-year-old ever. She got a pouch of goldfish crackers in her trick-or-treating loot. I told her tonight she could have that with lunch, so before going to bed she comes up to me and says, “just so you know, I might ask you over and over tomorrow if it is lunchtime yet ..read more

*this is a repost from my facebook. It was originally written on October 5, 2020 As some of you have noticed, I’m not on here much as of late. I couldn’t handle all the controversy. I actually came on to likely add some but there is something so much more important. Last Tuesday, September 28, I received the second worst phone call of my life. My cousin, Lisa Pahl, called to tell me our beloved grandfather/papa had died unexpectedly. I went up Friday to his home (we lost our grandma in December) to help my family start to sort through 50+ years of life in one house. It is impossible and it is ..read more

I heard this song, Listen to your Heart, by Roxette today and it keeps reverberating in my head. And I realized it rings a bit true today. May is Mental Health Awareness Month. I used to talk about my mental health a lot but over the last few years it has gotten better for the most part, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say the pandemic hasn’t ripped at it. And a toxic political situation of liars trying to destroy our democracy by claiming the election was fraudalant. Yeah, my mental health, along with all of ours, has taken a beating. I am using my tools–medications, running, surrounding myself ..read more

My husband and I are fully vaccinated. He was vaccinated + 2 weeks on the 23rd. I will be on May 3. We are looking forward to having more protection going forward. I am bummed to still have to wear my mask most of the time, but it is a step in the right direction. But that step will still leave us stuck if others are unwilling to be vaccinated. I am not speaking to you if you are unable to be vaccinated due to medical issues. You are not the problem. You are a big part of why we need to be getting vaccinated if we are able. I am not speaking to you if you are under 16. Though, once they approv ..read more